Grammy

(((Candace))) no words.  Try and remember to breathe and eat.  It is always amazing how we can get ripped backwards in the journey.

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry.  I will keep you in my thoughts.  (((Hugs)))

(((Hugs)))  I totally relate with your post.  I walk more than I should and I think about what should be.  I keep myself occupied with my Grand daughter and being the neighborhood Grammy.  And there are little happis but no really big ones.  (((Hugs))) the summer ends the first week of August.  Hoping for something big to make us both Happy. 

((((Hugs)))) I have had that sort of dream.  It is very common just disturbing

(((Hugs))) To All.  This is really a great thread.   I know I need to vent. 

(((Hugs)))

(((Hugs))) I talk to my husband all the time.  When my adult kids get on my last nerve, I have been known to tell them "just take it up with Dad.  I am done."  So since I do this after 8 1/2 years I don't see what is wrong with it. 

Hi Everyone, 

I have been missing except for a couple of times since the new board opened.  I am sorry.  My phone doesn't pick this site up well and the computer was up a spiral staircase to the loft in our old place.  The good news is that we (My oldest son and I) bought a condo in the same complex next to the pool.  The rental we were in was not a good fit for us and the owner tried to make us buy it, but, my grand daughter and I were at the pool and I started talking to a guy standing outside of this new one, and 3 weeks later we are moved.    Now, I have to say this move has been super hard and I will never be moving again, I just don't care, it isn't happening. But this condo is still 3 stories but much more usable.  No spiral staircase, 3 big bedrooms, 3 baths and the computer is on the main floor where I can get to it even on bad days.    So (((Hugs))) I will be around and participate. 

widowbrain62

I promise myself every year that I won't anticipate the anniversary.  My body seems to know and betray me anyhow.  This past week it was the 29th anniversary of my fathers passing.  Now I found myself in a reflective state last week and began having night terrors.  I couldn't put my finger on it until I looked at the date on Sunday.  So, I don't know if I will ever be able to totally forget.  (((Hugs)))

Thank you for sharing.  It sounds like you found a gift in that conversation. 

(((Hugs)))

(((Hugs)))) I am sorry this is late.  Love you and your posts.

(Hugs) I am glad you got to honor his wishes. I I am trying to honor his wishes but it seems out of my reach at this point. Maybe someday Doreen the road but for now he is in the closet where I am supposed to keep him until I remarry and go to Hawaii on my honeymoon. 

((((Hugs))))

and lots and lots of love.  I am just past 8 years and have found time to be a friend and an enemy.  Wishing you peace and loving happier memories today and always. 

<3

Nancy

((((Hugs)))) I am glad it is getting a bit better Barney. 

I am glad we all found a place to talk. 

(((Hugs))) and Love <3

Somehow, the bad days get further between.  I still have bad days.  Actually a really bad couple of weeks but I am a warrior and I will deal with it. 

It does get better and somehow the light begins to show. 

(((((Hugs)))))

Happy Easter everyone! (Hugs) and love

I am glad it went smoothly for you. I came from an abusive family and my husband protected us from that. It's gotten much worse over the last 8 years. My mom passed 5 years ago, but since I didn't host holidays anymore I and my family were not invited.

((Hugs))

((Bear Hugs Barney)) I have been having the same problem. I think ATJ is right. The triggers are right there tearing off the bandaid of time. I know my trigger was the passing of my bil and memorial service on Wednesday. I had to go through the dreaded memorial service box for pictures. Then spend day with the in-laws. I ended up hanging on to one of my husband's buddies I haven't talked to in years. ((Hugs)) holidays Just suck. (Hugs) hoping the haunting dreams leave quickly

(((((Hugs)))))  The second year was much harder than the first for me.  Hang on!!!! It does get easier, everyone just travels this journey at their own pace.  Sometimes it one step forward, two steps back.  It is okay to have days when you just need to breathe.  (((((Hugs)))))

Wishing you peaceful happy memories.  Music does that to me as well.  Sometimes I will just be smiling for no apparent reason while listening to music, sometimes silent tears fall.  ((((Hugs))))

Thank you ATJ. I am grateful to find your beautiful posts again.  You are such a gifted writer.  ((((Hugs)))) and Love Always

(((Big Big Hugs))) 

I hope things get a bit better.  It is hard living with adult children.  I just so understand living with my son. 

Just try and remember how far we have come on this journey.

((((Huge Hugs))))

Love your January 2007 friend

((((Hugs)))) and peaceful happier memories. 

Hi Helen,  ((((((Hugs)))))))

I wish I could help, but I don't have the answers.  Just ((((Hugs)))) and understanding.

As always ATJ, your post is thought provoking and relative to what is going on in my life.  This constructing a "new me" has been a constant work in progress. Just a never ending project, with many phases of "new me's" being revised, thrown out, or reclaimed and saved for revisions at a later date. 

The current "new me" was shaken to the core for the past week.  Medical problems due to an injury required a revision of the "new me" 2 years ago.  Not much, I am living with my oldest son and raising my grand daughter who just turned 5, but it has been a rough road to recovering as much of "me" physically as possible and giving up things I have come to love like driving or meaningful employment.  But I have come to terms as much as I can with who I am now, right now, and having to use a walker or wheel chair, with the loving help of an energetic child, yelling "Come On Grammy!  We can do it!" And sometimes searching for the words that never seem to find their way in my speech or being able to make change from money. 

The past couple of weeks my son and I have been arguing about everything it seems.  I had become an imposition that needed to be taken to medical appointments, rides to go grocery shopping, didn't clean up the house after a party he had, the list goes on.  I decided that since Zoey was to leave Wednesday afternoon for a visit to her Mothers, I would run away and relax as well.  I had a well thought out plan, friend picking me up, weekend on the lake and bbq's.  Just what I needed. 

Then came the call.  My sister in law lost her husband and the Celebration of Life was on Wednesday evening at their home.  The home where my husbands service was held, only 8 years and 2 months later.  Now I have visited a few times over the years, but it is just hard to be there even though it is a few miles away.  So I dug through my closet and my soul to find a version of me that could find the strength to go.  The tears flowed freely during the service with my grand daughter wrapped in my arms on my lap like a shield.  I was suddenly back to raw intense hurt of the first years, but feeling so sorry for my sister in law.  Another widow on this long journey with us.

My life has been torn down and re-started keeping what works and throwing out what doesn't only to pick up something discarded when it is needed again.  Who knows what the final version of me will finally become?  Maybe it is because I have always been so independent and stubborn that I can seem to settle into one new life?  Maybe it is the more recent brain injury?  I am spending some time thinking about what comes next again. 

((((Hugs)))) and Love to all