Losttogether

I find many of the 'kids' movies terribly hard on kids who have lost parents. So many Disney movies involve the death of s parent (bambie, lion king, Cinderella, fix and the hound, Tarzan, etc etc). I took my kids to see Inside Out last year and my daughter (6 years at the time) SOBBED for about 45 mins after.

I watched the kids movie Up shortly after Bill died and it took me weeks to recover. Saddest movie I've ever seen.

Candace,

It's been 3+ years for me too and I find myself back here at times too. My family can be unbelievably awful at times. It's hard because for us things don't just magically get better one day.

I hope you get through xmas alright!

Sorry you are going through this.  The beginning is all unbelievable and surreal.  Maybe the surrealness never really goes....  I lost my husband when he was 37 to brain cancer.  I know seizures well.  My kids are 7 and 9 and miss their dad every day.  Sometimes life deals really unfair blows.  I hope you can find some peace with the group here.  There are lots of great people who listen, cry to and make you laugh on the days when you need it most.

Hugs.

Most of the time I figure there isn't much my kids can say that shock me. Today my daughter managed it though. I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry (although ultimately I went with laugh because it was just so creepy and weird!)

As we were walking to our car after I picked my kids (7 and 9) up from school we passed a house that was very well decorated for Halloween. There were spooky ghosts hanging from trees, cobwebs, big spiders etc. On the ground there was a large coffin shaped pile of leaves with a RIP grave maker at one end and a skeleton partially coming out of the leaf pile. My 9 year old saw it and said 'ooh look at the dead guy!' My 7 year old shouted out  'It's daddy!  I  think it's daddy coming to visit us for Halloween!' It was seriously a nasty, creepy looking skeleton.  Where do they come up with this stuff? 

Glioblastoma multiforme (brain cancer). Lived 16 months from diagnosis. Died at 37.

I get it Lost. Totally. This year has been particularly tough. I feel like it is 'lost time' too. I often feel now that I just exist. I don't really live. My daughter was 3 and my son 4 when he got sick. Now they are 7 and 9. They've reached that point where more of their lives falls into the 'after illness' than before. It just seems wrong. And sad. And it just gets worse each year. I know I've aged a lot in the past 3 years. It all just sucks.

Would Nov14/15 work for some people?  I'd LOVE to meet up with you all...

Weekends are best for me also as I work through the week.

I'm in Victoria too and would LOVE to meet. I can't do November 7/8 but the October date would work!

You do not suck. You are trying. Life is not easy. Managing everything alone is not easy. The simple fact that you are figuring out different solutions is proof you don't suck.

You should have dessert too!

That's so wonderful. I think the best approach is to keep it simple (because of their age) and say 'you'd love to be her new mum but you promise to always remember her first mum too'.

My guy has a poisonous ex wife and his daughter hates me (and him too for that matter) even though it was her mum who had an affair and left. No blending here!!

I'm glad you wrote about this topic as my dd (7yrs) has developed huge anxiety around sickness and death.  I've taken her to the counsellor but she's still really struggling and is missing her dad more than ever even though it's been nearly 3 yrs.

I wish I knew how to help her other than cuddles and love.

I'm glad to read this. I'm coming up on the end of year 3. It's been by far the worst for me even though I'm in a good relationship. I just miss Bill so much. I miss what we had, I'm sad at what he's missing and I'm sad for my kids who still ask me everyday to bring him back. If only...

Hikermom,

      'A little thing like a bear in my trash can...'

Laughed out loud when I read this!  You consider a bear in your trash little?  I'd completely freak out. I feel like a big wuss now. Thanks for making me smile and giving me the strength and resolve to not back down!

I'm barely coping today. Most days I manage. Today...nope.

My husband and I bought a house. Older, needed renos, he was very handy and was going to do the work room by room. 7 days after moving in we got the terminal cancer diagnosis. Fast forward 4 years and I can no longer tolerate the purple kitchen (and trust me this is purple like nothing you've ever seen before. I can't afford to do the whole kitchen new so I decide to keep the existing white cabinets and replace the floor and counters (these were the purple parts). I found a nice floor and had it installed and picked a beautiful granite for the counters. All was going smoothly until they cut the granite wrong and it couldn't be used. They had no more of that colour. So I spend months looking for something else that will go with my (already installed) new floor and finally find something I love. It was installed yesterday and I was so pleased right up until the guy accidentally used colour enhancer instead of sealant on it. It has completely changed the look and the colour and I hate it. I have no more energy to deal with this stuff. I just can't cope with every single thing going wrong all the time. This has truly put me over the edge.  I give up on life.

I want my life back. I want my husband back. I want someone else to deal with my screwed up countertops. The installer just told me I was too fussy.

In 2 days our daughter turns 7.  I hate that the last family photo I'll ever have has a 3 and 4 year old in it.  We should have family photos for another 30+ years.

2 weeks after my daughters birthday comes what should have been Bill's 40th birthday. It's the 3rd one he's missed. I really hoped I'd be doing better than I am now. Year three has definitely been the worst yet. I'm sad. And stuck. And sad some more.

I just want my life back.

Sorry for the pity party post. Just need to get it out to peoe who truly understand.

Right now I think I'm struggling with the loss of the little threads of our relationship that I had held onto. I got a new computer that doesn't have all our email communications on it, a new phone without his voice,no record of texts... It just seems as time passes (2.5 years now) that more and more of my old life is erased. All I have left is photos. I'd give so much for one more text, one more call, one more hug. I can't shake the sadness and I really don't want to let go...

I have been dating a divorced man for just over a year. He has two kids, boy and girl aged 13 and 11. He is an amazing guy and wonderful to my kids but truthfully, knowing what I know now,  if I could go back in time I would run for the hills. I really, truly love him, but his ex is crazy. Really crazy, and mean, and unstable.

I think if you meet someone who you gel with the kids really easily and the ex is ok with you being involved in her kids lives it could work out ok.  However, if there is a master manipulator mum in the background you don't stand a chance. My guys daughter won't speak to him as mum convinced her that he didn't have the right to date someone with children (of course she lives with her new guy who has 3 of his own) and that causes a lot of stress and his son is with him 50%. I will likely stay in the relationship but I've accepted we won't live together until his children are over 18 and on their own.

I hate that it seems that if it is possible for things to go wrong in my life they do.

I hate that my VACCINATED, INDOOR cat still died of a disease that he was vaccinated against after a $6000 bill to save him (he was less than 2 years old)

I hate that my kids have gone through yet another loss (pets seem much more tragic after dad) in their short short little lives.

I hate that the company making my granite countertops used the wrong template to cut the sink rendering the slab of granite I had painstakingly chosen unusable - and there is no more of that colour available.

I hate that I'm reno-ing my kitchen ALONE! 

Today, this week, this month....I just hate everything.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Sorry you are having a rough time. All things airplane make me sad too.  I've been missing Bill a lot. We had a crap week also, lost our 1 year old cat to a disease he's vaccinated against. Poor kids are so sad.

Hopefully our guys are flying together somewhere.