Portside Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 it Is strange to still be so deeply in love with my LW and dating other women. I wouldn't say it is stramge, but I can see it being confusing for the women you are dating if they have designs on something long term. I can see this being confusing for you too Leadfeather. Not going to offer advice but I wouldn't be able to date if this was my situation. Good luck - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Oh, my! The stories! My NG tells me things about us that I just think are natural. Like, we have good conversations about things, some things very deep. My lack of experience in dating, I don't know anything different. I guess this is the kind of stuff he crossed paths with over the years. Leadfeather. Sorry about the dating thing. I took 4 yrs. and a few months to decide to try to date. That was longer than many folks. I wasn't ready as I loved my DH still. Good luck in maneuvering and finding the right path for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leadfeather Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Online Date #1 had a beautiful smile, she had to cancel our first lunch date because of an emergency at work, had to leave early on our second lunch date because of an emergency at work, is not "officially" divorced, has two preschool age kids and is not sure when she has time to date but wants to see me again. To many red flags for me so moving on. Online Date #2 I really hit it off with and we made plans to see each other again, but tonight she texted that she met someone else and wants to see where that goes. So moving on. On the lighter side there was no discussion of genitalia size. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 So date number 2 last night with online dude , only 3 years from first date to second date . Lol . He wasn’t ready to date 3 years ago . Very nice guy , but I didn’t feel anything that plus young kids , not sure he would be for me . Now this part I hate , if he texts saying I’m not interested . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leadfeather Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Now this part I hate , if he texts saying I’m not interested . Just rip that bandaid right off. As someone who was just was on the receiving end of a "your a nice guy but" text I much prefer to know and move on than to wait and not know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Leadfeather.. you are correct . I texted him , and he was so nice about it . He agreed the difference in our kids ages and where we are at this stage in life wouldn’t work. Phew .. always hate that part . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faye Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 After a while I learned when a date cancelled, I left the ball in his court to re-schedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof2obs Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 On the lighter side there was no discussion of genitalia size. . . Damn...you did better than me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof2obs Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 it just keeps getting better...I can't wait for the book I write about my experiences... Had a guy message me that he wants me to be his sugar momma (hello, buy into the rich widow myth much?) I asked him what he meant and got this reply... "you pay me for the ultimate orgasmic experience of your life" : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I got a similar offer once but I didn't have to pay him, he wanted to experience an older woman. 🤔 Uh no thanks you! I'm never that desperate for human contact! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Matched with a guy on tinder, we messaged . We happen to have a mutual friend in common . He asked for my number and texted me last night . I was out and said I would text him when I got home , I did .. he read it ( thanks iPhone ) no response. Texts me today , I respond he reads and no response . Ok not a good first impression... next... but why bother really ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 momtojandj Don't write him off too soon, the timing of texts has always been a source of stress for me. It's the very start of communicating and there's no protocol. I'd give him a chance and see where it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Yes -- the text thing is crazy-making. Often if you don't ask any questions in your message, people feel no need to respond. He might have a weird schedule as well, making responses difficult. Never know until you have a chance to meet him if you so desire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 A little backstory for new wids. I haven't ventured into online dating unless Facebook counts. A lot of men contact me through Facebook. Back in May I decided to take a break from dating. It was just very underwhelming and unsatisfying. On my birthday, August 28th, I ran into a guy I graduated high school with at the gas station. I was airing my tires and glanced back at him. He looked familiar, but I just went back to airing my tires. Then I left. He messaged me on Facebook asking if I was just at the gas station airing my tires. Our conversation started from there. We met for lunch a few days later. We started meeting for lunch once a week, talking and texting daily, then seeing each other more often, evenings, etc. I'm an over thinker, so I'm trying really hard just to take it one day at a time. I really enjoy his company. He's a great guy. We're always laughing, both sarcastic. I feel really comfortable with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Good for you, Virgo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Good for you, Virgo! Thank you! I'm cautiously optimistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leadfeather Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Not really a vent, more of a question. How many men/women do you talk to online at a time? It feels like if I am not careful I am going to have to many conversations going at once. Three seems to be about my limit. Also after a few days of chatting I want to do a meet and greet before investing to much more time in a conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Widow Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I think 3 was my limit too. Actually it was a good number because I quickly realized that when I got a notification, I was disappointed if it was from #2 or #3 and I focused my attention on #1. It took us about 3 weeks to meet in person, but it was February and the weather was wreaking havoc with attempts to get together. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leadfeather Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Actually it was a good number because I quickly realized that when I got a notification, I was disappointed if it was from #2 or #3 and I focused my attention on #1. That is what I am seeing in myself also. And I have a coffee meet-up scheduled with #1 next Saturday. . .and I don't even drink coffee. Hope I am not her #2 or 3. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Not really a vent, more of a question. How many men/women do you talk to online at a time? It feels like if I am not careful I am going to have to many conversations going at once. I think my max was a bit more - maybe six/seven. And to keep it all straight I took notes of important points for each of the ladies. Number of kids, where they went to church, things that interested them, things that they didn't like, etc. Keeping things straight became even more important when I would meet them. I went out with many women during certain time periods. I treated it like a bunch of interviews - not drilling them for information but rather putting my best foot forward, determining what type of relationship they were looking for, personality style, outlook on life, did she seem interested in me - that sort of thing. Good luck - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I am also finding 3 is a good number. I went up to 5 once but it was too hectic for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Well hell, no wonder I'm getting in so much trouble. I'm chatting with.....crap I don't even know how many right now. But they quickly get weeded out......just for more to show up. I don't take it too seriously until I see the guy is really interested and puts forth the effort to meet me. Maybe I'm too lackadaisical about it all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof2obs Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 I'm beginning to think it is me... One guy I had met up with once previously got in contact with me two weeks ago and asked if I wanted to have dinner with him one night last week. I said yest and then I never heard back from him. I texted to follow up and no reply. After messaging back and forth pretty consistently for a few weeks, I told another guy that I was interested in getting together with him. He said he would like that but then the messages got fewer and fewer until no contact at all for almost a week now. I guess I don't have what it takes to get the follow through ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 momof2 -- sometimes it is the expectation of the other party. He may be nervous about actually meeting you (best case) or he is interested in something other than dinner (what I often found). I tended to get right to it: I am not looking for a hook up, do not want an intimate partner or a friend with benefits. Put almost those words in my profile and the contacts became few and far between. However, there were a few who were quite persistent in trying! I adjusted my profile several times and apologized if my NJ sharp tongue was off-putting, but I wrote how I felt. I focused on one person at a time as I was in no rush to meet someone. Don't give up. And also consider other ways to meet people. If you have a hobby, consider getting more involved. If you don't, find one Check out local meet and greets or speed dating -- that way, you are already face to face with several possibilities. If you are involved in a faith community, become more of a volunteer around the parish. None of these 'guarantee' you won't meet people who will drift, not reply, or be just plain weird, but it opens the possibilities. Plus with the hobby thing, you'll get to have fun and maybe learn a new skill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Online dating - or dating in general - especially as we get older is so odd to me. Please don't take these actions personally..you never know what the other person's situation is. Ive been on PLENTY of dates where I thought it was great and then poof. Some of the disappearance reasons are their own - ie. they get involved with someone else (a lot of choice online), their schedules are too busy (I had a few lovely widower dates but they were just overwhelmed with raising children and working and no way would they date someone living more than 15 mins away), their priority isn't dating right now (weird as they are online dating but its true) and some people just have their own insecurities and issues. People are complicated. Don't give up - there are some great people out there also looking to meet us ! I agree, though, the ghosting is just plain rude, especially if you've been corresponding or dating someone for a bit.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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