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On line dating vents and laughs......


momtokam
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  • 2 weeks later...

For some reason, I am only able to relate or connect with women a little older than me online.  I'm 40 and I am currently chatting well with a 42, 44 and 46 year old.  All have children, 2 separated one windowed.  I found many of the women less than 40 want children of their own and want someone that is 6 feet plus 😀.  I'm only 5'8" lol

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It’s funny you say that. I found I liked older men for a similar reason. Many wanted the hope of having kids someday and that door is closed for me already so I was drawn to men older than me who didn’t want children however not too much older because then it became an issue of interest where they didn’t understand me or relate well to me. As for height, I just need the guy to be taller than me and at 5’5” that’s easy. 😅 

 

Good luck! Age is but a number after a certain point so I see no issue with the ladies you are drawn to. In the end, it’s about compatibility. 

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Hello everyone!

It has been almost 4 years since I started this thread. It is unreal how the time has gone by... It started as a simple frustration, let out as a vent. It evolved with the addition of funny and crazy dating stories. It also became a valuable source of information on online dating and warning signs to be careful of. It also gave me a wonderful new friendship through commiseration.

 

I know when I started online dating, I had NO clue what it was like, and I was quite naive about scammers, ghosters, and liars. After my crazy scenarios (I have actually made notes for a potential book), I wanted to teach others through my experiences.

 

So where has online dating taken me lately?

 

I became pickier over the years. I didn't talk or meet with just anyone, so I had very few meets and greets. I took it less seriously and kept it more on the back burner instead of having it consume my whole life. I took complete breaks from it from time to time as well. (I even dated a widower for a few months last year, but he wasn't healed enough to be in a relationship, even though he was further out than I was).

 

In early February I was rarely online, and only really browsing here and there on Bumble and Tinder. I had long deleted everything else. One day I thought to just see what that day might offer up on Bumble.

 

Only one week earlier, a certain gentleman had watched The Book Club and learned about Bumble for the first time. He decided to see what that was all about.

 

We matched. Being in the mode of thinking nothing would probably come of it, I made the most minimal contact (women have to initiate after a match on Bumble), and just said "Hello XXXX". He replied with a fabulous message about a pic in my profile. He also asked about my online dating experiences, and I told him about my book! 🤣 He replied that he would love to read it when it was done and he thought the last line should read..."And then I met XXXX, but that is a story for another book..."

 

It's been a little over three months, and it has been the easiest relationship I have ever had, maybe even easier than with my husband. Who knows what will happen going forward, but we are simply enjoying each other right now.

 

The silly coincidence? He is a pilot, and I am a widow. If you have seen The Book Club, you will see why this is quite amusing! 😁

Edited by momtokam
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  • 3 months later...

Why, tybec? My LH was 62 when he died and my son with special needs was around 19 at that time. They got along wonderfully. Age is a number; what matters is the vibe between all of you. I too am 50 and people are shocked when I tell them that. Don't close off the possibilities before you've seen who's out there ;)

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Stillwidowed, you're only as old as you feel.  I'm 44 and think a haunted house would be a fun date. But, I also like being in the pit at concerts, going to waterparks, and gokart racing. 😁 Very playful! It's hard to find guys my age who can keep up. 

 

Off topic, I told a coworker that I feel like my purpose in life is to make everyone else happy. It seems that way anyway. I'm the go to person for advice and support. Then they find their special someone. I'm still by myself. 

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Virgo -- so sorry you haven't found that 'one' (or more LOL) that sees the greatness in you. Maybe ask them what they are looking for instead of giving advice; that way, you can show them that you are the one they're looking for ;)

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Stillwidowed, yes that's completely different. :)

 

Arneal, that could be. I don't think my mindset is there yet. It's slowly getting there. I think most men would say we move fast, but in my experience the men do. I would rather let things evolve naturally at a slow pace. Obviously I haven't met the man who will change my mind yet. 

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Well, sure Virgo, I get it. But it's also that some men move faster than women because they are excited and aren't sure what to do :) If you set the tone, you'll likely find and develop the relationship you're looking for.

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Very true Arneal. 

 

I had an impromptu lunch date yesterday with a guy I ran into two weeks ago in a grocery store parking lot. We are friends on Facebook because of mutual friends, but that was our first time meeting in person. We started messaging each other daily since then. Yesterday he asked if I could meet him for lunch. Conversation flowed easily. We're still messaging, but no mention of a second date yet. We'll see what happens. 

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On 9/28/2019 at 10:41 AM, tybec said:

Best on line dating sites for 50 yr old?  Just turned, and have 16  yr. old, so don't want 60 yr. olds or up.  

 

I get not wanting to have a big age gap. I’ve been in relationships with men 10 years older and 5-7 years younger. Basically, I didn’t find it enjoyable being with someone who didn’t share my generational references, you know? Plus- I’ve never been accused of being mature for my age so maybe that’s why I always preferred my own age group in regards to men 😀

 

My husband was 18 months younger, my boyfriend is 9 months older. Before being in my current relationship, an acquaintance of my husband’s was hitting on me and even though he was only 8 years older he seemed....old. We just spoke a different kinda language. Same for the guy who was 17 years younger that I had one date with, too big a gap! It’s just not personally appealing to me. 

 

Good luck ❤️

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On 9/28/2019 at 11:41 AM, tybec said:

Best on line dating sites for 50 yr old?  Just turned, and have 16  yr. old, so don't want 60 yr. olds or up.  

 

OurTime is marketed towards those 50 and over but pretty much all of them have some feature that allows you to put limits on your age preferences. I did not use OurTime btw - I just have heard of it. 

 

Also, I might mention the fact that you have a 16yr old in your profile. Folks that are not interested in getting involved with a woman with minor children will generally not respond to that situation. And again, usually, that will be the older guys. 

 

I had great luck with a limited focus dating site - maybe look around and see if there are sites for you that are focused on your interests. It may help to cut down on guys that you wouldn't be interested in. 

 

I know this isn't what you are looking for but I went out with women plus or minus 15 years of my age at the time. Even though I certainly didn't match with every one, I learned something valuable from each of them and a number of them are still good friends. But that's just me. 

 

Good luck! 

 

Mike

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Thanks.  Chose Zoosk.  Saw the others. Playing around.  I cut to the chase.  Landlocked 3 yrs to get my kid graduated since I moved him.  Tell  up  front.  

 

These men.  Really?  Pics of fishing, hunting, work outs and body shots at 50.  Geez.  Not a 20 yr old.  I am in a rural area but camping at 50+.  Get a buddy. 

 

On line dating guy that liked me:   

I am a car fanatic. I love mustangs and the Dallas Cowboys. recently divorced looking for fun. dont be shy. holla at me.

My Perfect Match
loves cars and knows about cars

 

 


 He wants a buddy not a woman!  😳😂😉😉

 

and then scammers.  Wow.  

 

My late wife had your name.  We are fate!  

 

And why look at me 60 plus mikes away if I said I am not moving?  😐 idk

 

Patience. Really.....

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Yikes, tybec! That does all sound a bit...limited. Have you looked into Meet-Ups at all, or maybe groups that meet at the library- maybe could expand your friendship circle at the very least...then they could introduce you to someone they know! A widow friend found her new husband on e-harmony.

 

Although, I will say, at age 55 I do love to go camping. My husband was such a city boy (and also super into classic cars😆) so he never wanted to go, but bf was raised by a Boy Scout executive so he is an excellent camper. You can always choose places with cabins or yurts so you don’t hafta completely rough it. We sleep our older bones on an air mattress. I do think you can tell a lot about a person by camping with them.  I’m in a fairly large city, though, so getting out into nature is very soul-satisfying for me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ask the Mustang lover if he's interested in a 2001 Cobra. Ha! Just kidding. I still haven't ventured into online dating. I post here because it's really the only dating discussion. The closest I've been to online dating is being approached on Facebook. 

 

I've been out 3 more times with the impromptu lunch guy. Two movies, two lunches. He's an interesting guy. I'm enjoying spending time with him. Easy on the eyes too. 

 

I was approached by a guy at Walmart in front of my girls. They thought it was hilarious. I knew him from the gym that Phil and I went to, so he wasn't a stranger. He said he moved out of the area, never sees me anymore, so he asked for my contact information. My girls held in the giggling until after he walked away. 

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Okay,  doing this on line. My kid has activities the next 3 weekends, so not an option to meet up for a bit. Just my life.  I put in short distance parameters. I did the long distance, moved and it fell apart anyway. I am not moving. I have been telling potentials up front I am landlocked 3 years.  I am not moving my son again. He was not thrilled when I did, but he is doing so great in school, has friends and a great church program. So, EH, may be single a while anyway.  I am about 50 miles from a decent sized city, but still, the drive.

 

I have told a guy he was too far and he keeps talking to me. I have told him I am unavailable for a few weeks. He says he will wait. I am done with him.  Nice to chat to another human at night, but I am not interested. Too many red flags.  My therapist is working with me on my "list" of things to help prevent me from getting involved with another unavailable man. I am "too nice" often. I am a people pleasure and care taker.  So a lot to learn.  The ghosting thing hasn't happened in real life, just on line and that doesn't bother me so far.  

It feels so weird to do this. I did it once before and then found my former NG quickly.  But life changed and here I am. Anyway, so venting and comraderie. 

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Tybec, I can understand not wanting to move your son. I feel the same way about not moving while my daughters are still in school. How are the new options coming along?

 

I've been seeing the impromptu guy more. I enjoy spending time with him. He seems to be at the same pace as me, slow. It's refreshing. 

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