On line dating vents and laughs......

[Guaruj]

...and you thought your own on-line dating encounters went badly:

 

    Woman On Tinder Date Gets Stuck In Window Trying To Retrieve Her Own Poop

 

I was almost encouraged to read this:

 

Although their first date ended up stinking to high heaven, it hasn’t swayed Smyth off a potential future with his lady friend.

 

“She’s a lovely girl ― I’m not sure what’s going to happen ― I’m really busy with my dissertation at the moment, but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again,” he told the Daily Star.

 

Oh, he's suddenly "busy" now? Of course he should ask her for a second date! How could she turn him down?

 

|+|  M a r k  |+|

[Momtojandj]

Actually had a third date last night with someone I had gone out with twice b4, but months ago . He wasn't really ready to date then . Anyway he reached out and we had a very nice time. Hoping for another date . 👍🏻

[Leadfeather]

Thank you for this thread. It has been helpful.

 

The profile examples somewhere in the middle of this long chain were very helpful in rewriting my own description borrowing parts of them. I hope no one minds. My original about me was written way to soon after my wife died and I shared way to much.

 

I have found after having been married for just a few months shy of 25 years and having only dated one woman in my life I have to re-calibrate my expectations.

 

I think the next date I go on I will go with the expectation that I am just going to enjoy a drink and small talk with a woman and not concern myself with anything past that.

 

One of the men on this thread mentioned not asking for a second date until he has had time to think about the first, and that also seemed like good advice.

 

And it was a hopeful thing to read the thread all the way through and see a few people who were searching and venting at the start of this massive thread and who now have found someone.

[arneal]

Hi, Leadfeather -- great points there about expectations. I was married twice for a total of about 25 years of committed relationship so your comment there certainly resonated. It is possible to find someone. Don't give up. Maybe take breaks and try different sites, but stick to what it is you want and don't settle. Several of us are at a point now that we can laugh about some of the horror stories we've endured with online dating, probably because we weathered the storm and made a connection of some sort. All the best to you (and all)!

[FaithOverFear]

As I am thinking I am ready to step into the world of dating, I have been giving a lot of thought to what that may look like and how I want to handle it. It seems to me that you are taking it at a good speed without jumping too fast into it. I was married 29 years and it took me a while to get to the point where I think I am ready to more in a forward direction. I wish you the best in your journey.

[jgib]

Well, I am done with the online bs.....  It obviously is not my thing. 

Whether I am going about it wrong or just not ready, who knows?  I am tired of it all.  Maybe my expectations are too high??  Maybe I move too slow?  Maybe I am too weird and just don't fit?  Maybe the dating world, I have never experienced before this, is not one for me?

I am done with it for the time being.  Perhaps my perfect fit is gone and I just need to accept that, I know I am not willing to just be with someone to be with someone.  I know how good it can be.

Ok, rant over.  Nice to hear it has worked for some of you. 

[arneal]

jgib -- yes, online dating is weird and can make you feel weird. Many folks here have taken breaks and tried other things like going to speed dating events, blind dates, set ups by friends or family, joining social event things ... whatever works. Take your time, there's no rule. But for sure, it ain't like it used to be ...  : ???

[Momtojandj]

Jgib..... I hear you with online. I feel like if you want to meet someone , it's a necessary evil. Try taking a break, maybe use other sites . Hugs that you are not alone in this .

[trying2breathe]

jgib  Sorry to hear that you're having a rough go of it.  I joined a dating service and the members there are vetted, so those that I met were available, ready to date and seemed to be relatively sane.    I didn't really have any expectations when going on dates, other than an expectation that I'd be safe and hoped to have a pleasant time with somebody new and I usually wasn't disappointed.

Good luck!

[Love2fish]

 

 

I like your attitude T2B.  "Have a pleasant time" 

 

I wish I had known that sooner in my dating.  I eventually caught on and had some real fun M&Gs even when it was obvious to each of us that no LTR was going to happen.  Those were some of the best encounters.

 

There were other M&Gs, especially in the first year, that weren't so easy going.  I met several ladies who absolutely hated feeling like they had to do the M&G.  One told me she felt like she was putting herself in a shop window in Amsterdam.  I felt so sorry for her. 

[Momtojandj]

T2b ... I wish there was dating services around me , can I ask is it expensive ?

[trying2breathe]

It can be somewhat expensive - the service kind of figures out what you can afford and goes from there.  There's no harm in checking it out if you find something where you are.  If's it not for you, just walk away. 

[trying2breathe]

love2fish  Oh gosh, the shop window in Amsterdam image    It's about attitude, in my humble opinion. The more relaxed I am the better experience I seem to have.

[Momtojandj]

So I had a really nice date Sunday night . Technically it was our third , first two were a few months ago but his divorce wasn't final . Fast forward and we went out . We both talked about when we date we focus on one person, and not keep looking online. Well a friend saw him online, a lot yesterday . I called him out and said don't think dating will work for us , we can be friends and maybe hang out . He said he was only checking messages. Alrighty then ... back to drawing board . Bummed we really got along well.

[klim]

I wouldn't be that quick to dismiss, in honesty it's a first date that went well...and you want to go ahead to find out more about the guy. You are not an exclusive dating couple after 1( recent) date....If the habit continues after you've established a relationship then yes that is not good.

 

I know when I was online I was involved in numerous conversations..... and even when I had been on a successful date I didn't ghost from those conversations. My successful 1 date did not mean I had found my guy....it meant maybe i had found something. 3 or 4 dates later I often found out that no I didn't, so back to the drawing board and hopefully some of those people that I didn't ghost on were still around.

 

i would give the guy a chance. 

[Momtojandj]

Klim .. I think what bugs me is how he brought it up, not going online and focusing on one person . Then he's the one online . I left it in his court , if he wants to ask me out again .

[Captains wife]

I could see how that is irritating especially after what he said....but I have done ALOT of online dating and it takes me several dates with someone to consider even putting my match account on hold and concentrating on one person (even with great first dates). Maybe he is looking to focus on one person but taking his time to do so?? This could especially be the case if recently divorced (I have really seen alot of divorce baggage out there). Its so hard to tell with online dating what people's motives are...I feel like I have seen it all.....

[Love2fish]

klim & Captains wife both make good points Momto,

 

I found myself in this situation more than once.  Multiple conversations going on and sometimes multiple M&Gs set up.  Then someone comes along who just might be the one.  What to do about the others I had been talking to?  There is no good answer to that question that I ever found. 

 

The best I found was to be open and honest with all.  My gilf friend and I both had numerous others that we were talking to or had dates with before we met.  She still (after 10 months) has a couple guys who check in to make sure she is still unavailable and she writes to tell them we are happy together and plan to keep it that way.  The ladies I had been talking to, or had recently met, thanked me for my honesty and asked that I get back to them if things changed.  One of them had a cute way of saying it  "If miss 1st place is unable to complete her term please call me first runner-up."

 

No two situations are alike and you are dealing with a recently divorced guy.  Another animal altogether.  Good luck with that.  I share my experience just to offer another perspective.

[Forgottenwife]

  I eventually caught on and had some real fun M&Gs even when it was obvious to each of us that no LTR was going to happen.  Those were some of the best encounters.

 

This was my experience too. I met some interesting people and had fun. I even went so far as to introduce one of the men I met to a good friend of mine who was single, they were much better suited for one another than he and I were.

[arneal]

Momto -- yes, it is hard when you take a step in good faith. I posted several weeks ago on another thread that the person I am seeing still had POF on his phone. He was trying to show me something online and hit the screen when it and several other (non-dating related ) apps opened. I was the one who said I would focus on what was going on between us; he had agreed at another point that he wasn't into dealing with more than one person at a time. When I saw the app, I was freaked but didn't say anything. I had simply gotten rid of the apps and closed off my dating accounts, but that was my choice. There has been nothing outstanding to suggest that he is talking to anyone else. I also read on a dating discussion post that until you both agree that you are exclusive, you aren't. Not saying you want to be running about, dating tons of other people (unless you do!), but as others have said, there is an aspect of politeness in replying to messages or continuing conversations and not ghosting.

[Leadfeather]

And my M&G canceled on me tonight. She could not find a sitter, and is booked up with things for the next two weeks. Not sure if she is really interested or not so I threw the ball into her court and asked her (nicely) to throw it back if she has a night she can go out. Oldest son is out for the evening, youngest is out until Thanksgiving. The house is so quiet and I do not know how many times I can go over to my mothers or my sisters houses and talk about the same old things.

 

Screw it I am going to the gym. If nothing else having so many empty hours to fill over the past 10 months has helped me finally drop 55 pounds.

[arneal]

Leadfeather -- I hear you! I never worked out in my life until after LH died. It was good for me physically and a good stress reliever. Hope you get in a good M&G soon!

[trying2breathe]

Leadfeather  I hear you too, I had a lot of evenings spent with my parents watching Wheel of Fortune (yawn) and sharing TV dinners.   It's taken time and a lot of effort to get going with my own routine.  Sounds like a good thing that you put the ball in her court and asked her to make the next move, I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts you soon.

 

 

I fess up that I get Match and eHarmony emails, I'd be embarrassed if NG found them as I've never engaged in on-line dating or conversed with anybody on any of the sites.  Guess it's time to delete those .....

[Leadfeather]

With my mother it is Everyone Loves Raymond and Frasier reruns. But going over there is still helpful. She lost my father about a year and a half before my wife died. So she know exactly what I am going through. And she lives a block away.

 

 

[Love2fish]

I am very sorry you qualified to join our group of widows Leadfeather.

 

You were right to let the lady know it's in her court if there is a next step.  In the meantime get out there at least a couple nights a week with new ladies.

 

Show your mom how to use POF and Ourtime.