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Celebration tinged with sadness


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My middle son graduated high school yesterday.  I'm very proud of him and so excited to see what the future holds in store for him.  I did pretty well at the graduation but after I was so emotional, his Dad should be here, beaming with pride, standing next to me and celebrating our child.  I'm sad for my son, I'm sad for Tim that he is not here to see him, and I am sad for me.  No one will ever share the love, pride, stress and anguish of parenting these 3 children with me again.  So today I wake up with puffy eyes and go back to my life and doings what needs to be done, solo parenting as best as I can.

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Sorry - you must be so proud but I know that feeling....I'm sorry its so tough. Its not fair at all...this solo parenting - and we keep facing life's milestones without the other parent. (This is different but I am about to throw a big birthday for my son who is turning 5 and even making the plans and thinking about my husband not being there makes me all teary). You are doing so well, with 3 kids...you should feel proud of yourself as well : )

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Guest TooSoon

Congratulations on your son's graduation!  Yes, of course, milestones are hard but also cause for celebration!  It isn't fair or right that your Tim wasn't there but YOU got him there and YOU were there to celebrate and that's what we promised we would do and that's what our kids need.  That is worth celebrating in its own right!  I think you are pretty amazing!  Big hugs! 

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Guest April

I am with you.. my oldest son graduates from high school next friday.. it will definitely be a tear jerking event for me.

 

I feel the same as you.. no one will appreciate, love and rejoices our kids the way he and I do/did.. so I will stand alone.. crying because I'm proud.. because my baby is all grown up.. and for grievance of my parental partner along with you <3

 

Congratulations to you and your son for reaching this mile stone!! 

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Congratulations to your son and you! This is such an important milestone and first step into adulthood. It so heartbreaking that the only person you would like to share this proud moment could not be there!

I too was invited to attend my nephew's commencement ceremony this past Sunday. Where the time went: seems like yesterday this kid was sitting on my lap and giving me fish kisses and now was graduating from one of the elite prep schools in Philadelphia. Even though I thought I could not stand it to be in a crowd this early out, I made myself attend it. I was fighting tears all the way to the end seeing families together, generations of these very accomplished men, proud and supportive of their children, grandchildren becoming adults. I did not feel sorry for myself or my daughter. Quite the opposite, it made me want to work even harder to be able to secure a great education and bright future for her. I felt so sorry for my dear husband who could not be there and celebrate with the family and never will have a chance to experience this proud moment for our daughter. One widow told me that this feeling badly for the deceased missing out will never go away... I am sorry to highjack your thread, had to get it off my chest...

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  • 6 years later...

Looking back at these old posts and so much has changed yet so much is the same.  My youngest son just graduated high school and is headed to college next month.  The night of his graduation we had limited tickets.  My mother and late husband’s mother were supposed to sit with me and middle son (oldest son couldn’t get off work) while current husband and my 2 step sons were watching remotely in the school auditorium.  Middle son got stuck in traffic and didn’t make it until the end, my mom and MIL couldn’t handle the bleacher seats and ended up sitting together in folding chairs in the back. There I sat, completely alone, watching my son graduating and feeling completely alone.  Being alone was obvious when my older 2 graduated 9 months and 2 1/2 years after DH died, awful but obvious.  No one even acknowledged that I was sitting all alone.  I may be remarried but not having my son’s Dad next to me at graduation was still incredibly difficult.  

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9 hours ago, Trying said:

so much has changed yet so much is the same....   not having my son’s Dad next to me at graduation was still incredibly difficult.  

 

I feel this way. I do have a couple of rare friends that seem to understand that this is something that will never change. There will always be these moments when you think to yourself "he should be here". I am glad we have this place again to say these things without people wondering what is wrong with us!

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Absolutely agree. My daughter graduated from high school this year and although my sister and her husband were with me, I felt very alone. He should have been there to see his daughter graduate. 

 

10 years and although the moments of this are farther and farther apart, they still hit me hard when they appear. 

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  • 1 month later...

Wow...I don't know what made me check this board today, but I'm happy to see it is revived. Seeing everyone again feels like home.

 

So much has happened in my life as well. I'm 13+ years out, just recently passed what should have been my 25th anniversary. My kids are thriving, and every milestone underscores the loss. My boyfriend moved in, which is emotional in itself, but required going through more of DH's things. Much of it got packed away, but still much remains front and center.

 

Looking forward to catching up...

 

abl

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