TornApart Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 I'm 3.5 years out and have been doing pretty well, all things considered. To the point that I couldn't quite conceive the magnitude of the pain back in the first two years. But the other day, I was driving my new car and thinking about a new Avengers movie, part of which was filmed a block from my workplace.... it all came back. I started thinking, which was the last movie in the Avengers that he saw, he would have loved my new car. Just two little things and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe, my throat tightened up, my stomach felt like I had been punched. You all know. Gut wrenching tears and gasping for breath. What new little thing would your partners have loved? What takes you back the beginning? What do you wish you could share with them and see their joy? Maybe a silly question. Everything?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 Finding something funny always gets me because our humor was so alike. So memes and funny YouTube videos really get me. Its hard not being able to share them with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 DH would have loved all the new technological things. I still use his iPad and iPhone, now dated. But the big thing, not small, is his great son! He had no father and had such joy to be one. Our son turns 13 in Sept. DH would have been so proud, so involved, pure joy. :-X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 with the help of family and friends our bedroom that we started redoing before he died is finished it overlooks the backyard and you see all his gardens MyDon would have loved to see the finish project Hate that would have been our bedroom is now just mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 For me it's mostly things to do with our kids. So many moments big and small that he has missed. I also would have loved to hear the things he would've said about the election, sometimes I can just hear his snarky comments when I'm watching the news and I laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 It kills me that Jim didn't get to see the Star Wars movies. He was a huge fan, knew everything about the movies and the expanded universe, and he was excited to see what Disney would do with it. He used to joke that he had a PhD in Star Wars, and now I keep thinking there's a whole new chapter he's missing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 My first husband died almost 7 years ago. He never had a smart phone. He had a genetic neuromuscular disease and was really weak physically. Nothing he tried at the end of his life gave him acceptable access to his computer. He could have used a smart phone, even with his hand and finger weakness. That would have made his world in many ways. He was a strong extrovert and loved to communicate with people. My second husband never got to use the back yard he designed, including a post to mount his telescope. The extensive landscaping, patio, walkways, walls, grasses and other native plants were finished by the contractor at the end of November. Our furniture arrived in December when he was away at a conference. I joined him in California and we spent more time out there. We came home December 22. We sat outside in the cold the next night for a few minutes together, and the next day we were off to Wisconsin. We never went out there again. He died unexpectedly on January 11th. I've looked at that yard for 2 1/2 years and it only makes me sad. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twin_mom Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 My son starts banjo lessons today, his father would have loved that!! I admit that it had crossed my mind dh is whispering in ds's ear on this one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 NOt sure he would have loved this but it's more I think about what his reaction would be. It's weird I live in an area where a lot of the houses that were built in the 1950's are being torn down and large houses, almost mansions really, are being erected. This year on my crescent that only has about 15 houses, 7 are being torn down and rebuilt. I hardly recognize the street..........and I always think if he were to check back in would he even recognize the area. Sidenote : It's not that I think he is going to come back any moment fantasy thing...it's just that thought how would he react. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Oh my goodness, my husband would have loved the last season of Game of Thrones. He would have enjoyed all the nerdy movies that came out this year. He would have been excited that the Cubs are doing great this season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 He would be on edge right now about Formula1 outcome; thrilled that Nico has a chance at the championship; a bit sad for his beloved Ferrari making 4th and 5th. Darling, I continue to watch the races, as many as I can; hope you are having fun up there with some great F1 legends, spraying champagne out of giant bottles and all; you deserve it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladybug Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 My husband would have loved to see the new Star Wars movie. I know he would have loved it. Even after all these years I still see things that I know he would have loved to see and do. I miss him so very much, even though I don't say that to any one very often. They would not understand that feeling of being a widow. Has we all know, some days are a lot harder than others. Thanks for being there everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 Like Julester3, new seasons of Game of Thrones. I watch them really in tribute to him, as they were never my thing. I can't watch the other shows we used to watch together any more. Hugs, TornApart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 The big things like the kitchen renovation that we talked about but never made happen before he died and then small things like never having a smartphone and being able to send simple texts to each other (and then having them today to look back on). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 I'm four years out. These are more big things vs. little things. The little things do come up on a regular basis. Cindy would love to see how happy and how well our children are doing. Our daughter got married last month to a wonderful man. Our son graduated from college and is so happy to finally have a place of his own with his girlfriend. Cindy wrote me many a letter and many a note back in the days. Just finished reading one today. So grateful for her love, our life together and these wonderful notes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 Oh yeah, the Star Wars movies. I got choked up watching that. She loved them (we were both major geeks) I didn't own horses until a couple of years after she died. Dogs were all we could afford-- medical expenses were a way of life for so long. She couldn't ride that much thanks to her health, but rode a bunch in her youth. I like to think she would have loved my ponies as much as she loved our dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Star Wars, yep. Also every Marvel movie. He had plans to see Guardians of the Galaxy later in the day he died unexpectedly. Seeing how goofy looking the puppy we got the day before he died has gotten. Changes at work- we used to work for the same company and I always think about wanting to tell him things. Seeing our old boss win the primary for becoming a congresswoman. Advances in 3D printing. All things nerdy. All of it he should have gotten a chance to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 He would have had the best, brightest set of golf clubs available --- titanium and graphite shafts were just coming into vogue when he died. He was a maniac for golf. He would have hated or loved the advances of internet and computers -- he read articles and science websites for hours but struggled doing his monthly Expense Report for work on Excel. He would love that his son is an engineer just like him - albeit a different discipline (John was a Civil Engineer, son is an Electrical Engineer) ... he would have been totally blown over that he backed the wrong offspring. He thought our daughter was the natural engineer - she started the same path as her father but confesses she did it to get her dad off her back and never thought she was engineer material... she bailed the term after her dad died, and now has a career for an international security firm as a Trainer and Procedures Auditor. He would be distressed that I am vegetarian now and have several tattoos - but he would probably still make 'wild piggy' noises at me, especially when I get the blue hair dye going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TornApart Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Thanks so much, all. I sat here reading your stories with a smile on my face, and then tears streaming down my face. They all sound so awesome. Your examples made me think 'oh yeah, he would have loved that too!' Never thought I would be happy to cry, but I have learnt to think of tears as a sweet release now. The tears are just the price I have to pay these days to revisit happy moments and memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 Our three daughters milestones of course, or anything family related. His niece just had her first baby. His sister moved back to Indiana. To the simple things like finishing a few TV series we started together, or new movie releases. Deadpool comes to mind because when we saw his character in an X-men movie we both agreed he needed his own movie. Right now he would be extremely excited about his Minnesota Vikings being undefeated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twin_mom Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 The banjo teacher thinks DS needs to sing while he plays, so he's currently sitting on his bed strumming his two chords and singing "down in the valley" in monotone. DH would have eaten this up!!! Me, I'm counting the minutes till I leave to get his sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 ok I know this is just a tiny one but driving through dunkin donuts they have a Resse's peanut butter square , Don would have loved that ! anything peanut butter and sweet , Made me smile for a second then...yup hes not here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 So many things.....I think about that a lot. Star wars - definitely Our new living room and bathroom (I redid both after he died) Our son's new bedroom - I turned my husband's office into our son's room (one of the best rooms in the house : ) and we kept the stuff he put up in there...like his fish shelves) Our new car - I finally traded in the Dodge Ram truck 2 years ago and bought the car he wanted to buy for me Our son's accomplishments - seeing him go off to Kindergarten on the bus Our settling into small town life - I did the things he wanted to do locally such as join the sailing program and the local yacht club Going to the new restaurants in Seaport - he would have loved that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MauiMermaid Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 This election and all the drama and comedy that's gone with it. Just realized it's the first one with out him since I was old enough to vote. Miss you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 My late husband would love the neighborhood where I moved. He would be thrilled that our son is thriving in his 2nd year at college. And he would be incredulous that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are our presidential candidates, would have loved watching the voting process and to see who wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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