I'm so tired.

[Guest angelk75]

It's been almost 3 months now and with Christmas coming, I am really struggling. I'm trying really hard to keep it together for my children but everything makes me cry. I feel so completely alone and empty, I just want so much to let go and just cry and scream it's not fair,it's not right but I would probably scare my children senseless. I'm sad, lonely, angry, empty, tired. I'm so tired.

[beth_krkswidow]

I'm so sorry Angel.  So very sorry.  I don't have children, so I can't pretend to understand that part.  Is there any place you can go to scream and cry where they wouldn't hear you?  I know it is necessary.  I cry all the time and when I'm in the car I pretty much cry and scream all the time.  I physically feel better afterwards.  Mentally, not so much.  But it is a necessary part... and at almost 7 months, I am still crying all the time. 

Empty.  Yes.  That is a perfect description.

So sorry.

Hugs probably won't help, but I'm sending them to you anyway,

Beth

[MR]

Hi Angel,

You have described exactly what I am going thru. Leaving to visit family in India (20 hrs flight) in less than 48 hours but haven't even took the clothes for me or kids to take. I suppose our priority changes as we go thru this phase.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[Julester3]

Grieving is tiring business. I have always been a very busy person, a true multi-tasker with several things going on from work, different volunteering ventures, and my own pet projects. It now takes all of my energy to run my household, work, and take care of my kids - never mind all the extra stuff I used to do for the holidays. My doctor wants to see me exercise more and I honestly don't have the energy for it still 8 months later.

 

It's okay to let your children see you cry. They need to see that you are hurting and struggling too with your loss. Crying is a good release of collecting internal grief and I think it helps to get it out when you need to. I think what will scare the kids is if you are constantly crying. That will make them worry. What I did with the girls is talk about triggers and what sets me off. I kid you not, I nearly lost it in DSW a few days ago because the kids found hideous Hanukkah socks my DH would have loved to match his ugly Hanukkah sweater. I just gulped and turned away so I could control it. I didn't cry but I felt them wanting to spill. Kids are very sympathetic but you have to allow them to understand what's going through your head when you cry so it gives them less to worry about. Hope that helps. Hugs for today!