Widow/Widower Tip #....

[Bobssleepykitty]

One of the posts on the old site that really helped me was the Widow/Widower Tip# that was started by one of the Vintage members. It made me laugh but, more importantly, know that widowbrain was and is completely normal. When I was going through my posts and downloading them, I found this one. Enjoy:

 

WIDOW/WIDOWER TIP #

 

1.) If you're going to go to the grocery store, don't go to the grocery store where you used to shop.

 

2.) If you're going to go to the grocery store where you used to shop, don't put any canned goods in the child seat.

 

3.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child seat, make sure that the can doesn't line up with the space where the child's legs would go.

 

4.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, don't be surprised when the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe.

 

5.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force.

 

6.)So when you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force. DO NOT run after the can, stooped over like you're chasing a ferret with your fat, middle-aged ass in the air, especially when you just barely scrape five feet tall and are dressed like some sort of wailing, demented Ninja Gnome (because you're clad all in black).

 

7.) ALSO, when you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, and you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force. AND YOU run after the can, stooped over like you're chasing a ferret with your fat, middle-aged ass in the air, especially when you just barely scrape five feet tall and dressed like some sort of wailing, demented Ninja Gnome (because you're clad all in black), DO NOT BE AT ALL surprised that your antics are on the store's security camera, and REST ASSURED that this whole escapade will be played an infinite number of times and shown at the staff picnic party for the grocery store.

 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Just stay out of the damned store where you used to shop! Like life isn't painful enough.

[lcoxwell]

This is awesome!  I needed this laugh today.  ;D

[Jen]

Bwahahahahaha!!!! I needed that desperately.

[Bobssleepykitty]

Everybody feel free to list your Widow/Widower tips here as well!