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Yeah, it happened


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Well, I had to see the emotionally unavailable guy this past Christmas for a work event.  He of course texted me and we wished each other a happy holiday.  Then two months later he texted me on HIS birthday.  Yes, his.  Not mine that was a couple weeks before.  But his.  So like a dumbass, I responded.....yet again.  We texted back and forth for a few days here and there.  Nothing major.  Nothing important.  Then he asked me to meet him for a drink.  Like a dumbass (again), I ended up meeting him.  When I walked into the restaurant bar, he walked up to me and kissed me full on in front of God and everyone.  SOB, I went weak in the knees.  We had a couple drinks, a few laughs and wound up in bed together.  The sex is unbelievable.  Chemistry like I've never had.  He texted me good morning the next day.  A few more texts back and forth and he was right back to his same old shit.  Shocking right?  No, not really.  But the one thing I did realize is that I am NOT stronger than the pull that I feel when I am in contact with him.  Sometimes we want to strut around and say we're over someone or that we won't ever go back to or engage with.....blah blah blah.  So instead, I got really honest with myself.  I admitted this guy is my kryptonite, and I needed to stay completely away from him.  And I've given myself permission to admit that weakness.   I've had him blocked for 3 months now (something I've never done) and decided that he will never use me again.   I pray I don't run into him anywhere or if I do, it's with no makeup, sweats and snot running down my face.

 

The End

Edited by StillWidowed
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I can relate to this. Just know that eventually that attraction turns into repulsion. I would also look at this a little differently. Stop beating yourself up. You know he's not what you're looking for, but he was what you needed in that moment. You needed the physical connection and you know he satisfies you. He's familiar, comfortable. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying build a relationship with him. I'm just saying don't be hard on yourself for being tempted. Blocking him shows that you're already less tempted. Good for you! 

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I don't know how far out you are, but I've come to realize that I chose emotionally unavailable men when I first started dating. It was safe, a way to keep my walls up, not get hurt. I wasn't ready for anything emotional. I'm wondering if I'm still doing this. I feel like I'm ready for more, want more, but the last guy I dated told me he loved me and I didn't say it back. Maybe it was him, but maybe it is partly me.

 

Funny, I jokingly told my 19yo daughter that I guess dating and relationships aren't my thing. She said, "right, yet you had a 22 year relationship." 

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I had an experience similar to this - so I stay completely away from him. He has asked to meet up a few times for drinks, offered for me and my son to use his vacation house and Ive had to say no. Its interesting how human attraction works and can take us over : )  Like others have said, the encounter was good for you at the time and completely understandable but please protect yourself emotionally too. Out of sight and out of mind.  

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  • 1 year later...

So how about an update to this post.  I was out to dinner with girlfriends the other night and there he was. We talked later and were fine.  Decided to be friends.  We run into each other too much and I'm tired of explaining what happened to people and the questions.  So there it is after all these years of back and forth.  You can eventually get to a place of indifference.

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  • 1 month later...

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