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Some Kind of Grief Montage

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Hey everyone, hope you're all equal to all the curveballs life is throwing at all of us now a days.


June will mark 19 years for me. It popped into my head to do some kind of grief montage, or widow montage. I wish I could communicate the idea without using the words "grief" or "widow". 


At this point for me, grief has blended seamlessly into every day life and becomes more of a friend than an enemy as the years wane. I came to a realization that so many others came to so much earlier, and that is, it never really goes away. There is never that deciding moment of transcendence that I know I felt was my due. No transcendence for you.


So this montage for me would be a multimedia one. I'd try to find songs and videos that riveted me in the beginning, middle, and on to now. It's fair to say that the last 20 year for me have been all about surviving the apparent suicide of my dh. Well, perhaps not all. These last eight years have given me the opportunity to examine, process, and finally, heal.


In the last few years, the grace of God has intervened so decisively, so powerfully, that I have no question about the hand that guides me now and sustains this state of grace.


Honestly, YouTube became my new husband, so many songs, so many videos, so many topics, moods, atmospheres communicated through thousands of videos. My relationship with YouTube is changing too. My days of being a passive viewer are coming to an end. My intensely secluded life is opening up and letting new life in. And I'm breathing it in. 


So is grief still a thing for those who are 15 years or more out? Did it disappear or become a thread in the fabric?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Is baseline the same as OK? At ten plus years out, I would have settled for ground zero, I kid you not. I never imagined feeling whole after something like that, but here we are.


Hope you're feeling OK, or at least at baseline. You can work with that. Thanks for responding.

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I am at 13 years out and I can say that my grief is healed. There has not been a day that I have not thought about my late wife, but I can look at memories with her and smile. Thoughts of her do not result in tears or sadness. I still miss her but I have survived through the horrible grief. Life is good. Different, but good. It was not easy, but here I am. I hope that healing finds you too.

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