Changes in my grief

[Silwe]

I used to listen to a lot of music after my DF died. It has been almost two years now, and as I listen to the same music as I did then, I realise that something has changed. I've got over some kind of a milestone in my grieving. It might be because I found a new man, who has been everything I could have asked for, and has helped me a lot.

There was this one song I used to listen to, and cry like a waterfall, because it reminded me of what I had and lost. It's this one, but it's in Finnish:

I translated the text roughly, so here goes:

 

I return home through the thick smoke

People walk by, there?s a hole in the road

A wooden station, a closed-down factory

I hug myself, hide my hands from the wind

If I didn?t know you?re there, I wouldn?t keep on,

I couldn?t lift my gaze from the ground

 

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You end the sentences I begin

And pick up the pieces as I break apart

So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

 

I could listen to your clinging laughter

Until the glacial ice melts or night prevails

When the crows caw and the soil goes deep

I know I did something right when I held on to you

The more time goes, I hope

That this bliss is eternal

 

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You end the sentences I begin

And pick up the pieces as I break apart

So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

 

The same force that makes the leaves grow

That teaches a small child to walk

That drives birds to warmth in the winter

Brought us together

Brought us together

 

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You end the sentences I begin

And pick up the pieces as I break apart

So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you

You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

 

Now, as I listen to it, and cry, I realise that in my mind the song has a new meaning - it no longer speaks directly of my DF, but of my new BF. He's now the one who finishes my sentences, who picks up the pieces when I fall apart, whom I hug at night and am terrified to lose because of what I've previously experienced.

 

I don't know how I feel about this. Do I feel relieved that I am moving on, or do I feel guilty?

[lcoxwell]

I am so happy for you, that you have noticed that change in your grief. I found a wonderful new man, too, and I often question whether I am feeling relieved or guilty, too. I say, enjoy your new man and embrace all the joy and happiness you can find. Life is far too short to be miserable.

[Jen]

I very much doubt your dh would ever want you to feel guilty for not being miserable. ((((Hugs))) I'm so glad you've found love and some peace.