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Minny9

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    18
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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    12/12/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Rhonda
  • Spouse's Age
    49

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  1. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. As an aside, my late wife earned her Masters in 2014 at age 46 (after 28 years in health care administration) to become a librarian. Her passion was books and she was hired at our local public library 6 months before her cancer diagnosis. She wasn't able to have the long and rewarding career as a librarian that she envisioned, but she did ultimately realize her goal of serving her community in this capacity - even if it was only for 6 months. And she was so intelligent and so well-versed in so many topics. And on this topic, I can almost hear her now, re
  2. After many months of forced solitude due to COVID, I'm sure most of us have spent a lot more of our time in front of the TV. And though there are countless other activities I try to or should pursue, I suppose this post is just my way of justifying at least some of the time I spend watching TV (which includes steaming media, as well). While I'm inclined to watch sports ahead of anything else, I admit to having a couple other guilty pleasures: travel shows, and those movies or TV shows depicting loss and widowhood. Before listing any specific shows or movies I have watched recent
  3. Here are 3 songs that reveal so much of what my experience with loss has been like. I am so appreciative of this music and for the poignant words that even now, more than 4 years later, evoke emotions only understood once you've lost the person you love most in life. 1. My Beloved Wife - Natalie Merchant 2. Don't, This Way - 77's 3. Goodbye - Plankeye
  4. You are exactly right on every point. Thank you, thank you!! I was really worked up when I posted this last night, and after re-reading my entry in the bright light of day I see now that I was just venting and wasn't thinking clearly. Still, I would have rather these people just be up front with their reasons. These lame excuses do not sit well with me. Again, where is the kindness and compassion? I know my late wife would not stand for this lack of respect towards her husband. I would even offer that they're not only hurting me, but they're dishonoring her memory.
  5. My late wife, Rhonda, was interred in May, 2017, at a cemetery just outside of her home town where we were married in 1997. It is extremely important to me to visit the cemetery at least once each year, for so many reasons. For one, Rhonda's cremation plot is alongside her mother's — a woman I never met as she had passed away 13 months before we met, when Rhonda was just 25 and her mother 60. As it would happen, I had made numerous visits to this cemetery with my wife over our 23 years together, as I would accompany her there every time we visited her home town. I have to say, as an aside,
  6. Hey everyone, I need to speak to a couple of things that have been raised in this thread which I struggle with... In terms of my grief experience, I am now in my "adolescence" as a widower (my wife passed away at the age of 49 in December, 2016, after 19 years of marriage and 23 years together). Or at least I should be an "adolescent" by now! I don't really know how or when one becomes a "fully mature" widow/er. Hmm? It's probably not something measured in time, but rather through experiences and life "mile markers". What do you think? Anyway, the hope
  7. As a young(ish) widower, and the only one in my extended circle of friends, acquaintances, and past co-workers to lose his wife before the age of 50, I have always felt (and continue to feel) so alone in my experience. Even now, more than 3 years after Rhonda's passing on December 12th, 2016, I'm still regularly confronted with new and unexpected feelings and emotions, to say nothing of the all-too-frequent moments of self-doubt and uncertainty of whether I have made any meaningful progress toward reconciling her death, and accepting all the resulting changes to my life. To be truthful, I qu
  8. As you may recall from previous posts, my wife Rhonda died in December, 2016, at the age of 49 from an aggressive cervical cancer. Her unexpected loss and the disbelief that accompanied it are the reasons why I first came here - and why I keep coming back. So many stories so similar to mine have helped me feel less alone and more able to carry on in a world I never imagined. Through the hurt and sadness has come a sense of comfort and solidarity that can only be experienced, I've found, with others who have similarly lost the most important person in their life. For me, my wife will foreve
  9. Only recently in all this time since my wife's death in December, 2016, do I feel I'm able to have a less purely emotional and reactionary outlook on many of these same supposed reassurances. In their place, I am finding the ability, or the capacity, to be more receptive and contemplative towards those who, as PaulZ said, "don't get it unless they've been through it". This is not to say I always want to hear what they're telling me. But I chalk it up to ignorance on their part, all the uncomfortable and awkward attempts to "say the right thing". Instead, I try to just accept their concern
  10. I've not posted for a while, but I felt it necessary to add to this thread as I, too, endeavor to find my way in Year 2. My wife died exactly 20 months ago today, and tomorrow (Aug. 13th) would have been her 51st birthday... We did not have children, so I am alone in our home. I've gotten more accustomed in Year 2 to the empty house, and being on my own. What I've found hard to accept now in Year 2 is that many of the people we shared our lives with have moved on. For me, it's no less difficult in Year 2 grieving alone on important days like her birthday. All I wish for is to
  11. I never had been a believer of predestiny or fatalism in general. Or to think that there is a course already marked out for each of us that we are unwittingly intended to follow. Really? Honestly? Well, okay, perhaps - on some level. Maybe those things that happen to me, but not because of me. Maybe... Considering all I've experienced in the time since my wife's cancer diagnosis in April, 2016. and her death just 8 months later, maybe I'm starting to come around. Maybe this was all meant to be after all... In the final six weeks of Rhonda's life, despite knowing
  12. Heather, what you've experienced and endured leading up to and immediately after losing Chad are eerily similar to what I've lived through, although it's been 18 months now since I lost my wife in December, 2016, after battling a rare cervical cancer for only 8 months. Rhonda was just 49 when she passed - we both were. The horrific final weeks/days of our spouse's lives do not define them, though the memories so early after losing them are so raw and unresolved. For weeks I had trouble getting to sleep because I could not get the memories of her time in palliative care out of my mind. It w
  13. Thanks for that, Rudi. I would challenge anyone to listen to "Don't, This Way" and not be moved to tears - it's that powerful, to say nothing of the hauntingly truthful words and despair so passionately expressed in his vocals. On a side note... For a long while I was uncertain whether to share my stories here. Surely no one would find my tales of loss and misery worthy of their time - or so I was convinced. But, as a young(ish) widower, I've learned this is a safe place with so many others facing similar challenges I've often thought could only ever be understood by me.
  14. I met my late wife in 1994 when we were both 26. It was an awkward time of self-realization and discovery, at an age when you haven't lived nearly long enough to know exactly who you are or who you'll become, but long enough to think you do. We fell in love, and married 3 years later, just before we turned 30. As it invariably does, music helped define us in those early days. I recall fondly evenings slow dancing at her apartment to Seal and to The Cranberries, and even to U2 (of the early 90's). It wasn't long after that I introduced my wife to a favorite band I had discovered shortly be
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