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  1. Toosoon2.0

    There are worse things than death

    There but for the grace of god go I. Words absolutely fail. Unimaginable, incomprehensible. Portside, if Andy and I can do anything, please just let us know.
  2. Toosoon2.0

    Memory blanket

    I know lots of people from the old board did this. Check on Pintrest? Try a google search if you're looking for someone to make it for you. I'm pretty sure there are people who do this kind of thing. A friend of mine made my daughter a small quilt; she downloaded pictures of her with her Dad from Facebook and had them printed on squares and she quilted them together. I have never been so touched in my life. Of course, I have hidden it away from my messy, disorganized child so that I can give it to her in a moment when I feel like she really needs it. Anyway, I ramble. You might get some more responses over the next few days from people who have better suggestions or who have done this themselves.
  3. Toosoon2.0

    Life after life

    My husband firmly believed in reincarnation, that people die to live an earthly live again and again, many times over. I am not a believer of any kind and do not believe there's anything after this life. But it gave him great comfort, especially as he was dying (and I will admit, every now and then, I, too find comfort in the possibility that he might have been right and he's around here somewhere in some form as he so vehemently believed and wished for himself). Either way, I think the most important thing is where you find comfort, however you define it; that is what matters most.
  4. Sorry. You're right. I suppose these long threads sometimes get off track. Mea culpa. ❤️
  5. I would not trade my choices for the world but it has been a complicated process to blend our families - or at least make sure everyone is getting what they need. It has taken a level of commitment and patience and investment and willingness to forgive that I do not think a lot of relationships could withstand. Everyone has had to compromise and sacrifice in ways none of us anticipated. I can understand why you might choose not to go down this road. Being a "girlfriend" was definitely more fun and much easier! Lol. We are making it work but it has definitely been and still is work. Lots of hard work. ❤️
  6. Toosoon2.0

    It's been 10 days

    Hi Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad you found the site. In my experience, this is a marathon, not a sprint so take help when it is offered and lean on the people you can count on. This site is a great place to find solidarity among people who understand and who have been there themselves. Much love, Christine
  7. Toosoon2.0

    widda.org website

    I wasn't able to make the link work for some reason (probably that I am old and technologically incompetent). Is there another way I can send a donation? Thanks for the work you do for the site. Christine
  8. FWIW, I was an extreme caregiver with a career and a small child. By the time we accepted that my husband was going to die (as in imminently), I was so exhausted and on auto-pilot and with laser focus on what needed to get done that I think a site like this would have disrupted the fragile equilibrium I'd established for myself over time just to get through it. I think I found the former iteration of this site at about 2-3 months after Scott died when I was in a panic about some parenting decision I had to make on my own - by then I was ready for it and needed it. I think Tybec's recommendation of a support group for now is a good one - we went to a brain cancer support group for a few years and while all it did was traumatize me further, I think it helped my husband and it did - at least temporarily - take some of the pressure off of me and give him a kind of support that in some ways I could not. Wishing you all all the best. I'm sorry your sister and your family is going through this.
  9. Toosoon2.0

    Emotions always so close to the edge...

    FWIW, I have been a wreck lately. No clue what has gotten into me but I hear you and I get it. Big hugs.
  10. Hi, everyone. I just wanted to weigh in on blending families. We've been together for nearly 5 years (both widowed) and the "blending" is very much a work in progress, even with adult children. I've not handled it as gracefully as I wish I had but I keep working at it and I also know it is a three way street in our case and no one else has handled it much better than I have. It takes a level of patience and commitment that I was not expecting and was not prepared for. It is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Wishing you all the best.
  11. Toosoon2.0

    New Relationships....Post a Pic

    You will get through it together. Same boat. One thing at a time. Lots of love from us. xx
  12. Toosoon2.0

    Michael797 Radio Hell

    I should have checked in on him. I could have done that and didn't and I regret that. To his fiance - if you join us here - you are in my heart. If we can do anything, we are just a message or a phone call or a short drive away. Christine and Andy
  13. Toosoon2.0

    Michael797 Radio Hell

    I knew Michael long before he was widowed. My university built a horrendous building for giant classes where I was mandated to teach. I couldn't deal with the technology and Michael was in charge of IT. He saved my life 1000 times in those giant classrooms. Sometimes we'd smoke cigarettes outside the building and make fun of the "system" together. Then, somehow, many years later we realized we were both widowed and got reacquainted. Then I went to his son's tragic funeral. Then he came to our wedding party and we got stoned together. I loved him. A bright, bright brilliant light has gone out. I wish I had had the chance to say goodbye.
  14. Toosoon2.0

    Hoarding?

    I will admit that I have amassed an obscene (but cool) collection of vintage housewares that I have never and will never use. I need to sell them or somehow otherwise get rid of them. Somehow my hard work at the thrift stores and garage sales has resulted both in our not needing to buy clothes brand new (I am a weird non-consumer person) but also, ironically, a lot of random stuff we don't need. Maybe I need to watch that Netflix show about stuff that doesn't give you joy. I have an insane collection of "state plates." and a wide array of specific crockery for 1970-s food I will never make. WHY? Honestly, who needs this stuff? I believe for me it is nostalgia. Finely crafted things from my childhood or before hold some meaning to me and I think that is ok but it also needs to have a limit. Rambling, sorry.
  15. I didn't mean to diminish in any way what you're going through (I was once in a brief abusive relationship and I know how difficult it is to choose to walk away). All I meant was I think we sometimes demand so much of ourselves or the world demands so much of us that its ok not to have it "together" every now and then. I've been sick for the first time in my life and its been really hard both physically and emotionally and it has slowed me down but life keeps racing on, life doesn't care about my sleep patterns or how my illness limits me. Its hard. So I guess I was just sending a wish of solidarity. Sometimes you have to give yourself a day to just drink tea (or wine) or watch tv or read a book - a day as I say to my husband, that I need to get myself back to the center, to get myself back to a place where I can think clearly (and yes, I am writing this at 4:30 am which is not the center where I can think clearly😊). You've been through a lot - I wish for you only peace. xo


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