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Peony

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  1. Peony

    A widower's doubt

    This just says it all for me. It is everything that I had and everything that I am holding out for again. I have learned throughout my life and in my husband's death that people have very different capacities for love. Some people are naturally set to a high degree, while other people are more basic and surface level. I have always been the deep passionate type. I don't fall easily or haphazardly, but when I do, I give myself completely. For me it has to be true, genuine and sincere, or it just can't be. To settle for a relationship that does not have a deep connection is far more painful for me than just being alone. I know that I could love someone else just as much as I loved my husband. My relationship with him is completely separate from my ability to love. The question for me really is, will I be able to find someone that I am that compatible with again? It does help to know how others have dealt with this, so I appreciate this post and hearing of everyone's unique experiences.
  2. Peony

    For those further along (5+years)

    I could tell from early on that I would need a significant amount of time. I needed the time to be alone and be there for my kids. My heart was nowhere close to being free enough to give to someone else. It took me a full 7+ years before I was actually ready to date. I have been back in the dating pool for a little while now and I have found it to be frustrating and difficult. I find the prospect of marketing myself quite disturbing as well. But I realize that the world and dating are very different these days. It was just so effortless back in high school when I met my husband. One thing that does put a smile on my face though is that I kind of picture my husband laughing about it all. As if he were saying, "Man, some of these guys make me look like a saint!"
  3. Peony

    The second year seems harder.

    It has often been said that the second year is the hardest. Subjective, I know. But generally speaking, it is the point that time starts taking its toll. Truthfully, I have no advice or wisdom. I just wanted to say that I hear you. I have been in quite an emotional rut myself lately and your words really hit home. I think your line of, "Now I am faced with the desolation of looking forward to a future that stretches out day after day, year after year without her" pretty much sums up my thought process today. As well as the last couple of weeks. It's almost as if every so often I have to re-acclimate myself to the true length and magnitude of this process. Amazingly, I still find it just as shocking, sad and awe inspiring as the time before. No matter how many years go by, there are still days that take me down. I completely understand also the crying at inopportune times. I had one of those just this past weekend at church. Something just hit me at the end and I just couldn't make it out before the tears started to fall. Congratulations on moving though. That is a big accomplishment and understandable that it is stirring up a lot of emotion. I wish for you a peaceful week ahead!
  4. Peony

    Six year ramble

    Doesn't this just say it all! So much to reconcile there. Even now. {{{Hugs}}} Bunny! Your post really touched me. Oh, how the anniversary can wreak havoc on the heart & mind! I identified with so much of what you said. From the sitting in the chair staring off into space to the impenetrable wall. I'm so glad though that you were able to see him again and hear him talk about you. After all this time, what a special & unexpected gift! Peace and hugs!
  5. Hi Mike! This is the line that jumped out to me. A red flag, maybe? I can understand her feelings, but it's a complex and sensitive issue to say the least. I have not had to deal with this yet, but I perceive it being an issue for me in the future as well. My name is on the headstone and it has always been my intention to be buried next to DH. However, if I remarry I don't know how I will feel. I wouldn't want to hurt a future husband's feelings or disrespect that union in any way either. I agree with Trying & Mizpah that my children's feelings will have to be taken into account, as they will be the one's visiting the grave. At a later date I even had our children's names put on the back of the headstone. So for me, it really is a family affair. I do sympathize with your situation and I can see how it could take on a bigger meaning than originally intended. As it seems that your fiance' is interpreting your choice as validation of your 'true' feelings. Even though we all know that there is no comparison, she is feeling insecure about it. I wish you the best and I hope that the matter resolves itself peacefully for both of you!
  6. Peony

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Too funny Love2fish! Thank you for the laugh, I needed that today! Thanks for at least considering me!!
  7. Peony

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Oh man! Love2fish, those are all of my finest qualities!
  8. Peony

    OT Prayers please

    Our hearts and prayers are with you! 💜💜💜
  9. Peony

    You Spelled Out The Words For Me

    So true!
  10. Peony

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Oh my goodness Leadfeather, that totally made me laugh! I'm glad to see that you have not lost your sense of humor!
  11. Peony

    OT Prayers please

    I am so sorry Lmsmdm! You are all most definitely in my prayers.
  12. I honestly don't think so. I think it's just one of the many ways we have become forever altered by our experience.
  13. Peony

    Moments

    rifatheroffour, Your post made me smile! Those are always wonderful moments!
  14. Peony

    Moments

    Hi sudnlysngl, I'm glad you were able to spend that time with your daughter today. I hope she had a wonderful birthday!
  15. This is why a home is never just a house. Our home is a real, tangible location that has given witness to all of our memories & experiences. It holds a place in time as well as a place in our heart. The stone wall, the tree trunk, the bulbs & the river, they all have irreplaceable meaning and value. I understand completely everything you said and the doubt & apprehension that you feel. Your concern for DD as well as the fact that it represents another lost connection to DH. However, your reasons for moving are also valid. Long commute, maintenance, worry, isolation and loneliness. I don't think that you made the decision too emotionally at all. I would venture to say that you agonized over it for a painfully long amount of time. Probably loosing many nights of sleep pondering over all of the possibilities. You admit that it was the rational decision and it was most certainly the harder of the two choices. That's usually how you know it was the right one. I have moved once out of necessity and once out of choice. The moving process was difficult & emotionally taxing, but I have no regrets. I am happy where I am now. Sometimes you just inherently know when it's time to move on. I think you should be extremely proud of yourself and look forward to that new chapter. You made a wise choice for you and DD and you are providing her with a wonderful example of fortitude!

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