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Peony

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  1. Peony

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Oh my goodness Leadfeather, that totally made me laugh! I'm glad to see that you have not lost your sense of humor!
  2. Peony

    OT Prayers please

    I am so sorry Lmsmdm! You are all most definitely in my prayers.
  3. I honestly don't think so. I think it's just one of the many ways we have become forever altered by our experience.
  4. Peony

    Moments

    rifatheroffour, Your post made me smile! Those are always wonderful moments!
  5. Peony

    Moments

    Hi sudnlysngl, I'm glad you were able to spend that time with your daughter today. I hope she had a wonderful birthday!
  6. This is why a home is never just a house. Our home is a real, tangible location that has given witness to all of our memories & experiences. It holds a place in time as well as a place in our heart. The stone wall, the tree trunk, the bulbs & the river, they all have irreplaceable meaning and value. I understand completely everything you said and the doubt & apprehension that you feel. Your concern for DD as well as the fact that it represents another lost connection to DH. However, your reasons for moving are also valid. Long commute, maintenance, worry, isolation and loneliness. I don't think that you made the decision too emotionally at all. I would venture to say that you agonized over it for a painfully long amount of time. Probably loosing many nights of sleep pondering over all of the possibilities. You admit that it was the rational decision and it was most certainly the harder of the two choices. That's usually how you know it was the right one. I have moved once out of necessity and once out of choice. The moving process was difficult & emotionally taxing, but I have no regrets. I am happy where I am now. Sometimes you just inherently know when it's time to move on. I think you should be extremely proud of yourself and look forward to that new chapter. You made a wise choice for you and DD and you are providing her with a wonderful example of fortitude!
  7. Peony

    Moments

    This past weekend we had guests over. Friends and family were going between the house and the back patio. As I was talking to someone I looked up at the back door and my son was walking in from the patio. For that split second, all I seen was his father. He had a ball cap on & sunglasses and he looked exactly like DH. When my son was old enough to drive he wanted to buy a truck just like the one his dad used to have. I felt fortunate to find one that was identical to DH's. Of course, I didn't realize that seeing my son in the truck would cause an emotional reaction. Every time he came & went it sincerely felt like I had just seen DH. I would love to hear about other similar experiences anyone has had with seeing your spouse in your children. It always makes me smile when it happens, even though it doesn't happen all of the time. When it does happen, it takes my breath away. Even if just for a brief moment.
  8. Peony

    Another rambling post...

    Hi Maureen, This just warms my heart to read this. What an awesome tribute to John!
  9. Peony

    Are you still stunned?

    This is true for me as well. I do sincerely still miss DH & I still miss absolutely everything about being married. I can certainly make it on my own, but it goes completely against my human nature.
  10. Peony

    Is it Mother's Day yet?

    Hi Abitlost! Happy early Mother's Day!! 10 years is an incredibly long time to shoulder this alone. Your decade of unspoken sacrifice & dedication is tremendous, but very much appreciated! I remember hearing once that if parenting is easy, then you're doing it wrong! See how awesome you are! Peony
  11. Garrett's 1st Letter to Catherine - "Message In a Bottle" Dear Catherine, I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in so long. I feel I’ve been lost…no bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess. I’ve never been lost before. You were my true North. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake’s been made… And I’m waiting for God to take it back. But I’m doing better now. The work helps. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that smile… That always held me like a lover… rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream…is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling….and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I’m writing to tell you that I’m on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I’m sorry about so many things. I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of you… So you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to find the words…to tell you what I was feeling. I’m sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now. I’m sorry I ever fought with you. I’m sorry I didn’t apologize more. I was too proud. I’m sorry I didn’t bring you more compliments…on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I’m sorry I didn’t hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn’t pull you away. All my love, G The last line is an obvious favorite. But I also love how he goes from talking about his feelings to fixing the screen door in the very next line. Because isn't that just exactly how the wid brain works!
  12. Hi Lindsay, I know that saying sorry is so completely inadequate, but I am so very sorry! I wish I could give you a real hug. I was 37 when my DH died suddenly and I was left with 3 young children to raise so I completely relate to that part. However, I cannot even fathom how difficult it would be with a 2 year old and a baby on the way. As Portside said, just make it through today. Then tomorrow do it again. Don't look too far ahead right now. You will find that sometimes it's really even just about getting from minute to minute. Keep posting if you can. Even in the darkest hours, there is always someone here that will listen and be able to understand. Peace, hugs & my deepest sympathy!
  13. Peony

    1000 Days

    Hi RyanAmysMom, I just wanted to echo that sigh! This breaks my heart in such a familiar way. And yet, it's so beautiful all at the same time. What a powerful testimony to your love! Peace & Hugs!!!
  14. The differences go far beyond just the issue of shared pain. I got this a lot from my own sister who had been divorced. She made all of the usual comparisons, "I know just how you feel", Death is better than divorce" etc. In fact, it brought out a real bitter/ugly side to her personality because she felt like I received more sympathy than she did. I never took the bait or said anything because I felt it pointless to do so. To me they are just two completely different situations. End of story. Fast forward a couple of years... You will be happy to hear that she is now happily remarried to her husband! God Bless the opportunity of reconciliation! Me, well... ((( crickets ))) Yep, still not the same!

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