Steph

So Bob passed on March 11, 2018. I just found out the moon phase that day was was waning crescent moon. That moon phase is all about the moon diminishing. The light going away only for a new moon to shine. The end of one cycle and the start of a new beginning (new beginning for him in the spiritual sense). Well played my love!!! I miss you!!

Gem, I am a little over 2 years out too. I am not afraid to die, and actually look forward to being with him again. I have decided that if I get diagnosed with something bad, like he did, I am not going to fight it. I am going to get an RV or just fill up the tank of my car, and see all that I can of this country. I watched what they did to him, which he only allowed to try to stay with me. No thanks. I have a date waiting for me in the clouds. Then, when the time comes, it comes. I know he will be the first one I see when I get there. And I look forward to that.

It has been 819 days. How do you move forward from the unseen and unspoken partner, Precious Pain? I dont want to. There is stability and safety here.

@serpico no their mother does not know. Thank you everybody for your support. DH told me when he was sick to leave it alone, that he didn't want them involved. I guess I just feel badly that they have no idea, but I keep telling myself if they didn't want anything to do with him while he was alive, what would they possibly want now, except anything they think they could get off of his death. I would like to think better of them, but yes, @Bubu27, death does bring out the worst in people. I will stay quiet. There was no money there anyway. Thank you all for your non-judgmental advice/support. I am not sure what I will do if they ever do reach out to him, as I do check his emails...but I will try not to think about it. They made the decision to end their relationship with him, not the other way around. They missed out on the last 10 years of the life of the best man I ever met. Their loss.

What would you do? My DH had 2 children with his previous wife. Their divorce was final in 2008 and shortly thereafter his children stopped all communications between themselves and their father. I believe it was around the time that the former marital home was sold. So there was no communication for about 10 years before his death. The children didn't know he got sick and they do not know that he died. He died March 11, 2018 so it has been over a year now. He had a Will that he had done prior to him becoming sick. In the Will he specifically wrote that he felt he had provided for them enough in life and he left them nothing. The Will was probated and all that. I wrestle with the idea of somehow contacting them and telling them. Part of me believes they should know, although I'm not sure if they would grieve or not... But the other part of me doesn't want the potential legal hassle if they think they are entitled to something. I struggle with this conflict... Oh, his kids are in their mid-20s now, so they are not children.

I am so sorry you had to become part of this club. I am 1 year and 8 months out from the darkest moment in my life, when my husband passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer. I can be in a room full of people and still feel so lonely. Sometimes when I see an older or elderly couple walking and holding hands or just out dining together and having what appears to be a nice time, I either get so angry or want to burst into tears. Why did they get to spend their lives with their loved one but yet my husband and I were cheated out of doing the same? What did we do to deserve this?? I think everyone on this board knows the anger and emptiness you are feeling. It is just not fair!!!!!! I am sorry that I don't have any wise advice for you...I am still stumbling through each day too. But as StillWidowed said, we all, unfortunately, understand.

Hugs to you Maureen...

Thank you guys for your responses. It does help to know that that this hollow, purposeless feeling is "normal" and other grieving spouses feel the same way sometimes. ...I hate the new normal...

On Friday it will be 19 months since my love took his last breath. I know he is with me, he gives me signs all the time. Recently I went with friends to the beach that my husband and I went to all the time. My friends and I went to celebrate my wedding anniversary. There were monarch butterflies everywhere. This past weekend I asked him to give me a sign...I asked him to make a broken clock on my wall start ticking again. The next day it was ticking. I know he is still with me but I miss the hell out of him. It feels like life is just slowly moving forward with all the mundane things you have to do - go to work, come home, take care of the animals, stay up way to late, get up and do it all again. I guess I really don't have a point here...other than so far it hasn't gotten "better" and I don't think it ever will get "better". I feel like I will spend the rest of my life trudging through life almost zombie-like until I take my last breath and can be with him again. I always thought time could heal all wounds, but this one it can't. Anyway, just venting I guess. Blah day I guess...

I saw this and love it. It is so true.

You are not crazy!!! I talk to my DH all the time and he talks right back. I know that it is him because he cracks me up all the time with the things he says, just like he used to do. Responses I would never come up with. Although, as crazy as the next thing I tell you sounds, I believe it to be absolute truth. Shortly after he died, I was laying in bed one night watching TV and I could really feel his presence in the room. I started talking to him and I said- "Baby, I still have a body, I know you don't, so why don't you jump in here with me. We can share mine." I sort of opened myself up to him and I felt a rush of energy. He has been with me since. I hear him clear as day whenever I talk to him. So no, you aren't crazy...I might be, but you aren't!! We have an agreement that when my time comes, we will go wherever we have to go together. And another thing - after he died, when everyone was asking about when the funeral was and services, I told everyone that he "loved a party, not a funeral, so we will have a party when I am ready." I told everyone that!! Fast forward about a year later. I talked to a medium. She said "He loved to party." Then she said "no, no wait...I love a party not a funeral." That is what I told everyone AFTER HE PASSED! We never discussed that before because I never believed he would actually die on me. There is no way the medium could have come up with that statement! THAT WAS HIM TELLING ME THAT HE IS STILL HERE AND HE CAN HEAR WHAT I SAY. So I know that he is still here and isn't going anywhere until we go together.

A woman I know, probably in her mis 80s, lost her husband of all her adult years on July 3rd. I didn't know about until I read it tonight on Facebook. As I was reading through all the comments, one woman wrote: I am sorry for your loss, it must be tough. It must be tough?!?!?!?!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me???? It must be tough???? I wanted to cyber slap her, but since you can't, I am ranting here. Sorry for my rant. I feel better now...

It was in the town common as I was driving by. I saw all the bridesmaids dressed in lilac matching dresses and the groomsmen in suits. I saw the bride laugh and push her train down from the breeze while holding her groom's hand. I burst into tears.

I am sorry. The pain of losing my one true love is razor sharp as it has only been 3 months. But reading your post brought me back to that horrible day in the hospital when his breathing just stopped. I don't know if anything gets better over time. I just wanted to say I am sorry.

Heather, you are not alone. I am 3 months out and dont know how i am going to move forward without the love of my life. I also wear his wedding band. This just all sucks, the pain is inconceivable, but the world thinks we should be feeling better by now. I don't think I will ever get over losing him, he was my everything. Private message me if you ever need to talk to someone in the same place as you at the same time.

Jessm1, I am so sorry you are in the same black, lonely and sad place that I am. I was actually asked today if I was dating yet. WHAT????? I can barely breathe some days and I cry at the drop of a hat if my mind is not occupied. I am losing the home we built together, everything is still falling apart in my world. My patience for stupid people is nonexistent at this point, but i know that they just have never known real grief, they are the lucky ones. Please know that i am where you are right now, and if there is a way to private message on this site, please feel free to message me. We might be able to lean on each other since we are in the same awful place, surrounded by blissful ignorance.

Thank you all for understanding. It wasn't supposed to be like this! We were supposed to grow old together. I am just so sad, and it doesn't seem to get any easier.

Today is the 3 month "anniversary " of the saddest day of my life. Why do people keep giving me advice when they have never been kicked in the gut like this? They know nothing about this. I understand they are just trying to help, but stop it! I know anything you say comes from ignorance and you have never felt this crazy shit, so just stop!!!

I know I already posted this pic, but it really is my favorite of us.

Purging sucks. I have to do it now and it isn't ending with one box. I am surrounded by him here and I love that!!!! I come upon an item and burst into tears. Yes, I have become a puddle. This is completely unfair and sad.

Thank you Hikermom. I feel so alone right now!!

Here is our wedding photo. Yes, we were target shooters. We loved to do that together. We did everything together. I will never love anyone like I loved him - completely.

Thank you Wheelerswife and Abitlost. Losing someone so close makes all those other "hard times" that I have had look like a walk in the park. This is like someone keeps hitting me in the stomach and chest with a baseball bat. Thank you for your comments. Nothing helps, but it is some comfort knowing I am not alone in this awful place.

This thread is helpful. My DH passed on March 11, 2018. I can neither afford nor maintain our home alone. I could sit there until the money is all gone and the bank forecloses, but the house is the one and only card I have to play, so I have to play it while I'm a little ahead of the game. So the house is going on the market hopefully beginning of June. I plan on taking chunks of flowers from his gardens and starting a garden in his honor where ever it is that I land. I am so sad about having to leave the home we built together, but there are no other options. It is all an emotional roller coaster, but I am right there with you in the front seat!!! I am sorry for the both of us, and for everyone that is going through this horribly dark time and those that have already been there...

Thank you Leadfeather. Nobody is more sorry than me. :(