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  1. Sillyjerkycat

    The Surreal Effect

    Thank you everyone...this helps me to figure out how to get through the maze. I am a very organized person who needs know how things work for others so I can figure out my own path forward. Every time I post, you all come to help and it is invaluable. Take care my friends... SJC (otherwise known as Cindy)-Silly Jerky Cat was our special name for each other, I think it came from a cartoon in the '60's, I don't know. He started it when we met.
  2. Sillyjerkycat

    The Surreal Effect

    I'm so consumed with my own loss, I didn't know that you lost someone again. I just reread your post and I'm so very sorry. It's all awful...
  3. Sillyjerkycat

    The Surreal Effect

    What is the SJC bell curve? I studied Psychology, but I don't recall this.
  4. Merriam Webster: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream...well that's the definition of the word surreal. But, it doesn't explain why my brain can't come to terms with him being gone. It's been 7 months yesterday and I still (irrationally) expect to hear his voice or see him (even in my dreams). When does this stop? I know he's left, because I was with him everyday, for two months, while his life failed before my eyes. Tell me your experience, I find it helpful to learn from other people who may have gone through this and that it is normal and how to get through. Thank you.
  5. Sillyjerkycat

    A widow’s TED talk about moving forward

    Thank you...it was helpful 🙂
  6. Sillyjerkycat

    Stuck Again

    @Melissa brown campwidow.org Look it up. It seems very helpful for survivors of all ages.
  7. Sillyjerkycat

    Stuck Again

    Thanks @beanless. The cooking thing, I know. I made dinner every night and now thank God for the frozen food section. It's gross, but it's food. I'm looking at the Tampa one in 2020. You're right, maybe if I just schedule one appointment a month I'll get through the list of things I have to do slowly. I'm just glad to feel validated about the stuck thing.
  8. Sillyjerkycat

    Stuck Again

    I need help. I was very active with cleaning out the "junk" since FD left us (by junk I mean, he never met a tool or a an interesting thing that he didn't have to have) and then I got stuck. By stuck, I mean that I have several things that I have to do to take care of my own health (i.e. dentist, annual doctor appointment, dermatologist, mammogram, etc.). How did you all get unstuck? Also, I was researching online about various widow things and I came across Camp Widow. Have any of you attended? If so, how was it for you? Thanks. Sillyjerkycat
  9. Sillyjerkycat

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    @Powbesh: Grief sucks. I lost my husband 2 ½ months ago after a 2 month ordeal with his brain injury. Shower when you can and be kind to yourself. Make sure you eat real food. Eating is getting better for me. I couldn’t eat for about 3 ½ months. The people on this site are super helpful and will support you. We’re all going through it, but everyone’s journey is different. Hugs to you…hang in there.
  10. @Jennifer, I read your link and it was super helpful. I have felt almost all of those things since my husband passed in November of this year. I’ve been feeling guilty that I’m trying to move into a new phase of my life and not be mired in the grief that I went through initially. Eating is still a mess, I have no idea how to cook for myself because I cooked for “us” and never had leftovers for days like I do now. I’m trying to get back to me, whoever that me is now. Thanks for letting me off the hook with my sort of grief an allowing me to figure out who I am now and still take care of his memory for our life together. All the best for 2019. Sillyjerkycat
  11. Sillyjerkycat

    My own experience...

    Sorry @Darren77, can't see your link for your Anna. Maybe you could share your experience with us. I find talking about it with with people who have actually been through it can be very cathartic and helps all of us realize that we're not alone while all the other people around us just don't get it. Thanks for posting and I wish you peace for the new year.
  12. Hello. I’m new to this site and I found it when I realized that this was my new world. I’m so glad that it’s here for us. It has had a profound effect on me and I realized that I’m not alone. I’m a 51 widow and my husband was 53 when he unexpectedly had a cardiac arrest out of nowhere. I have a cousin, that is a nurse, and she told me that anyone can have a cardiac arrest, for a multiple of reasons out of nowhere, and the hospital never figured out why. Yes, he had heart problems, but they were well managed. And then on September 10th it happened. He had a “brain injury” which really translates to brain damage. So for the next three months I was with him every day. The first months I had hope that I could help him come home and live some sort of life, but then it became apparent that after 22 year marriage it was over. He told me in one of his lucid moments “I’m one of the crazy people and I don’t want of one of the crazy people” and I understood that meant he did not want to live this way. At that point he was always crying or raging at the brain rehab. The hospital reached out to me and explained that he would always be this way forever, so the kindest thing I could do was put into the hospice. It was awful watching your love die just a little bit more every day. I just want you to know grief is different for all of us, but after watching my husband transition from normal guy to the mess that it ended up to be, I’m glad he’s free. While I grieve, it’s different every day. It gets a little be less painful. I know he’s happy and has moved on to a better place. He shows up with silly things in the house to let me know he’s there. They never leave you.
  13. Sillyjerkycat

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I also wanted to let @Leadfeatherknow that I enjoyed your story and I wish you the best.
  14. Sillyjerkycat

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Hello. I am brand new to this site. I found it about a month ago when I put my husband in hospice and I realized that this was now my new normal. I found some posts helpful, especially about eating…eating is still hard. My husband passed a little over a month ago. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Christmas was always his thing…tree, outside decorations, cards, holiday parties, and the music. I read some different threads on the forum, but the one that gave me hope (and a lot of laughs and cries) was the one about online dating. Nope, not even interested in anyone new for the foreseeable future, but reading your posts gives me hope that maybe someday… But what I really wanted to tell all of you on this thread, is that you gave me hope that there is life after losing the love of your life. After reading your posts, I realized I’m not alone. I went to a grief counselor the other day and she offered some advice, but mostly just listened and it didn’t help that she was young and pregnant and just beginning her journey into marriage and family. So I just wanted to say thanks for giving me hope that someday I might find someone, or not and that’s okay, to complete my journey, but it was fun just being with people that faced the same challenge that I just embarking on. I wish you all peace for the New Year. Cindy

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