MadPage

Roch82 Continue rambling. Definitely continue rambling on this board. Get everything you want to share out in the open. If you need to repeat it over and over again. If you need to repeat it over and over again. If you need to repeat it over and over again. Then do so. Keeping in bad feelings is like keeping in yellow phlegm. Both of them make you sick until you release them from your body.

It is with sorrow that I read your post. Lean on the kids as much as they allow. You will know when it is to much by the hesitation in their response. Your new normal will not be found for some time from now. There is no need to look for it. You will know it when you feel it. And it will change just as it use to. Slowly. As far as getting better, that depends on your definition of better. It does become easier to live with. You will have some days of true happiness down the road. My best explanation to the healing process......it becomes different. Some advise about the meds (i am not a doctor. I am one that has used meds for your issues). Being medicated is not always a good answer. Being properly medicated is a great tool to utilize. The first prescription they give you may not be the best one for you. If after taking something for a week you feel out of control. Talk to your doctor and explain the issues you are having with the drug. You may find that the dose is to high or to low. That your body doesn’t react well to the drug. Ect..... I would also recommend you discuss a sleeping pill to put you to sleep. Anxiety and depression drugs are useful. But if you are taking enough to put you to sleep. You are basically taking to much and getting high. I hope this helps some. These are my opinions from dealing with some of the things you posted about and other legs of my journey with grief.

Only parenting is one of the loneliest thing I have experienced after Gail's passing. 5 of our 6 kids were 18+ yet only one was living out of the house when she passed. The minor was 14. Gail was suppose to deal with her while I quietly helped in the background (at least that was my plan) with buying dresses for dances, help finding a GYN, dealing with her first love first heartbreak.... In the beginning I was asking for advice. Then I realized that no one knew her like I did, no one shared my parenting ideas. Finally I just went upstairs to my room. I might cry, I might laugh and more often than not I would just say "you are suppose to help me with this Gail". After one or all of these emotions ran through me I always came to the same conclusion. I had to make my decisions on how to deal with it and do it. Good, bad or ugly. It was just the two of us. Now that she has moved out I find that she is the only one that I "miss". They all stop by, I enjoy every minute I have with all of them. I love them all equally. I don't understand and can not express why. I just miss her and have no one to discuss it with.

My 14 year old daughter (Chick) was resistant to counseling. I asked her to try going with me so I could better understand how I could help her. We went together for a month or so. When she got comfortable with us going the therapist asked her if she would visit him individually. It was reiterated to her that what ever was said in "this" room stayed in this room. That he would not share with me anything that they talked about. But that she could share any part of it that she wanted to share with me. She agreed and I sat out in the waiting room. The therapist would ask her "would you like dad to talk with us?" Now that she had control she wanted her time. When she got her drivers license she would drive herself. I remember when she would get in a mood to piss off dad she would say things like. I don't know why you waste your money sending me to talk to David. All we talk about are dresses. I wish you luck. After raising six teenagers, the only advice I can give you.... one day you can quietly giggle at them when it is their turn.

Fuck this is my first post on this new to me board Fuck that I needed to find a place that would understand my need to share after seven years Fuck that I still have a lonely hole in my heart I am FUCKing glad that I have a place to rant, that excepts that.... yes...... I want to talk about Gail