Worried and frustrated

[Fuchsia]

I have 3 kids.  One of my own with Rob, she's 7.  The other two are his so my step kids.  They are 18 and 21 and no longer live with me.

 

I am having the hardest time coping with parenting right now.  It's been 9 weeks now and I'm just so tired.  All I want to do is curl up into myself and deal with all thsee emotions.  But I can't. I'm needed as a mom.  And I feel like it's driving me crazy!  If I have a sad moment and just need to take 10 minutes I get 4.  Just enough time to settle into my brain before dd7 needs something.  I can't even read cause I find my place and she's right there needing me.  Yet if I'm doing things around the house she doesn't need me half the time! Only when I need me time.  I'm so frustrated. 

 

I feel like I'm on edge all the time. I'm mot meant to be a single mom.  That wasn't the deal. Rob was our balance.  He stepped in when we got too frustrated with each other.  Now it's just me and dd and we don't have that balancer.  We clash so much.  In part cause we're both grieving hard. In part cause she's 7.  We're trying to figure out how to be together like this and it's hard.  It's remaking our family! 

 

Yet the people around me don't understand.  They see me getting frustrated but not the lead up.  They don't see dd acting out her greif on me.  She can be really rough on me. Its hard and it hurts.  But I take it cause I know why she's acting out.  I am trying to be so patient!  But it's hard.  And then my family and friends express concern for her because they think I'm being too frustrated around her.  They are so worried about her.  But they don't see me.  They don't see how hard this is.  They think I should just not get frustrated by it and just cope.  How the hell am I supposed to so that? I am her punching bag verbally and emotionally and it gets hard to take.  But apparently I'm not supposed to react.  I'm starting to get worried that I'm going to mess up my poor dd more than she already is. But the people who are saying these things aren't even parents!  Maybe they just don't understand. 

 

I just want Rob back.  I need my dd to have her daddy. 

 

 

 

[Sugarbell]

I am really sorry and I feel/empathize with your pain. Added bonus of the holidays and it's enough to send anyone In your situation over the edge. You get a pass on irritability-hell it comes with the territory of grief and parenting solo. I think we are forced to compartmentalized our grief to an extent for the kids sakes...and it's damn hard! I used to almost be programmed to not cry/lose it till they went to bed. And then like clockwork would cry for hours. And the mental/emotional exhaustion..

 

Don't be so hard on yourself ...this is the first holiday and it stings ...the first one really stings. And yes most of the outside world won't get it..we get it...this board literally saved me my first year because I was a train wreck of emotions (I had 3 kids under age 5)

 

Vent away...

[Lisa]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Perhaps these concerned people would like to play with your DD and give her attention while you nap. Otherwise they are doing you no good what so ever.

I was never one to be afraid to ask for help. That served we well I'm the early days. What about your stepkids? Do they take her out and spend time with her? Try not to beat yourself up. You are doing the best you can

There is no easy way.

If your DD continues to act out and you are concerned, there are grief groups that run for children while another runs for their parent.

I think I would act out too. It makes sense.

Wishing I could grant you a long nap and some extra patience when needed.

Hugs

[Fuchsia]

I don't blame her at all for acting put.  I am too in my own way. All of us who are missing Rob are.  My step kids do things with her but not enough. They are kinda wrapped up in themselves and their own greif a lot of the time.

[blue]

Fuchsia, I wish I had more words of encouragement to give you. All I can say is yes, this IS SO HARD.

 

I'm where you are too, but more months out (ten). Very very few people understand.

 

However, I think our kids are resilient. I think they will be ok. You're doing your best and you are not harming her. She will be ok!