I'm so over the guilt trips

[still_lost]

So I'm sure many of you at some point have been guilted into something by children, friends, relatives etc. I feel like I didn't get the support that I needed from friends and family in the past seven years, but I've figured things out for myself and done the best that I could. I feel like they asked for more favors after my husband died, thinking that I came into money, which was clearly not the case. So these guilt trips are usually given by my sister, who acts like the world is ending when she doesn't get her way. Today, I can proudly say that I didn't let her guilt me into something that I couldn't do, and I didn't offer a bunch of excuses, hoping that she would understand. I've catered to her feelings a lot in the past, but she's a grown woman and should be able to handle "no" when I cannot do certain things.

 

Briefly: We live about 900 miles away from each other. My niece is turning one soon, and of course I wanted to be at her first bday party. However, finances have caused me to have to wait a week to purchase the plane tickets. I really didn't want to miss her party, but I will see her 6 days later, so it's not a big deal. She rented a hall, all of the family is coming, and I'm still paying for the custom cake that a friend is making because I honor my agreements. So I let her know today that I would be there after the party, and all she could sarcastically say was "ok." She then rushed me off the phone in a huff because she was frustrated. I hung up and left it at that. I'm not doing this again. She's in her 30s and old enough to understand that things don't always go as planned. Honestly, $600 for tix, car rental, and hotel is a lot right after Christmas, especially since I have taxes to pay in a few weeks. I made a way, and still it isn't good enough. I'm done with the guilt trips, though. I'm proud of myself for that. Add to that, my son has had 3 birthdays here that she hasn't flown down for, which is no big deal. That doesn't mean she loves him any less.

[cathyr]

Good for you to not let your sister guilt you.  Does she really still believe you are rolling in the money?  You are doing what it right for you and hopefully she will be over her pouting when you arrive. 

[klim]

wow.....There'd be no guilting me into a $600 ticket to a one year olds party!!!

I'd be saying Happy birthday by phone.....It's not like they'll remember.

 

Good for you for doing what you can but being at peace with your decision regardless of how your sister acts.

[Julester3]

Family guilt, I am familiar with it. Good for you for sticking to your guns!

[still_lost]

I'm just proud that I could finally get to this point. I have always tiptoed around her feelings, and gave in whenever she would whine or lay on the guilt trip. She's too grown for that, and I already have a child of my own. I feel like our relationship as sisters could be better if she would just grow up.

[arneal]

Good for you, still_lost! Family is sometimes the worst when it comes to this stuff. And the idea that all widows/widowers come into money is the stuff old movies are made of.