Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

Sign in to follow this  
Nurse mel

My story and some helpful hints that I have learned along the way

Recommended Posts

I am almost 3 months out from losing the love of my life and still are devastated beyond words that are all hidden by a smile. We were almost 13 years together and almost 10 years of marriage. Through those years, my husband would often say to me that wherever we where together,  he was home because i was there. He was my best friend,  my husband, my protector and my home. I am beyond devastated and had to have learned to be an adult all at the same time. We had one bank account, thankfully. My husband took care of all of the bills, the shopping,  the mail, the cooking, most of the cleaning and laundry.  My journey has been far from easy since within 24 hours of burying my husband, I had my father's wife make a truly inappropriate and selfish comment at the celebration of life the same day of the funeral (which to be honest, I did not handle with style or grace. There was yelling and some swearing on my part because I had enough). I had my only sister boss me around, talk down to me and judgment me. To top it all off, I had my only brother come into my bedroom at 530 in the morning, where my husband died after having a seizure with me performing cpr with no success less than a week prior. This man yelled at me so loud that it put me into a PTSD moment where i couldn't move and proceeded to judge me because all I could say while staring at my husband's body was "I loved him for thirteen year." He continued to yell at me for being financially irresponsible (he brought up some personal things and not in the best of language) even though that my husband took care of the bills and yelled at me for "being a bad mother and poor role model" because I asked my 22 year old son who was financially struggling to move back in. All of this yelling was done in front of my son who just buried the only father that he has ever known all in my home that I own.

Now for what I have learned. 

The things that I have learned in my journey from my husband's death and the pain that my family has caused is to "breathe, breathe, just breathe",  not to expect anything from anyone because you will probably be let down and you will be happy for the people that are truly there to help pick up the pieces, my emotions and feelings are valid, being assertive in life is a good thing, and everyone is morning a memory of my husband and what could have been. This last one took me a while because I was so angry with other people's grief especially if they weren't around. But, even I am mourning a memory of my husband whether it was the moment that I saw the light go out of his eyes or the memory of the first smile that lit up a room. We are all mourning a memory and it's okay to grieve. I hope that my story of my journey has helped with letting people know that with true love and support, we can all get through this because this is far from easy. Good luck and lots of love through your journey. 

Edited by Nurse mel

Share this post


Link to post
8 hours ago, Nurse mel said:

 

Now for what I have learned. 

The things that I have learned in my journey from my husband's death and the pain that my family has caused is to "breathe, breathe, just breathe",  not to expect anything from anyone because you will probably be let down and you will be happy for the people that are truly there to help pick up the pieces, my emotions and feelings are valid, being assertive in life is a good thing, and everyone is morning a memory of my husband and what could have been. This last one took me a while because I was so angry with other people's grief especially if they weren't around. But, even I am mourning a memory of my husband whether it was the moment that I saw the light go out of his eyes or the memory of the first smile that lit up a room. We are all mourning a memory and it's okay to grieve. I hope that my story of my journey has helped with letting people know that with true love and support, we can all get through this because this is far from easy. Good luck and lots of love through your journey. 

Sorry you have lost the love of your life Nurse. By your writings you have loved, lived and grown by leaps and bounds with this man you called your husband 😊, what a blessing.

I'm sorry that your family, or mine , or any others think or would ever think that when the day our loved one dies is the day to viscously attack us. Their pain and grief is no excuse to 

do this to us or anyone else, but especially us the wife/husband. The one who is on their knees in so much pain. Your words show so much forgiveness that I would not and have not

been able to extend to those who have done this to me.

My prayers are with you and glad you found this place here with so many who truly get it.

Share this post


Link to post

Hugs. Just hugs

You sound like me. My husband did EVERYTHING. All the shopping , laundry, bills,etc. I worked but at home he spoiled me rotten. But you are ahead of where I was at 3 months. For the first year I actively wanted to be dead. We do survive

Kicking and screaming  sometimes. 

So p sorry for the abuse you were subjected to at your most vulnerable point

Hugs to you

Share this post


Link to post

Hugs to you and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Its amazing what transpires after someone dies/events surrounding their death - there was a fair amount of drama here too. And that's the last thing anyone going through this difficult journey needs. It was the opposite in my household where I did most things including taking care of the financials so it was slightly easier for me - but I was still overwhelmed by trying to single parent and take care of everything (including the "mess" left behind from my husband from his business etc). I feel a lot of anger still (even 7 years on) about everything that transpired but I have also really really tried to refocus my efforts on the positives, and keep those happy memories alive. My husband challenged me to do things I would never normally do (e.g. take 2 years off work and go sailing) and Im thankful for that part of it. Im especially thankful for my loving young son. I hope others in your life are behaving better so you can grieve and not have to deal with the extra drama.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.