Jman182

Thanks for your replies, appreciate it. I think when I wrote that, it was a tough week. I do have good days and wouldn't trade all 5 of my kids for anything. I think the whole "listen but do what you feel is best for you and your family" has been something I've stuck with. Yes, most have good intentions, but dang, it's like if you don't take that opinion and adapt to it, it's because 'You're in a mourning phase and not thinking straight" or "He's a man that'll have to learn the hard way". I think people forget that raising triplets is much different than a single baby... I know from experience. Especially with 1 parent, certain things just aren't feasible. I just feel confident that even though I'm a guy that is still learning and open to ideas, I still know what's best from my kids. My mother has told me "i'll have to hit rock bottom" before I come around and repeatedly criticizes me & heavily disagrees with many things I do. She hasn't been over to my house since. I used a professional nanny service for 3-4 months to help me get sleep early on. But I didn't agree with some of the ways they were doing stuff as it often required 2 of them to do it(feeding/sleeping). Once again, I told them I want them to do things a certain way so when I'm home alone, it works. What applies to 1 kid with 2 parents doesn't always apply to 1 parent with 5 little kids. Owner didn't like it, and a week later they were gone... and it's been me every night since. Then it seems like all of the same people talk(all women BTW) and I just get the feeling they are waiting on me to crash and come back and do things their way...which will never happen. But the kids are proof I feel like i'm doing a great job. 100% as healthy as they can be. I get out with them at least every week. Through all of that, I have found a couple people that I feel I can count on, that I can trust, for help. And of course it's caused more issues with women not liking other women..just a lot of seemingly endless drama for a guy that had always been able to avoid it. Anyways.. I think just finding a new normal has been tough. I was expecting a lot of changes with triplets but never as a single parent. I do have to say there has been many people that have been helpful though. Whether it's somebody at school brushing my girls hair on days I just didn't have the time to in the mornings, or people who've brought over meals from time to time. The support has been great & appreciated from quite a few. I think the efforts on raising kids has helped my mind from wandering off, as it's still tough to think of the loss of my wife. Still lots of things that trigger emotions daily...especially bringing me back to the last day, trying to save her life. Not sure if those triggers will become less and less or what.. but I hate them.

Hello – I’m new to the site. I figured it’s time to start talking about some of the grief I have been experiencing, as I haven’t really talked to anybody yet. I think it’s been one of those things where I haven’t wanted to talk to anybody and want to just man up for my kids and do everything I had to do in a tough situation for them. My wife of (just shy) 10 years passed away from a blood clot 11 months ago, 10 days after giving birth to healthy triplets. Also have a 2 & 6 yr olds at home. Like many of you, my wife was my best friend, we did everything together and had a great marriage. I feel like I haven’t really had a lot of time to grieve. Every hour of everyday is either working or parenting a kid/baby. Besides losing my spouse, I feel that the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with, is other people. I have so many people that I think have good intentions, but at the same time, want to control everything I do. I think that was okay for the 1st month when everything was a shock and I could barely function, but now, it’s really been a huge struggle. I’ve severed relationships with friends and immediate family, and even now, it’s still a constant source of weekly drama of somebody telling me how I should grieve, how I should raise my kids/babies, how I should live my life, etc. Nobody has a clue what’s it like to be in my shoes. It has just been a tough situation to constantly deal with, especially when it’s family members. The result for me has been to ask for less help or no help from them and do everything I can possible do, myself. I work full time, but now watch the kids entirely, outside of my 8-5 job. It’s been a lot more work, but at the same time, less stress than dealing with so many opinions that are constantly fed to me. I’ve made new friends, but once again, it’s been a source of drama in itself. I love where I live and the house that I built with my wife. But at the same time, I feel like maybe I need a change, and to move away from my family and friends and start new. I just don’t know. I would like to think things will get better, and I know in some ways it will. But I hate to always be labeled as the widowed guy living in a small town with 5 little kids. I feel like I really want to move on. I feel like I’ve really stepped up and been a good dad to my kids, even though, I’ve had to learn so many things since my wife was the mother that did it all for them. It’s just confusing for me to know where to go from here. I feel like a machine going through the daily motions sometimes, have lost 35lbs and feel like it’s tough to see a light at the end of the tunnel somedays. Babies are up 6-12 times/night, so the lack of sleep drags on me too. I know I will get through this and have always known that… there’s just a lot I don’t know how to figure out. I’ll always be there for my kids, and that’s definitely the main thing driving me to keep being strong. Hate to sound like I’m complaining. But feels good to express myself in a place where others can relate. Thanks for listening

wrong board, please delete