alice

Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. It is greatly appreciated. I think part of my struggle was that we had my husband's remains interred in a memory garden at his childhood church which is several states away. I've decided to have a memorial stone placed in a local garden so that there is a tangible place for my son and I to commemorate his dad's life when he is older, and I will let him take the lead on whether he wants to do anything on the anniversary of his dad's death.

It's hard to believe it has been nearly a year since my husband took his own life. As the one year anniversary of his death approaches, people have asked what I plan to do that day. I was already scheduled to work so I wasn't planning on doing anything differently. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries have been tough enough this year and I would rather remember Matt on happier occasions rather than the day he ended his life. My son was 5 months old at the time and will have no recollection of his father. While he is still too young to understand, some people have suggested starting a ritual to acknowledge this day in some way, like releasing a balloon, so that he doesn't feel like we are ignoring the fact that his father is no longer here with us. For those of you with young children, is there anything that you do or have done to mark the anniversary of your loved one's death which you have found helpful? Have your children ever said, "I wish we would have done xyz?" Thank you in advance.

Piecesofapart, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time this week. Although I'm sure that the people who post about "suicide prevention" on Facebook are well-meaning, it's definitely dredged up feelings of guilt that I somehow missed a sign or that there was something I could have done to "prevent" my husband's suicide. Nearly 6 months later, I am at a point where I can accept that it was his choice and his choice alone, but reminders like this week aren't helpful for me either. Perhaps for people participating in walks and vigils it is a search for answers in a situation with so many unanswered questions. Peace and love to you and the community of suicide survivors who can find solace with this incredible group of people on this forum.

Thank you all for your kind words. I posted a few days before my birthday and your comments have provided a great deal of comfort. Since Matt died in March, our wedding anniversary has also passed. I know that holidays, birthdays, anniversaries were going to be tough, especially the first year, as they just seem to accentuate the fact he's no longer here. I feel most badly for my father in law. He and my husband got together nearly every weekend, to go to yard sales, watch sports, and have discussions that lasted for hours that my mother in law and I joked were to "try to save the world." He saw a lot of himself in his son, especially both having earned PhD's and prided themselves as extremely logical people. He still feels guilt about not having seen the suicide coming, and is struggling with why Matt didn't pick up the phone and let him know what he was considering. I read from an account of someone dealing with suicidal thoughts, "If I'm rational enough to ask someone to stop me from killing myself, I am probably rational enought not to do so." There will never be clear cut answers, but I believe Matt's suicide was an irrational choice which for whatever reason he felt was the only option. I can only hope that my father in law can also come to a similar conclusion in time and find peace in an Thank you again!

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and for being willing to offer your responses, support, and advice. These posts are an incredible resource. I lost my husband to suicide in March. He was dealing with anxiety exacerbated by perceived stress at work and was struggling with defining his role in society and being a new father. In hindsight, he was likely hiding a deep depression from everyone, including himself. His death and suicide came without warning; he had never once mentioned any thoughts of suicide. We were longstanding friends since high school and had been happily married for 4 years. Both of us were established in our careers, we had just purchased our "forever" home and welcomed our first child in October. I suspected something was off when I received a call from daycare several minutes before close that no one had picked up our five month old son. He had dropped our son off at daycare that morning and was supposed to have picked him up that evening. I was the one who found the body; he had died from a self-inflicted GSW. It is not any easier, but it helps to know that other SOS have confronted similar situations and asked themselves the same questions. Such as when I invariably get asked, "So what kind of work does your husband do?" Oftentimes it's easier to answer as if he is still alive, because informing the person that my husband has died leads to uncomfortable silence, mumbled words of empathy, looks of pity, and wanting to know what happened. Being encouraged by well-meaning friends to participate in suicide prevention activities/awaremenss when I have my doubts on whether it would have really prevented my husband's suicide which by all accounts was an unplanned and impulsive act. He was going to counseling, utilizing coping mechanisms, started taking medication...not sure what else we could have done. Although still a long ways away, my brain is already trying to process what and how to tell my 9-month-son when he is older about how his father died. I know that there are no right answers and processing grief is a deeply personal experience, but thank you to everyone for offering your perspective. It is comforting to know that other people have navigated this journey. You are all a testament that life does go on.