Hermit

Oh ladies, thank you for sharing your stories, my heart goes out to you guys. Funny how our husbands were the ones who were our social butterflies. I used to be that person - crazy, when I met him he was the one that said, "geez, you know everyone!" lol I guess back then motherhood tamed my social cravings down a lot, and being he carried that part so well - I just simply stepped aside and enjoyed the colorful personalities he brought into our lives. Albeit it was tiring sometimes. Though after his passing I still tried to at least maintain relationships with those I felt close to. Now - I'm just numb. @Trying, I've had the same thoughts as you, infact almost the same. I've kept this bubble around me so much now, what if something happens - I don't have much of a support system left either. @Mrskro, so sorry you lost your Dad recently *big hugs* @Bunny, wonderful insightful words again -thank you so much, and maybe you're totally right. I didn't think of it so profoundly that I may be dealing with her passing completely differently? I was also there with her when she left us, and it is something I am having trouble with as well. Perhaps as you suggested, a bereavement group is something I need to seek out too. It all seems like so much tho! I am usually quite strong, I feel so silly that I feel so off, and I'm unable to fix whatever is going on by myself! I hate bugging people too with my problems. I am a grown woman afterall. sigh...... You know, speaking about parents, I remember something that was said to me when I lost my husband; my father-in-law said, I can't even imagine your loss, not only was he your husband, but also he was like a father to you. I didn't understand him (I had a Dad - he was an amazing man), but he further said, well, it's like he raised you since you were a teen - that's a long time. I kinda wish he never said that because he was so right in a way. So yes, losing her and not having him to help me move on, has been so hard. I lost my Dad when I was pregnant with my 2nd child, so he was there during that time to push me forward. I am usually a very positive thinker, and I believe everything has a way of working out, I stop and smell the roses, and take in the beauty of everything that surrounds us. I believe in this - I have to. I appreciate every little thing I have and for the people who do love me, and are still here with me. So this road block has been a major downer, I am a downer. So ladies here are a couple of things I am going to start first, now this is a bit late in the summer unfortunately.. but on a whim I went out and got myself an old motorhome, which I plan to just go and find new scenery, youngest in tow. I have wanted to just get away, but I couldn't get myself to move. Now I have no choice. I bought the beast, and I can't just let it sit right? I will be doing this alone with my youngest, so I'm scared of course. He took care of any trailers or MH's that we had in the past, I don't know a thing. With BF working out of town, this just works out great for Mother/daughter time. 2nd, I've decided to reach out to my church, it's been a really-really long time shamefully, but something about going every Sunday, might help as a small step to talking to new people. I hope if I can complete a couple things; I can reach out to the widows group I found in my area, they meet for coffee, lunch or sometimes activities - that sorta felt like too much in my face right now, so I will see how I am after a little vacation and church. Also after reading your suggestion Bunny, I will look into a bereavement group as well. I'm so-so sorry I rambled Your thoughts and stories have really touched my heart and left me feeling not so alone.

Hi Bunny, thanks so very much for sharing a part of your story and feelings... it's more helpful than you may think - to feel like I'm not totally alone. I can't write as eloquently as you can, but your descriptions are so similar to my own. My husband sounds the same as yours was in terms of a plethora of friends. The house was always busy! And funny enough, my BF is completely opposite, and the things you describe of yours is the same for mine.. he has no problems enjoying home-life. Obviously in the state I am in right now, this works well for me, I don't feel pressured to entertain, or go out all the time. I have also had some very close friends move far away too.. we try to keep in touch but even now that has declined as well, which is all my own doing. All I know is this isn't me, I can't even see my 5 year plan. But if it resembles who I am right now - oh lord help me. I hope these feelings dissipate, and I know I need to seek some sort of help or even a group maybe of people who have also lost the loves of their lives. So this was my soft-start, a forum. Losing my Mom hit me hard, and harder that I didn't have my best friend helping me through it.... it's then this all began and I just went downhill from there. The immense sense of loss hit me twice when she passed, I lost her - and it was a sharp painful reminder I didn't have him to lean on. All my hard work to focus on moving forward just vanished. And you are right, it has been exhausting to be in widowhood. It was a long and bumpy road after the fact, but I had a good break there for a while as life started to look doable without him... and now I'm right back where I started internally almost. Thank you so much for sharing your own inner thoughts, it really means a lot.

Hi all, I'm thinking it's time I better reach out, something seems wrong with me, and I'm hoping for some feedback, clarity, or maybe even someone who knows what I mean - or direction maybe? Yikes. I don't want to bore you with a super long story. I lost my husband 5 years ago this month - I was married to him at a young age, 22 years and 2 kids later - he was my world. Time is supposed to heal us right, we keep going, we go through all the stages of grief, we move along, people expect you to move along! - I even took that step and got into a new relationship and now I live with him! My problem is this... I'm starting to notice a pattern and it's getting worse. I am getting rid of everyone in my life (aside from my kids and BF), I have bailed on all my social activities, I turn down any new ones or people who try to make friends with me, I've ditched any social internet sites like Facebook etc... Basically I have slowly just crept away to become a hermit/loner. Top it off I feel like I still haven't fallen in love with the man I am with although I adore him to pieces, it's a constant argument or guilt maybe in my mind. I've come to the conclusion I can't lose again - I don't wanna get close to anyone anymore! I have tucked away all my emotions, I was a mess after he passed, but I had to pull myself together for the kids, I had to move on - but I think I'm drowning because I didn't deal properly. In fact when I had seen a counsellor when my husband passed and adding in all the other events of sadness that went on over a few years she actually said to me, "Wow, I'm surprised you did not turn to drugs, alcohol or any other form of abuse". I stood as strong and dutiful as I could. But now I feel stuck..... I lost my Mom last year, and since then I just haven't bounced back... so last October I started cutting everyone out, unless they call me, no-one would know if I dropped off the face of this earth lol cause I'm out of sight, out of mind. If I possibly staved off depression in all those years, it just feels like it's all piling up on me now. I thought I was doing so good with letting go, being strong and moving on - but more and more thoughts are creeping back in like, I miss him, I wish I could see him, I want to talk to him etc.. It's unhealthy and like hurdling backwards full speed with the brake lines cut! I am so mad at myself. I don't want to do this all over again. In all this time I have been proactive to help myself, or had the drive to move forward, work things out - now I feel utterly-totally-disgustingly burned out, with zero motivation. I'm so lost. What's going on with me?, I just don't understand, and what can I do to correct this before it gets more out of control? I am thinking of looking for a widows support group in my area maybe or counselling again -sigh, which didn't really help. It feels like I need to start over... I just don't know how to this time. I read so many stories about women regaining their lives again, I thought I was.. this is becoming a major setback Has anyone relapsed like this for an extended period of time? or feared to get close again? I'm so sorry, I'm new here and I just blurted this all out, sigh. Bless you guys for even just reading. Feels like taboo just being a widow too.