I feel this way too. It's been 5 years since my husband died. Before his death, I was an optimist and always had goals and plans for the future and I worked hard to get what I wanted.
After he died, for the first couple of years, I worked so hard to keep going, to create a new life, to find a way to be happy again. It was a frenzy of activity for about two years, all in emergency mode, then I burned out. I did my best to build a new life, and I did, and it's ok, but it's not the same. I'm not the same.
These days I'm apathetic about almost everything. "I've stopped wanting things" describes the feeling perfectly. These days I just go through the motions. I put on a mask and do what I have to do and smile when I'm supposed to smile, but my heart just isn't in it.
I tell myself this is just a phase of grief (a really looooong one) that I need to be patient with. Maybe I'm still recovering from the burnout. It's frustrating to feel so stuck, and scary too.
For a long time I had absolutely no goals for the future. I told my sister this, and she, not really understanding the depth of the problem, suggested I just make a list, and start with "Learn to fish."
What???
But I have slowly started to develop a few goals. I've been reading historical fiction, decluttering my closets, sprucing up the yard. I tell myself these are real goals, small, but a start. One day I think the kinds of hopes and dreams I had before my old life ended will come more naturally.
So maybe you could learn to fish? That would be my sister's advice... hang in there, none of this is easy.
