My one year was September 30. My plan was to take my 1 and 3 year old apple picking and make a more memorable day of it, but my mind had another plan. I spent most of my day home nauseous and dizzy and not wanting to get out of bed. My kids make it hard for me to have my own thoughts. I feel like I never really got a chance to grieve. My heart breaks for my girls who will never know who their daddy really was. So I plaster on my smile and tell everyone I'm all right and cry at night from the loneliness. It doesn't get easier.
