Blue green

Whoa. What?? It's getting worse? I call bullshit!! Someone...please explain.

"It is ALWAYS acceptable to have all kinds of feelings. Always. Our conception of the emotional landscape is so simplistic and not at all realistic. We contain all kinds of simultaneous and contradictory feelings." This is so well said. Thank you all for your insight. I miss my husband every second but I also know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I think I let society's misguided and inexperienced expectations weigh me down. I have to do what's right for me.

How long are we expected to live in this dark place? When is it "acceptable" to talk to other people and have feelings other than sadness again?

I feel like my husband is becoming more of a memory. I am scared that I'll forget so many things. I feel like I already have. Five months feels like nothing and forever at the same time. What do you do to hang on to memories? And not just memories, things like how he felt, sounded, his presence? There is a part of me that wants to let go and a part of me that wants to hang on.

Thank you for the replies! I am not in a rush to be in a new relationship. My mind and heart are still consumed with my husband. A day after Jamie died, I was shocked to hear my sons ask me if I was going to remarry. So sad, I think they were looking for that feeling of security. I told them I think it'll be "just us for a long long time and that we will be okay. It's so very unfair to them and when I look at them, my heart aches for them and the fact that this loss is a part of their story. We are managing very well day to day, but the sadness is never far away. I appreciate all the insight and encouragement. I want my boys to look back and know that I did everything I could for them. There are times we absolutely need a man...so I text our neighbor! He's helpful and he can lift heavy things!

I'm under mine right now.

Hello, I just received the weighted blanket I ordered and I love it! It really helps with feelings of anxiety, insomnia and with restless leg. It's been described as feeling like a hug, which I know myself and many of us could use. Just wanted to pass this along. I got mine online from Weighting Comforts. They're sold on Amazon too. Hope you're all hanging in there. I'm sure trying!

It's been 13 weeks and 11 1/2 hours. I'm worried that it hasn't even hit me yet. What if I've been fooling myself all this time by getting up every day and doing what has to be done and feeling okay or even good some days? I'm worried I'll have a huge meltdown if this is the case. Tonight has been hard. He would always come in the kitchen and give me a hug. I want so much for him to hug me and to rest my head on his chest, then ask him what's on the agenda for tomorrow. Feeling so much sadness.

My goodness, so much of this is exactly what I'm going through too. It'll be 12 weeks tomorrow since I lost my husband to a stroke. He would've been 38 the next day. We have three sons as well as three dogs though. Everyone told me I was so strong too. I call it numb. The numb has worn off mostly. I was even sick last weekend, along with two of my boys--and it gave me such a setback. ...realizing even more that I'm on my own. No family within 4 1/2 hours. Jamie was my best friend and only truly trusted confidant. I totally relate to how you feel--no one to witness my life. No one to say---get this!!--to and have them absolutely get it. I don't know what the future holds, but I try to be positive and hope for things to get better. I have very low days and then things get better for a while. It seems random to me. Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings out there for the rest of us to connect to. I truly do feel the same.

Losing my husband and him simply not being here is the strangest sensation I have ever experienced. I think about his skin that I will never touch again. The way he hugged me and the nuances of simply being close to him. It will be 12 weeks tomorrow. He had a stroke one day and died the next. When I think about never touching him again, a feeling just comes over me. It's strange, like I said. It's still hard to believe and put words to it. He was cremated and it is unreal that he can be here one day and gone the next. Just so strange that I will never touch him again and that the skin that I was so accustomed to is no longer even exists. I think that's one of the biggest adjustments, his body not longer exists on this earth. He didn't believe in God. He didn't believe he had a soul. I don't know where he is, just that he is not here. I'm not sure if there is the peace that I've felt with other loved ones' passing. Just some ramblings. Thanks for reading.

Do you think that it's awkward for others to mention your deceased during conversations? I'm so used to building him into conversations and it's hard not to do. But I don't want to make people uncomfortable or put a damper on things.

I was doing so good for a while. It'll be 11 weeks tomorrow since my husband died of a stroke. Two of my three boys and I were sick today and I needed my husband so badly. Isn't it funny how you think everything is okay or it will eventually be okay, and then bam...it's suddenly not okay at all.

Thank you for the response. I truly appreciate it!

Hello, I lost my husband from a stroke on 8/7/16. We have three sons, 11, 7, and 11 months. I have had moments where I feel panicked about them "no longer having a dad." They NEED him so bad. Sometimes I feel an urgency to get them a dad. I know that may sound ridiculous. I am nowhere near ready to date. It's just such a helpless feeling, seeing them struggle. Can anyone relate? We have no family in our town or within four hours and it's hard to get friends' dads who are so busy with their own families to fill in.

Hello, I lost my husband unexpectedly from a stroke two months ago. I have felt and continue to feel a range of emotions from shock, sadness, anger... I have good days too. We had a wonderful marriage and I loved him very much. But there are things I don't miss. I don't miss how he pulled away from me and our children. I don't miss how I had to nag him to help me do things. I don't miss his temper. I feel guilty sometimes for these feelings but I can't help them. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I would do anything to have him back. Our boys miss him terribly and I hate that they are in pain. Can anyone relate to these mixed feelings?