Kismet

It’s been a year and a half since my husband passed. The first year I couldn’t even think of being with someone let alone a relationship. Move forward after the year mark one drunken night I end up sleeping with our close friend. History behind that is I’ve been friends with him for over ten years. He’s actually best friends with my late husbands brother. So we all know each other very well. Oh and he also just got divorced about 6 months ago. We’ve always been good friends and could talk for hours. But not until these pasted few months did I ever see him in a romantic light. But it is just so damn complicated with everything. I don’t even know if I have real feelings for him or am I just feeling lonely. The last time we were together he told me that he felt guilty about it. I have a hard time expressing feelings but a part of me of course feels guilty as well. I just nodded and started talking about something else because I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable I just don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s just to complicated to try to do. I don’t even know if he even has feelings for me like that. Worst thing is is my late husband and I used to joke about how this guy has always been in love with me. And here I am. He hasn’t pushed for anything but I don’t know if it’s because he’s confused himself or maybe it was just drunken sex? I guess a guys perpective would be nice for me to hear.

i got the you are so young comment too.. his family and other people who choose to share their opinion tried to stop me from buying a plot next to my husband for that fact alone. But with being really weak through all this that's something that I stuck my guns with. I can pick and choose where I will be buried thank you very much. I LOL'd on the vibratory comment. (His mother came over and cleaned our house while I was giving birth and when we got home I couldn't find my vibrator anywhere I was convinced she threw it away!! And wouldn't dare ask.. she is a very religious woman.. I did eventually find it but it was definetly funny imagining the look on her face if she ever did see it.. It's funny how people assume because your young that you are just capable of jumping right out there. I know people grieve different and people date ate different times but for me I still feel married. I didn't just stop loving him because he died. Now I'm not dilusional I understand that he's dead but it doesn't mean my heart doesn't ache for the love of my life... my best friend.. maybe one day I'll consider it but at this point I'm nowhere ready for anything I just want to focus on my kids. Which made me remember another one his brother one month out was like your vows said till death do you part it's ok you can move on.. just forget about him..

My husbands death was unexpected. really unexpected. He passed away 4 days after our 2nd son was born. There are a lot of crappy things that have happened afterwards to name a few (he died in my car) had to buy a different car. The house we were renting the landlady sold it. It was on the market for a day and sold so now I'm in the midst of moving our 4 bedroom house into a 1 bedroom apartment and having to go through all of his stuff which is breaking my heart all over again. My In laws well mainly his father and brother took items with out my permission that I could have sold to help pay bills and told me that there brother would have wanted them to have it.. Um no I'm pretty sure my husband would have wanted me to be able to do anything to help his wife who is now raising two children on her own. and now I just received a bill from the hospital for our stay (I had to have an emergency c section because the doctor accidently cut me and I started to hemorrhage) the bill is $75,000. How am I ever going to pay that. Did I mention we didn't have life insurance? Because I never would have thought my husband would die at 33. Everything is just really overwhelming me and I just needed to vent. Nothing can compare to me watching him get buried but I just know I'm feeling more of the emotions with the move.. because its not just the stuff its all over memoires in the house. Its like I can still feel him there.. and people say things that just amaze me.. "Well its been 3 months now. Its time for you to get out there and find a dad for your kids" "Your just amazing your so strong" (Um no I'm not strong I just dont have a choice these kids aren't going to care for themselves and the bills aren't going to magically get paid so I do what I need to do" "Your lucky at least you know where your husband is. Mine Left me" (This was at his memorial) As depressing as my post seems please share some of the stupid things people have said to you so I don't feel like I'm the only one surrounded my idiots who just do not understand.

Did you go back to the medium after 3 months? How was it? Did it give you any closure

How is this even my life. I'm 30 and my husband was 33 when he died. I'm coming up on 2 months since he died in a few days. I love him so much. I can't even say loved because I still and will always love him. He was truly my soulmate and the only person I ever wanted to be with and now he's gone. I just have trouble seeing what's the point of it all. I've been looking for answers whether it be in the Bible or trying to find a psychic medium to talk to. I just have such mixed emotions I can't understand any of this I just want my husband back ;( I don't want to do life without him.

My Husband died at the age of 33. I met him when he was 17. We spent our teenage years together and then our early twenties we grew apart but always stayed in touch. Whether he would show up for a random lunch date or a late night phone call we never let too much time go by until I was about 23. I got into a toxic relationship with a man that was physically and emotionally abusive. In that time frame I fell pregnant. The pregnancy gave me the strength to leave and never turn back. My Husband and I slowly started talking after my son was born. It took about a year until we officially started dating again. Once that happened I knew that he was the one for me and I would never be with anyone else. He was my soulmate. I think I had known in the past but was too young and foolish to see it that I had to grow up a little to really appreciate him for who he was. He always treated my son like his own. We kept talking about getting married but just never seemed to find the time to plan it. Then finally this year we went on a fishing trip with my parents and told them that we wanted to go to the courthouse and just do it but no they wanted a big wedding. So we agreed and I was able to plan a fairytale wedding in 6 weeks flat! This was the last week of January. February 13th came along and I found out I was pregnant! We were overjoyed as we had been trying on and off for the past 3 years and started to think that it wasn’t in the cards for us. So we had the wedding end of March and slowly anticipated the arrival of our new baby. Midway through the pregnancy they discover that I am dilating and need to have a stitch put in so that I don’t go into pre term labor. This in turn has to be removed prior to you going into labor. So at 36 weeks we came to the hospital for the routine surgery that should take about 10 minutes. I wake up an hour later only to find out that they are not able to remove the stitch and the process of cutting it out it has cut open inside of me and they are afraid I am hemorrhaging and need to perform an emergency C section. I can see the fear in my husband’s eyes but he holds my hand through the whole thing. The baby is out but is having trouble breathing on his own as he is 4 weeks early and is taken into the NICU. I am wheeled into our own room to recover from the C-section. My Husband never leaves my side for 4 straight days. On the 5th day when they release me from the hospital but allow us to stay in the room with the baby he says that he wants to go sell our car (we had wanted to purchase and SUV) Things have calmed down with the baby and I am back on my feet I know that he has been with me all this time so I tell him to go get some air enjoy the day. We cuddle in bed for a little bit and he kisses me goodbye. That is the last time I see my husband alive. While driving to his parents house he cuts someone off and this someone is some sort of psycho path that waits for over 2 hours for him to leave his parents house again. I call my husband and ask when he will be returning to the hospital as it was getting late he tells me he will be there in 15 minutes but he never makes it. The person followed him and shot him 5 times 3 minutes after we spoke on the phone. Sorry for all of the choppy details if I really got into it this would be pages and pages I just wanted to get the gist of the story. So now I sit a week away from it being 2 months since he died with our newborn son in a total state of depression. The shock has worn off but it still gut wrenching to think about. I loved him so much. I didn’t need anyone else in my life. Had we been stuck on a deserted island I would have been content with it just being him and I. I could have gotten through everything with him by my side. I was always a worry wart and he was more adventurous telling me that everything would always be alright. Well everything is not alright!!! He’s gone and no one can make feel better. I know they try and I try to be social and talk to people otherwise I get really deep into sadness when I’m left at home for to long. I just don’t see the point in it all. He was made for me. People even try to tell me your vows were till death do you part that you need to find a father for your kids. First off I can’t even understand how they can come out and say this less than 2 months after he passes these people mentioning these things are his family members. I had to plan a wedding a baby and a funeral all In one year. I just love him so much and I don’t want to do life without him but I have no choice and I hate it. I hate all of it. I just want him back I want him to be here to watch our kids grow. To top it off he died on our 6 month wedding anniversary so our one year wedding anniversary will mark 6 months since he died. Why can’t I wake up from this nightmare.