my beautiful husband and I loved each other so much. in the months before he died I was a little distant but it has nothing to do w him. I was just sad and going thru a rough patch. I moved to the USA in 2014 at the age of 22 to marry him. he died exactly a week before our second anniversary. he had been sick with what we thought was flu. but after a few weeks and it hadn't improved I urged him to get it checked out. Jim was terribly stubborn esp when it came to the doctor. by the time he finally decided he should go it was too late and after six days in ICU he passed away as the mrsa infection in his blood was too far gone. He was only 31.
his mother is saying it's all my fault that he died. that I should've made him go to the ER. she doesn't get that I tried! His boss tried to as well. He kept telling me he was getting better etc. I am wracked w guilt and if onlys and her behaviour of turning the whole family against me had only added to my immense pain. Nobody again will ever love me like Jim did. He loved me for me, and I for him. We kept nothing from each other. He was my reason to live. When we started talking again after a few years he contacted me the day I was contemplating suicide after being fired from my job and saved me. I've always struggled w depression and he was my reason to go on. Now he's gone and I'm in a foreign land without him. I'm moving back in a week or so. I don't know how I'm gonna go on. I don't even want to pack up our apartment. I feel comforted w all his things around. And his mother is treating me like crap. If he were here he'd never let anybody treat me the way she has. I'm destroyed inside. We were each other's only friends. We were connected on every level. Intellectually emotionally physically spiritually... I'd never felt such a connection before. We were utterly co dependent and we never spent a night apart the whole time I was in this country.
I'm lost, alone and all I want is my bb back. It's not fair. Any if it. All I want is to swap places w him or die so I can be w him. We always said we wanted to die tufehger so we wouldn't miss each other. I just hope I can go soon. He died on the 16th of dec 2016. It was so unexpected. I would do anything to go back. Anything. I hate being alive without him
