JaseBlade

Officially the most awkward TV interview ever... http://www.itv.com/news/calendar/2015-03-19/the-fightback-against-internet-trolls-who-targeted-man-after-girlfriends-death/

You're too nice, Grace!! Thank you so much again to everyone that has helped support me with this. Just so you all know, I have gone MASSIVELY out of my comfort zone to talk about this on TV tonight. It was difficult to do, but the message needs to get out there.

Sorry about the capitals in the title,I just thought I had to stress how big a down I'm having right now. I seem to have got myself into a bit of a difficult situation at the moment. I requested a deadline for university work due in last Wednesday, which was agreed to be extended to tomorrow. I was planning on doing this over the weekend, but got back from uni on Friday to find messages from people putting blame on me for Grace's death. I spent the entire weekend naming and shaming these people, with a video I made about it on facebook now going up for 50,000 views, with people word-wide getting in touch with words of support and saying it's inspirational. It made me feel good to have a way of releasing the anger I got from reading comments from people blaming me, but reality has now hit when I've tried sitting down to do some work. Things have been very difficult today, and I have no interest and seemingly no ability to actually do the work. I feel mentally and physically drained. I told my friend this, who then asked if I want my university degree. I replied with 'I don't fucking know', but then tried explaining things a little more to her- 'I've been forced to live a life I don't want. I though I was going to have Grace there to cuddle and laugh with every day after uni, to cheer me up when I was down, or to just give me hope to get through everything. I thought Grace would be there at my graduation smiling back at me with pride...and now I'm in fucking pieces writing this. I thought I'd get a job to save up for me and Grace to move in together. I thought I'd get to wait at the front of the aisle while Grace was walking down with her dad, before putting a wedding ring on her finger and kissing her- I loved kissing Grace. I thought we'd have children, I wanted them to look like mini versions of Grace, she wanted them to be mini versions of me. I thought we'd grow old together. I thought we'd die old, together. But now, I have none of that. I have a life I don't want and didn't chose. The things that mattered then don't any more. The things I could manage then, I can't any more. I'm fighting to find another life, but at the moment, I have no idea what I want or need.' So yeah, things aren't great today, not at all. Hugs to you all though- I wish they could be physical and not just in words though, I couldn't half do with a big hug!

I wish I had the time to reply to your posts individually, but at the moment I'm crazily overwhelmed with the response to my video- I'm losing track of it all! It's reached over 32,000 people! I hope I will get time to reply to you all individually, but for now I'd just like to say a massive thank you to you all for your kind words and help in pushing my message out there. I have been receiving a lot of messages from people who have also lost their partners and been on the receiving edge of trolls throwing disgusting comments in their direction- I have of course directed these people towards this amazing community here

I would be so grateful for you to share this video, so please feel free to share it with your students. If just one person in the future is saved from pain due to my video, then that is mission accomplished. And also, well done to you for teaching your students such an important lesson in life, it's about time these internet trolls become a thing of the past. I hope my video s helpful in teaching them. Jason

For anyone on Facebook, may I please ask you to share this video with the world? The disgusting comments and messages I have seen from people about me losing my fianc?e have sickened me, but I can look past them. Please share this message in the video to make sure nobody that doesn't have the strength left to look past such comments suffer in the future. Thanks everyone. Big hugs!

It's an odd feeling morning. I'm feeling very ill because of the stress of today. I have to stand up and go through the accident again, but in front of the press and Grace's family this time- this is going to be horrible!