Hello,
I have been reading many other's struggles and stories on here and have been hesitating to write about my own story. After going to a grief therapist I was told she thought I was avoiding by grief by not talking to others. So I am slowly trying to start talking about it. Hopefully, writing about it is my first step.
On October 21st, I lost my husband. I was gone for 2 hours and when I returned home I found him unconscious on our bed. He was already gone. I am still waiting to hear the final report from the Medical Examiner, but they told me they found out he had an enlarged heart and believed that was the cause. He was a perfectly healthy 31 year old man and was going to play hockey that night. We were married just over 3 years and together for 8 years. We had tried to get pregnant for the past 3 years and eventually got pregnant, however he will never meet his baby girl. I was 6 months pregnant when he passed away and as I write this I enter my final month of pregnancy.
My husband was a great man and we had an amazing marriage. All we wanted to do was be a family and I never thought I would be having a baby without him beside me. It was never the plan. I feel so sad that this baby will never know him and that she will have to grow up without this amazing man and father in her life. My whole future and world was changed on that day.
I feel like the first few days and weeks are a blur and now my focus is on my babies health. Whenever I start thinking about him, I stop myself and focus on the baby. I can't bring myself to think about the future or the past, the pain is too much. I just focus on this minute and never allow myself to think about him or about the loneliness. I thought I was just doing a good job of distracting myself from the pain and trying to keep living, but when does distracting yourself from the pain turn into avoiding the pain?
