TinazR

Thank you for the responses. I really relate to Zachsdad...my husband's diabetes and heart condition meant that for the past 4 or 5 years, sex was virtually non-existent, and in the past 2 years, we'd had sex all of 4 or 5 times. It was one of our big conflicts. I miss him terribly, and miss the affection and intimacy we had. But our sexual relationship was fraught with challenges. That said, I had a one-night stand, with an acquaintance. I was upfront that I was not interested in a relationship and what my boundaries are. I feel slightly guilty about it, but liberated at the same time. Maybe in the light of day, shame and regret will crop up. I will have to deal with that as it comes. But having someone desire me, to be healthy enough to be with me, was really amazing.

I haven't acted on anything much except for some really off-color flirting and some making out, but I feel like saying to hell with it and sleeping with him. He is aware of where I'm at in this, and aware that I cannot commit to any kind of relationship and says he is good with that but who knows if that's true.

I'm at 2 months since my husband died and I'm feeling so burned out by grief. I feel like doing something really reckless and spontaneous. It's hit me that I'm newly single and while I don't want a relationship, as I would be absolute shit as a girlfriend right now, I want sex, a one night stand, a fling. I never dated around before we married and I feel like I really want to. And then I feel horrible, guilty and like I'm dishonoring his memory. Tell me I'm being immature and horrible...tell me someone else has felt this way...tell me what I'm supposed to do here.