Jack

All day everyday just want to go be with her

Thx for reading you are probably the only people that have close to an idea what it's like in 2 days 23 hours and 55 minutes it will be 5 weeks

Hi Not really a forum person I just don't know who to talk to lost my beautiful wife in dec. we have 5 kids between us and they are the only reason I'm still here So second marriage and I had finally found my angel we had the greatest relationship I have ever seen or heard about no fights no harsh words just pure love We had both had terrible first marriages and now life was perfect most people talk this way after people pass but our love was the real thing cliche and all only 6 1/2 years together but the greasy of the forty I have been here we battled through her lung problem which affects the heart and believed we were winning the battle she had been so well and we dreamed of being old,grand children and self sufficiency on our farm On the night I lost her we were at a school function our second eldest finishing primary school when her heart decided it was not going to do one more beat I had just popped out for a cigarette when people came running for me I made it back in for her last moments of life before she was gone I knew she was gone could just tell my baby was no longer there but we tried anyhow doing cpr trying the defibrillator for over an hour the courses you do don't really prepare you for doing this to a person and definitely not your beautiful angel how there can be vomit that you find yourself digging out of her mouth while others do the compressions and you make sure she is ok when you do your next breath knowing blowing vomit into her already sick lungs is a bad thing but you have to get the breaths in Ambulance finally arrives and you watch helplessly will they try everything they can and still keep trying all the way to hospital till they shuffle you into a room while they are still working on her then you go back out because you can't stay in there anymore and see they have stopped I at say have you stopped they tell me no just doing some checkes and shuffle you away not long till I get the news my beautiful wife is gone I sit long enough that she is going a blue black colour and going cold a small dribble of blood coming out from her mouth from the stuff they have done I wipe it and keep kissing her and touching her hair till I finally leave and go home that was the worst day of my life everyday since is worse viewing,pall bearing and yet you would think that it can't get any worse it does I have no idea how to stay in this world but we have babies so I have to Sorry to put my stuff on other people just didn't know who to talk to