Hello,
Feeling so incredibly sad and crying almost all of the time I'm not at work. My wife of 23 years died unexpectedly on January 8. I returned to work this week because it seems like I can hold it together there while being distracted by what I have to do. I work in a loving and supportive independent school, and seeing the students (ages 4-14) also helps. I have been lucky to receive many cards, but when I open them I just cry, so I've been putting them aside. I have been going to synagogue every night to say Kaddish which is a bit surprising, as I'm not that observant, but it's something I want to do, at least for the first 30 days, so I'm going. I've been searching for widows groups and/or LGBT bereavement groups and haven't found any. I'm also worried my geriatric cat is about to die or will need to be put down, which is making me feel completely crazy. And my ex, whom I love, was diagnosed with cancer this past November and will have a stem cell transplant on Feb. 4. Today I went to my doctor so I could get medication to help me sleep as I fall asleep and then wake up and can't sleep for hours. I complained of pain in my chest, though I didn't think it was cardiac, that I've had since my wife died. She did an EKG and said that while it wasn't cardiac, I was experiencing "heartache." My young adult daughter has been wonderful, but I try my hardest to be strong in front of her, though I do and have cried. I'm grateful for this website and am trying to just accept how surreal and strange a place my world has become.
