Monique

I'm back. This morning I read Sam's suicide letter for the second time. I knew it would be hard, but my biggest mistake was doing it alone. Now I'm losing it and can't find anyone to talk to. Help...

Absolutely! Like you said, just a rough draft, though I tried to stick to a similar style to yours for consistency's sake.

This is fantastic. I struggle constantly to figure out WHAT exactly it is that I wish people woukd say/ do. A few additional things that come to mind:

10. Try to be a bit more gentle than usual. The BP may be hypersensitive to all sorts of things right now and might not be able to handle criticism or teasing the way they used to, even if you're not trying to be mean.

11. If they tell you something you can do to help, or something they would rather you NOT do, listen to them. Just because someone is grieving does not mean they are incapable of making a decision or acting in their own best interests. Ignoring their wishes will not be helpful and will probably only make things worse.

12. Don't be surprised if they frequently forget things or seem distracted or flaky. They're struggling just to get through the day and have a lot on their mind.

This is a long shot, but is there anyone else here in SE Alaska or the Yukon?

Thanks for the input, everyone. A few more details...

Part of my problem is that I don't feel like anyone is making any allowances. And it is a demanding job, so I feel it's probably unreasonable of me to expect them to. But I'm in way over my head and can't handle the workload at all. I really should NOT be working yet, and I'm regretting the decision to commit to this job. I really like all the people I work for, and I hate the thought of disappointing them, but I feel like I'm going to either way. I don't want to leave and force them to find someone who can fill my position (not to mention probably burning a bridge at the best job I ever had), but I'm certainly not a good employee right now as it is, so I don't know what to do.

Oh, and I don't have kids (since some people mentioned that aspect). It does make it easier that I don't have to worry about supporting anyone but myself. But it also probably takes away some of the motivation. My main motivation right now is really the desire NOT to let down my boss and coworkers.

oneoftwo-

Hugs to you too. I know what you mean- sometimes I don't have the right words to express what I'm feeling, but then I find someone here who DOES, and just reading other's experiences helps me to feel less alone.

Right?! The highest level starts at, what, 20-something? That's a pretty broad range of scores.

No need to apologize! I for one may be nearly 3 years behind you on this journey, so I don't have much experience to draw from, but I can still be sympathetic. I'm sorry you're feeling that emptiness again... I imagine none of us will ever completely escape it. Life is changed forever when you lose the person you love. But I hope that there are better days ahead for you, and I'll be here listening. Hugs...

A widow house? I'm in! Sounds like exactly what I need right now.

And I got a 53.

I'm curious what others here do for a living and what your experiences were with going back to work. I'm a pastry chef at a hotel, and recently returned to work at about 10 weeks out.  I've been really struggling with the stressful environment in the kitchen and the physical demands after so many weeks away from work. Anyone have any advice?

I've recently had a few old friends reach out to me, some of whom I hadn't talked to in years. It's nice and all to have people express their sympathy, but some people have made me uncomfortable with their persistent contact. I think some people are just curious and want to know all the details, others want to feel like they're helping even if they're not, and ultimately most people really do have good intentions but they don't stop to ask what I actually need (or listen when I tell them). How do I tactfully let someone know that I don't want their help?

I'm at about 3 months, and every day seems a little harder than the last. Nothing has any meaning anymore. Can someone PLEASE wake me up from this nightmare? Or at least put me out of my misery?

Thank you for sharing. I relate to so much of this, and it expresses a lot of what I just can't seem to articulate to family and friends. (Please, ask me how I'm doing! But only if you really mean it and want the honest truth. If I think you're only being polite, I will lie and say I'm fine.) My coworkers have avoided the topic so thoroughly that I'm not sure who knows what happened and who doesn't.

I'm sorry you have to deal with people critcizing his mistakes when you're already grieving. I don't have a good answer for what to tell people, other than you don't have to share anything you're not comfortable with. My fiancé died by suicide, specifically poison, so I'm in the same situation of not really wanting to explain to everyone who asks. I usually just tell people I'd rather not talk about it.

Yes to #2a and 8.

Thanks for keeping this going. It makes me feel less alone. Hopefully it does for you too.

Tonight I turned on live TV for the first time in months, saw a commercial for engagement rings, and started crying.

Wish I had seen this thread sooner! I'm leaving Phoenix tomorrow. But I'll be back at some point- my in-laws live here.

I second the vote for Free Bird. Even though (or maybe because) it makes me cry now.

So sorry for your loss(es) Michael.

What's EMDR?

Have you tried essential oils? Lavender can be very calming, among others.

I've seen those posts too. I definitely see how it could be triggering for some people. My advice for those who are uncertain is to use caution and know what you can handle seeing. The last episode depicts the actual suicide, which was a really hard scene to watch. But I think the show has a powerful message about treating people with kindness because you never know what they might be going through.

There are warnings before the episodes with graphic scenes, so people can be prepared if they choose to watch it.

TooSoon, I've experienced as well that some of the people who have been there for me the most are those who are suffering in some way themselves. And my grief has also helped me understand how to reach out to them too. I feel I've grown closer with certain friends through this because we're suffering together, albeit in different ways. But there's also guilt there, because I don't want to burden people too much when they have their own problems.

Thanks Julester. I'm kind of between cities right now, but it's something I'll look into once I get settled. For now, this forum helps a lot

We never picked specific names, but we talked about possible ones a lot... most recently he had said he liked flower names for girls, like Rose, Lily, or Jasmine. We thought it would be fun to have a theme

I feel like I'm asking too much of everyone around me. I'm desperate for someone to talk to, but it seems like none of the people I reach out to have the time to listen and be there for me as much as I need. They have their own lives, jobs, families. They didn't sign on to deal with all my problems. The only person who DID sign up for that isn't here anymore, and now I'm afraid I'm going to drive everyone else away. One person I thought I could lean on has been distant lately, so I'm trying to find others, but I don't want to burden anyone too much with the weight of my grief. It isn't fair that I have to go through this, so how could it possibly be fair to lay it on others too?