ForeverHisx

Hello , so its nearly been a year since i lost my fiance , its coming up to us being together 7 years . and also next week is our sons 2nd birthday . im a mess this is all so hard and all so close together . He was only 26 , im 25 . i dont know any other parents in my position especially at my age . ive come on here just to talk to people who understand how hard this all is . i hate bringing him up alone and i hate that i get to see it all and he doesnt . i hate that im breathing and he is not . 25 and its all over there will never be another its only him . it wasnt meant to be like this , i feel so sorry for our little boy his missing out on so much with not having him around , his so innocent and clueless , i hate every minute .

Struggling to cope , Struggling with out you . Its nearly our baby boys 2nd birthday , its nearly 7 years we have been together , its nearly a year since we lost you . i cant cope with it all anymore , im struggling to say im broke is a understatement . My fiance was only 26 Im 25 , and like i say our little boy is nearly two . its all such a mess a very very big mess that cant be solved or sorted out .

Fuck that were on a forum for this reason . Fuck that the company sent him on a job that wasnt his responsibility . Fuck that i spoke to him 15 minutes before . Fuck the journey to the hospital . Fuck the doctors who couldnt save him and sat in that room telling me . We done our best fucking idiots clealy not . Fuck everyone who got involved . Fuck his family C***TS . Fuck it that he was only 26 . Fuck it that i was only 24 . Fuck it that our son was only 14 months . Fuck it that i have yet to explain to our nearly 2 year old what happened to his daddy. Fuck it that i have to bring him up alone . Fuck it i feel ive already failed him because i cant give him what he needs his daddy . Fuck it how people are so quick to comment and say they understand NO NO YOU DONT ! or you wouldnt say the stupid comments you say . Fuck it how people can be so insensitive . Fuck it ive moved area as i cant handle being where i had my whole life planned out with him . Fuck it how im now only 25 and that this is it thats my life over he is the only one for me never will there be another . Fuck it how i go to bed alone every night . Fuck it how i hate my own head . Fuck it i get so stressed out with it all i have heavy nose bleeds . Fuck it how no matter what you do it doesnt matter because its the same reality . Fuck it this horrible feeling that only the ones who have gone through it get it . Fuck it being told oh your doing so well . FUCK OFF FUCK YOU , try living on the inside of me !. Fuck it how it happened so suddenly . Fuck life its not life its just existing . Fuck how id do anything to have you back id go to the end of earth , Fuck it how i cant find you !. Fuck it how i miss you so much . FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS !.