ForeverHisx

Hello ,

so its nearly been a year since i lost my fiance , its coming up to us being together 7 years . and also next week is our sons 2nd birthday . im a mess this is all so hard and all so close together .

He was only 26 , im 25 .

i dont know any other parents in my position especially at my age . ive come on here just to talk to people who understand how hard this all is . i hate bringing him up alone and i hate that i get to see it all and he doesnt . i hate that im breathing and he is not .

25 and its all over there will never be another its only him .

it wasnt meant to be like this , i feel so sorry for our little boy his missing out on so much with not having him around , his so innocent and clueless , i hate every minute .

Struggling to cope , Struggling with out you .

Its nearly our baby boys 2nd birthday , its nearly 7 years we have been together , its nearly a year since we lost you .

i cant cope with it all anymore , im struggling to say im broke is a understatement .

My fiance was only 26

Im 25 , and like i say our little boy is nearly two . its all such a mess a very very big mess that cant be solved or sorted out .

Fuck that were on a forum for this reason .

Fuck that the company sent him on a job that wasnt his responsibility .

Fuck that i spoke to him 15 minutes before .

Fuck the journey to the hospital .

Fuck the doctors who couldnt save him and sat in that room telling me . We done our best fucking idiots clealy not .

Fuck everyone who got involved .

Fuck his family C***TS .

Fuck it that he was only 26 .

Fuck it that i was only 24 .

Fuck it that our son was only 14 months .

Fuck it that i have yet to explain to our nearly 2 year old what happened to his daddy.

Fuck it that i have to bring him up alone .

Fuck it i feel ive already failed him because i cant give him what he needs his daddy .

Fuck it how people are so quick to comment and say they understand NO NO YOU DONT ! or you wouldnt say the stupid comments you say .

Fuck it how people can be so insensitive .

Fuck it ive moved area as i cant handle being where i had my whole life planned out with him .

Fuck it how im now only 25 and that this is it thats my life over he is the only one for me never will there be another .

Fuck it how i go to bed alone every night .

Fuck it how i hate my own head .

Fuck it i get so stressed out with it all i have heavy nose bleeds .

Fuck it how no matter what you do it doesnt matter because its the same reality .

Fuck it this horrible feeling that only the ones who have gone through it get it .

Fuck it being told oh your doing so well . FUCK OFF FUCK YOU , try living on the inside of me !.

Fuck it how it happened so suddenly .

Fuck life its not life its just existing .

Fuck how id do anything to have you back id go to the end of earth , Fuck it how i cant find you !.

Fuck it how i miss you so much .

FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS !.