faye

 I look at insurance as legalized gambling.  You're betting you'll need it.  Insurance is betting your premium can be invested at a profit before you file a claim. Real glad I've had insurance for my car, both when I wrecked one, and when the parking lot flooded this spring, and I wondered if the current one was [soggy] toast.   Life insurance could be really important if one had children to provide for, or a mortgage the spouse couldn't pay.

I'm torn about this because I would like to marry my partner, but face the same issues regarding medical problems. (And we're not nearly as well prepared, financially) As things stand right now, I love to be my partner's wife, but i don't foresee that happening.  I would be disappointed to find out the wedding I'd been to was a sham, and I'm not planning to have a fake wedding myself.  If a couple invited me to a commitment ceremony, I would go to support them, but I won't have one myself.  

On 5/14/2018 at 1:17 AM, RyanAmysMom said:

OMG - Why oh WHY can't people just be honest?!?!?  - but why lie about your age?  And if you'll lie about that........  what else are you willing to lie about?  So.....  Is this a dealbreaker?  Does one lie really lead to more? 

I had a couple (well, at least three) lie about their ages by 17-24 years.  It makes no sense, does it. Lying by only a few years won't help much, lying by a lot is lying a lot.

I had dreams about giving birth.  The really odd thing is that I never ever wanted or had children. One of my friends said it kinda made sense, since I was starting something new.  The babies I was giving birth to were all premature.

Because so many screenings are recommended now, hereditary conditions may not be as important as they once were.  My paternal grandmother died before I was born. She had cancer, but no one now knows what kind it started out as.  So, I've had regular mammograms and this year, a colonoscopy.  Those would be recommended whether or not we knew Grammy's history.

I started out with boxes and envelopes to send to this relative of Late Husband's or that one.  You know what?  All that stuff is mine now.  I no longer feel compelled to get it back to his relatives. I've thrown out a lot. My mom made a quilted throw from some of his clothes.

I had a cat which helped me through a difficult summer.  I would come home, toss my bag on the floor, pick up a beer, and head out the back door with the cat. He followed me around the yard and I'd decompress from a bad day.  Sometimes we sat and watched the sun set from the yard.  He died just after Christmas in 2015. I've since taken in a foster cat, who I mistakenly call by Old Cat's name. He doesn't mind, but he's not Old Cat, either.

Late husband made about twice what I did.  Not a lot of money, anyway.  Had he not died so soon after being diagnosed, we'd probably have gone through it all. Had he not become ill, owing to his alcoholism he might have spent it all over the next few years. 

But he died, so his retirement savings became mine.  Current guy lost his home to foreclosure, and lost his savings trying to maintain it.  My home is paid for. Current Guy makes much less than I do.

In checking around, I discovered that while spouses aren't be responsible for credit card and other ordinary debts, medical debts are a different story, at least where I live.  Spouses CAN be found responsible for those, and I don't live in a community property state, either.  I'm reluctant to get married as things stand now, although Current Guy would love to.

Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that a psychologist lacks equanimity?

How sad.  Have you ever been so blunt as to say, "If you keep this up, we won't be associating with one another any more" ?

I get him, really. I'm cheap, too. My ancestors weren't prosperous enough to accrue any wealth like that. The system was set up to care for widows and orphans.

I had a roommate in college who told me she might not  have been able to afford college if her father hadn't died; the SS benefits were more, she said, than her father would have ever saved.

I had another friend whose father had been declared dead some years before.  She received a letter from the Social Security administration stating that they had uncovered new information that her father was alive, and that her benefits were being terminated. Back then SS paid through college up to the age of 22, I think.

I don't think I'll be getting married again, myself.  Significant other is being treated for cancer.  Although a spouse isn't responsible for other debts, where I live, they can be held accountable for medical bills.

It doesn't usually bother me. This year, I didn't bother looking for a card until the day before, and faced nearly empty racks at the card aisle.  And then I started thinking about poor Late Husband.  Although we had a kind of rocky second half of the marriage, I discovered in going through the house that he'd saved almost every card I'd given him.

I have a stash of craft supplies at home, so Chapter 2 guy got a card. But standing at the display in the store I thought, "I just can't do this today."

I'm with Wheeler's Wife.  Whomever purchases your home will have her own taste, ideas, thoughts and all the new stuff gives one the feeling of "Oh...it would be a shame to take all this new stuff and pitch it. We'd just have to live with someone else's choices..."

Co-worker of mine did a lovely job reno-ing her home. It may have helped it sell faster since it was clean and tidy.  They were disappointed that didn't add to the price.  Especially disappointing as the sale came about from a divorce.

It's rare that I'd reach out. I met some nice men dating, but most of them were not looking for female friends. They wanted a romantic partner.  I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be interested in maintaining contact.  There is one person I dated who I stay in casual contact with. We text each other now and then.

"The patriarchal system of her father led to the two favorite sons to obtain the farm land. Everyone else had to fend for themselves, and they have not lived as well or as easily."

Yes, similar story on one of the branches in mine, too.

Humor, yes. Although compassion isn't my strong suit, it helps to summon up a little bit of that as well. We don't have to date those desperate types a second time, though.

Many of the people I met were very, very lonely and sad. One man blocked me when I added him to my favorite list, so clearly he thought *I* was weird.

Your date sounds a little desperate.  Be careful how you phrase "not looking for anything serious."  It's a dating site, and that can be interpreted as NSA sex. I didn't always refuse a second date if I didn't feel anything, but I usually did. Sometimes, if a guy seemed nice, I might give it another try.

I only "liked" someone's profile once.  The next day he had hidden it from me.  I can only infer he thought I was weird.  I am, a little, but I'd assumed one would have to get to know me a little  to come to that conclusion.

my LH was an only child to a single mother...Snip...My LH had no plan to ever move back home.  Farm family.  But he was no farmer.

His closest relatives would be aunts, uncles, and cousins? 

The downside of technology and changing society is that we no longer expected or required to go into the family business. We are free to seek employment / lifestyle far from our nuclear family.  New Guy's children moved several hundred miles away.  Their children will barely know their grandfather and grandmother. If fact, his ex-wife moved across the country to settle here with him. She has no family here, either.

Outlaws. I call them outlaws. They're nice enough, but we're not close.

LH called his ex's family "the outlaws" too.

i live in an area that is frequently used for destination weddings.  If y'all were to Google 'destination wedding package' with a part of the county/country/world where y'all would like to marry, Google would accommodate.

Venues sometimes provide everything from appetizers and zither accompaniment.  BTW, if you get a marriage licence and actually use it, you have had a 'wedding' - which is separate from having a lavish reception with dinner and dancing. 

NG is talking about a wedding. How many people would come from your side of the family, he asked.  Maybe six.  Maybe. It's not that we're a dysfunctional bunch, but we are low-key. 

At a fair, I won a t-shirt that read, "That's Ms Bitch to you."  There's no place to wear something like that, though.

I suspect many of those who ghost when meetings are mentioned are people who already have partners - bored and posting profiles online.  Then partner comes home from business trip or completes that project that had her working OT or Horrors! someone clicks on his profile or responds to a message.

I think it's also beneficial to have someone proofread any profile or ad. I've seen people complain that the people they date just want to hop in the sack.  If you write "not looking for anything serious" on a *dating* site, that could mean you're open to that sort of thing...with no strings attached.

My personal favorite was "looking for an open-minded woman" which about 75% of the time meant he was married.

After a while I learned when a date cancelled, I left the ball in his court to re-schedule.

You'll love DC.  The subway system is pretty good.  A lot of things are free: admission to the Smithsonian, the national zoo...

When you mentioned $3K I wondered how much it would be for your whole family.  Best of luck to you and your daughter. 

I had one who went into a day by day narrative of the last month he and his wife were together, including the details of when they were intimate, on our first and only meeting.

I feel horrible that it even happened.  I should have known better. I do feel bad or the other woman involved. I feel horrible that this went on without me telling her. She didn't deserve to be lied to and I  take responsibility for that.  I just hope she wakes up one day and realizes what a piece of crap he is. I hope everything around him crumbles and he feels the same type of pain I have felt.

You didn't have the responsibility to be honest and straightforward with her.  That duty belonged to her live-in partner.  A woman who would monitor his phone call to you and tell him what to say would seem to be an ideal match for him.  I'm sort of puzzling over the idea that you "ruined this by demanding he choose."  She wouldn't be the first person to ignore an affair, so long as her nose wasn't rubbed in it, though.

As someone who had a live-in boyfriend cheat, I was angry with the boyfriend, not the girl he dated. Heaven only knows what he told her.  He probably lied to her.  He lied to me.

Time doesn't "heal all wounds,"

Is it a bad thing to hope that time wounds all heels?