marriedwithkids77

I love reading your histories 

Ugh!

 

Put you and your son first!! That's pretty shitty of him (I know I know his kids).

 

Think I would focus on making a life for myself and son in New place and put a few walls up to NG. If its meant to be..he will work hard to also be there for you and your future. If not...-a move is still a good thing and make be what you need.

I agree

I'm willing to call it quits and move on if that's what he wants, but he doesn't want that either. I guess he's happy with how things are, but I don't know if I can be anymore without expectations.

 

Sounds like he's getting cold feet for some reason.  I bolded the one section because I think it's important to how you proceed.  Do you really want to give him the power to decide when it seems like he's more of an inertia kind of guy?  I'm not sure an ultimatum is in order, but... well, maybe it is.  You've got the leverage in knowing you would be okay on your own and you know where you want this to go.  Maybe it's time that you forced the issue?

So true

Thanks for sharing!

New Thread.

 

Same topic.

 

How to work through the dating/new relationship with someone who has limited time with their children. 

 

So, an example of this. Separate vacations this summer because of scheduling issues.  NG just got back from his with his boys.  3 days no phone contact.  We have talked about it.  WE did text.  But still.  I didn't go 3 days without contact with LH ever once married.  I am starting to get used to it as I am independent and have been on my own for 4 years.  But then that scares me.  Interdependence in a relationship is needed.  So, there ya go.

 

 

Important issues brought up here - thanks!

 

I certainly understand you being a bit put out regarding the 3 days of no talking while NG on vacation. But, could this simply be a function of the differences between men and women? Many guys don't need, or perhaps even want, the level of tagging up that many women want. I'm not suggesting that anyone is right or wrong here, only that it may be due to differences in personality.

 

As to the level of attention NG showers upon his kids when they are around - he may feel some underlying guilt as a result of the breakup of his first marriage and he overcompensates when he has his children. Who knows? Just a thought.

 

SB, you mentioned NG may be compartmentalizing various aspects of his life. That is very possible - as a group, men oft times do that. Rightly or wrongly, we view it as a feature, not a bug within our lives.

 

It seems everyone involved here will have to compromise a great deal in order to have this relationship be a happy, successful one. Everyone, on both an individual level, and as a couple, must decide what they are willing to give in to and what they will not. Each of us will have our unique 'line' that must be reached to feel comfortable.

 

I guess the trick is to find where the line is and is that compatible with what the other person can live with and that's where the communication aspect comes into play.

 

Blending isn't for sissies - Good luck - Mike

I agree

Thanks for that, Mike. I think sometimes we want to stir the pot, not in a malicious or harmful way, but because we all still have a bit of neanderthal in us in a way ... when we don't know how to react in a situation, nothing beats the old grunt and growl method  ;D

 

Seriously though, trying2, it sounds like your guy is just in a relatively good place in life. I try to make that a goal as well, to not have much stress if possible. Is there a reason why you haven't introduced him to your children -- is it because you don't want commitment, or don't want it with him? No need to answer as I offer the questions as food for thought. There is a big difference between a desire for commitment and a desire for companionship and knowing where you are and where he is on the continuum will be important for both of you.

 

My weekend went well, thankfully. I love how the Universe often conspires in our favor. So I did respond (obviously) to the dinner request; I told NG I'd planned to make a certain dish that I hadn't tried before and suggested we could go with that or we could go out. He wrote back that he was intrigued by the dish I mentioned (tikka masala pork chops with rice and veggies), so we agreed we would stay in, eat, and watch movies. Dinner went so well that he said, 'Be sure to cook more chops next time, dear' LOL. We watched two movies, the first of which was a Swedish film called 'A Man Called Ove', which was very good, and Wonder Woman. Sunday morning on the way to breakfast, he asked about my son and his health, having remembered that Khalil had been in hospital a little over a month ago. We had breakfast and once we came back to my house, we were outside, looking at the mountains and talking about various adventures. I broached the subject: 'If you want a real adventure, what do you think about riding out with me to meet my son?' and he said he thought that was a good idea (can't remember exactly but it was something like that). I warned him that because of his special needs, Khalil has no filter and will probably be all up in his business. NG smiled and said something like that's what all young people do and he was welcome to ask anything. The conversation went on from there about other things.

 

Overall, I think it went well. Now, the real next step: setting up the meet and greet ... Yikes! I am thinking not this coming weekend but the one after.

So true

Lovely couple!!

lcoxwell, thank you for starting this thread.

 

As a result of our regular posting on the old YWBB and attending local wodowbagos, Bluebird and I met for the first time in 2010. And quite unexpectedly, we immediately fell in love. Three years later we were married in the presence of family and friends, including several dozen fellow members of that board. Here is our formal wedding photo.

 

--- WifeLess

 

You guys look great