Always

Thank you for the replys, Its reassuring to know that I'm not alone. Reaching out so early I think I am just grasping that this is real life and I'm floundering and needing the words of people who've been through it too. One moment at a time.

I lost my soul mate one week ago. I am new to this forum, so please forgive me if I say anything people don't usually say. We were highschool sweethearts, graduated together, college together. Literally never apart for 13 years. We finally decided to get married 2 months ago. We have a home together and were starting to try for a baby. He was perfection to me. He just turned 29 on our honeymoon. Hes so young. I had been staying with my mom to help her recuperate from a major surgery, he was staying at our home to take care of our dog and would come every day during the day to be with me, and sleep at our home at night. I kissed him goodbye on Sunday and said see you in the morning. I guess he must have went to the community pool to relax that evening. He liked to sit on the edge of the pool and put his feet in. The area supposedly had small pockets of storms and heat lightning and with it being dark already he must not have noticed. The coroner says the lightening hit the pool and instantly stopped his heart. He fell in, and thats where my sister found him the next morning when we were looking for him. How could this have happened? We were going to have babies. My whole life is him. I've never been an adult without him. I've never lived alone, hes always by my side. Hes my whole heart and I just can't believe this has happened. Everything I cook, was b/c he liked it, everything I wore was b.c I was trying to impress him, everything I did, we did together. How can I live without half my soul?? I miss him so much. I just keep waiting for him to come down the hallway. I know in my brain hes gone but my heart is just waiting for him. I feel like he talks to me in my heart. I beg for him and I hear him tell me hes okay, His words in my heart are the only thing keeping me going. The agony of missing him is overwhelming. Our life, our plans... Why did God take him so young? Why did he have us meet and grow up together and become so entwined and then rip him away? Everyone keeps telling me to "lean on God" and "God takes those he loves the most" but I don't understand. They say "The best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry" and that "the only plans that matter are Gods" If God loves me, and loves my husband why would he put us together and then rip us apart? That doesnt seem like a merciful or loving God. It seems cruel. I feel him in my heart, I feel like hes in heaven, and hes watching over me and our families, so I feel like he's with God and hes telling me to open my mind to God, even when when hes been a doubter, its like now he knows now and hes leading me this churchy way. But I'm struggling. I'm asking God and Jesus to help me understand but I'm struggling. Thank you for listening.

I lost my John a week ago today. He was perfect. We started dating in highschool, and were together for 13 years, we have only been married 2 months though before his accident. We rarely fought. Hes handsome, funny/witty, unbelievably smart, liked a good debate, huge geek, liked to ride his motorcycle and had a beard that he was very proud of. He played video games, cooked with me in our little home. Went to Hobby Lobby with me even if he was very full from lunch. He took care of me, and I took care of him. Sang Family guy quotes in his sleep, loved kids, and the beach. He loved me unconditionally. We did everything together. He never met an enemy, always found common ground even with people others couldn't stand. I don't understand why hes gone, when hes so good. People keep telling me "God takes those he loves the most, first", that's not helping though.