When my wife was first diagnosed with stage 4 right off the bat, I thought she only had months (they never gave its a prognosis). Looking at different studies told me she may have 18 months. I think i can say i was utterly depressed and "pre-grieving" . Then 18 months, came and went. I would pre-grieve every now and then. It wasn't until about 60 months that we were told to "get your affairs in order", and it was clear they meant it. I pre-grieved for about a month solid, then we just continued to push forward. She passed at 67 months. I think pre-grieving helped me somewhat, i know, knowing that her time was limited, kept me from doing small things i would regret (like not complaining about doing stuff for her). That has helped me now. Especially when my brain tries to find something i regret (i don't know why my brain tries to do this).
I think my grieving now has an extra element that complicates things. I find I'm almost mourning two people, her before the diagnosis happened, and who she was Before she died.
Anticipatory Grieving
in Extreme Caregiving
Posted
When my wife was first diagnosed with stage 4 right off the bat, I thought she only had months (they never gave its a prognosis). Looking at different studies told me she may have 18 months. I think i can say i was utterly depressed and "pre-grieving" . Then 18 months, came and went. I would pre-grieve every now and then. It wasn't until about 60 months that we were told to "get your affairs in order", and it was clear they meant it. I pre-grieved for about a month solid, then we just continued to push forward. She passed at 67 months. I think pre-grieving helped me somewhat, i know, knowing that her time was limited, kept me from doing small things i would regret (like not complaining about doing stuff for her). That has helped me now. Especially when my brain tries to find something i regret (i don't know why my brain tries to do this).
I think my grieving now has an extra element that complicates things. I find I'm almost mourning two people, her before the diagnosis happened, and who she was Before she died.