My soulmate passed away on March 11, 2018 after battling cancer for almost 2 years. We lived together for 13 years and were married 5.5 months. I am numb at this point. Work keeps me busy during the day and my weekends are spent trying to get the house ready to go on the market as I can't afford it alone and can't maintain it alone. I never thought that I would be alone again, he was my best friend, my everything and we were always together. But here I am, at 46 years old, alone and shattered. Yes, he is still with me, I can feel him and we talk all the time in my head. Not sure if I am going crazy because I never believed in any of that stuff before, but here I am...
I am not sure where I will be mentally once the house that we made beautiful and perfect is gone, it is killing me to have to sell it, I am surrounded by him there. But he understands why I have to sell it and he tells me he is staying with me no matter where I end up. Maybe being in a new place will be almost a new start, even though I would give anything to not have to make a new start and have him back.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and tell everyone I am glad I happened upon this site yesterday. Somewhere I can go and not feel so alone and connect with others that actually understand what I am feeling, even if I don't.
My Heart is Shattered and the Fog is Dense
in Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)
Posted
My soulmate passed away on March 11, 2018 after battling cancer for almost 2 years. We lived together for 13 years and were married 5.5 months. I am numb at this point. Work keeps me busy during the day and my weekends are spent trying to get the house ready to go on the market as I can't afford it alone and can't maintain it alone. I never thought that I would be alone again, he was my best friend, my everything and we were always together. But here I am, at 46 years old, alone and shattered. Yes, he is still with me, I can feel him and we talk all the time in my head. Not sure if I am going crazy because I never believed in any of that stuff before, but here I am...
I am not sure where I will be mentally once the house that we made beautiful and perfect is gone, it is killing me to have to sell it, I am surrounded by him there. But he understands why I have to sell it and he tells me he is staying with me no matter where I end up. Maybe being in a new place will be almost a new start, even though I would give anything to not have to make a new start and have him back.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and tell everyone I am glad I happened upon this site yesterday. Somewhere I can go and not feel so alone and connect with others that actually understand what I am feeling, even if I don't.