tamara76

thank you @Love2fish, although it happened after a long battle with cancer, it still felt suddenly, it was over in 24 hours... i can not get those pictures of the last day out of my mind...at least I had a chance to say that I love him, he tried to smile...-He was at home almost untill the end, he spent only 4 last hours in the hospital. Our daughter is an amazing kid, so energetic, full of life and joy, she is my strength. Also, she has grown up early because all the situation, and therapist said she is dealing great with this, thank God. People around me think that I am dealing great also, but it only looks that way because I do not want anyone to see my pain, I should be getting the Oscar for acting... it is hard, exhausting, I bear this empty black hole inside me while smiling, working, taking my daughter to classes or playdates... this forum is so comforting to me, I am not writing much but I am reading all the stories here, feels like I am not alone...sorry for language mistakes, I am from Belgrade, Serbia...unfortunately, loss and pain have universal language, so I hope you understand what I am talking about...and, I would soooo like to cry, but I can not, I would like to pour the river of tears to purify this saddness, but no... only empty black hole inside.

It's been almost 7 months without him, lost him on October 12th last year, lung cancer, after almost 5 years battling that stupid, awful illness. I am 42, he was 60 when he passed away, we have a daughter who is 5,5 now... all these years he fought bravely, on his feet until the end. He was a love of my life, my hero. Now, I am broken more than ever, more than when that actually happened. I miss him like crazy. I work, I have an active life because of my daughter, but... I am not good. Hugs to you all.

So sorry for your loss. I am 4 months without my husband today, me and my 5 years old daughter. Lost him after a long battle with cancer, which he handle with enormous strength and smile on his face despite all problems, pain... At first I felt guilty, like I could/should have done something more (but we did EVERYTHING), than I felt relief that he is not suffering any more, and now... now it is harder then at the beginning! I think I am just starting to realize that he is not coming back never again and it is unbearable. From the moment he died, I have functioned well - took care of my daughter, started to work only a week after, nobody saw me crying on work, I am accomplishing all the tasks like nothing happened, but... It takes so much strength to put on the mask every day! I am proud of myself, hope that he is proud of me too, wherever he is now. I miss him like crazy, more and more every day. Our daughter is my great strength, my motive to go on, but I really can not comprehend that he is gone forever. He was my soulmate, best friend, my everything, love of my life. Hope we all feel better in time, for me it is great comfort to see that I am not alone... Hugs to all of you!