gretchen437

I've been pretty lonely missing my DH lately, but mostly loving living in my new town close to family. Only problem is the unexpected drop ins. For example today I was attempting to get a quick O before my kids got home from school when the door bell rings with my MIL at the door. Quickly throwing on a pair of pants and slamming my comp closed and rushing to the door took me a bit longer than expected, leading to a disappointing look on my MIL's face when I opened the door.  :-[

Spending my saturday watching Inspector Lewis and glancing over my newly created online dating profile. Watched adventures of tintin with my kids for movie night and will hopefully get some cleaning done before bed.... I lead an exciting life.

My DH spoiled me rotten There are too many to list. He used to love to surprise me with trips. I use to wake up with him telling me we had to leave for the airport in a few hours to head on a trip to washington d.c., seattle, new orleans, etc. After I had been dating him for about a month or so, I came home from work (we moved in together almost immediately) to find him next to a huge bouquet of flowers and he proceeded to recite a list of all the things he loved about me. I am so sad I can't find the list anymore the only thing I remember is that one of the reasons was the fact that I ate like a wolverine  :-\ .

Thank you all for the kind responses. Things have just been so chaotic that I really appreciated the supportive words. Thank you all for being so wonderful.

So recently I graduated from law school. I am scheduled to fail the bar exam in a few days (not pessimistic but rather everything else proves I will fail). About a month and a half ago, while extremely physically ill, I made a big decision. I am returning to my hometown(isn). When I got married and moved away, I swore I would never return. Now I am and the regret is sinking in.

I have always managed to take the hard route through life. I got married at 18 to my amazing husband. I had two children while traveling around and completing my undergraduate degree. My husband died half way through law school. I have trudged along, and completed my law degree while raising my children after he died. At graduation, I for once was on a normal path. I had a post graduate job lined up, and I was making connections in the legal community. For some reason I decided to throw it all away. I decided to move far away with no job lined up and very little possibility for a new job. I am becoming increasingly nervous about leaving the home my husband and I spent so much time together in. The home where he died.

At the time I decided to make the move, I was sick. Since my husband died I have barely gone a few weeks without some form of illness taking hold. I was miserable in my job and I hated the career path I was on. I also hated wasting so much of my life commuting back and forth between suburbia and city amenities. My hometown has plenty of family (none of which I particularly get along with, but that's a different story).

The choice was made for two main reasons: my children and my health. Since my husband died, I have bonded very closely with my children.I would do anything for them. In spite of myself, I must admit my hometown is a decent place to raise children. It has wonderful parks, community events, low crime, and great schools. We are moving into a house from an apartment, which includes us having a yard for the first time in a loooong time. Health wise, the community promotes a healthy lifestyle for the family through fitness classes and extremely fresh produce.

I wrote this up largely to help remind myself why I made the decision, but also ask for other opinions. I have essentially rejected financial and career security for the unknown. Right now the unknown is scaring the shit out of my logical self.

This is a bit off topic, but I love to get lost in a tv show when I am having a tough time. Just curious of (A) what shows anyone else loses themselves in and/or (2) what show would describe your life.

(A) Poirot, Death in Paradise, and Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

(B) As a socially awkward and clumsy girl I can relate to Miranda. Also, Golden Girls can be really relatable as all the characters were formerly married and are dealing with their lives with friendship and comedy.

I love this thread   One of my tips is find the clearance section of your local grocer. Grocers often fill it with discontinued or overstocked products. You will notice cycling of clearances. Health food products often go into the clearance section a couple months after the new year (when everyone has given up on their diets).  Coffee and tea often are put on clearance during early summer/late spring. Always check the expiration dates though in case it is close to its end.

I don't mean to offend by this response...

I come to this board looking for answers, for support. I can throw on the tv or read the internet, paper and get all the politics

I could ever want and more, you can't seem to run from it. So I run to this board looking for support and answers because being a widow stinks.I want to get away from every day nonsense, go to a place where I can just hopefully get support and answers, anything with losing my partner.  I am not interested in politics on a widow board. On this board, it doesn't matter what your preferences are, we are all here for the same purpose.

@keeptrying I posted this as off topic, but like so many have said this is not off topic for many members. This decision greatly affects my personal journey of grief. As a bisexual woman the fact that I could legally marry whomever I love in my Chapter 2 is a great victory. I know you didn't mean to offend, but this decision positively impacts so many members as the government has finally recognized our right to choose who we love. I am sorry if this reply upsets you, but I have found it best to just avoid threads I know will upset me. Best of Love.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/27/us/supreme-court-same-sex-marriage.html

This is a historic day for love. Hopefully we can stop hurting people for simply loving people now.

Sitting on the dock for sure

Taking a risk OR playing it safe?

Everything so complicated right. My health, studying, the kids, and everything else has caused me to make a rather rash and illogical decision. Among the most frustrating problems of the decision is, as I opted to marry my husband young, I never bothered to come out. A handful of people know about my preferences and prior relationships with women, but now more than ever I am even more guarded about it, but at the same time I feel too old to live a lie. Sorry just needed a bit of a rant.

I am yet again struck down sick causing me to fall further behind in my studies. I am only half way through the material my comrades have covered. I would like to catch up but I have neither the passion nor energy to fight through the elaborate tapestry of bullshit that is contract law today.

"can you get married so I can have a dad"

also because I told him when you die you become part of everything around you, everything in nature, he regularly says hi to trees saying "hi daddy" and when it snowed this winter he ate some snowflakes and said, "I'm eating daddy"

I'm currently reading Nora Webster and enjoy it so far.

Bridget Jones Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding

Good Grief by Lolly Winston

Widow Waltz by Sally Koslow

Up at Butternut Lake by Mary McNear

Widow's Guide to Sex and Dating by Carole Radziwill

I never much cared for nonfiction widow books. The above listed books are just some of the widow fictions I have read. I really loved by Bridget Jones and Good Grief.

Being a parent is the only part of my life that I enjoy right now. *wish I was at home with my kiddos right now*

I was sent a flyer by our local hospice about this event. It is a family outdoors camping/grief event. I personally think schoedinger's is an evil company, but that is my personal opinion. The website does not provide much information so I have a flyer if anyone wants more info.

http://www.schoedinger.com/grief-and-healing/camp-hope

I just made the sad realization that I am the female version of Will from the Inbetweeners

...and all my remaining interests in March Madness has ended. It was fun for a while, but screw the rest of them.

I've been wondering why this thread hasn't taken off like the brag on your kid one. I think it's because we tend to see our kids' successes as just that - theirs. But when they struggle, we blame ourselves. I'm not sure why that is, or if it's even something unique to widowhood. Myself, I've really been struggling with my failings as a parent lately. Some of it is due to circumstances more clearly out of my control. Others, I know directly correlate to my grief and though I'm not sure how much control over that I have either, it's easier to blame myself than it is for the other stuff.

 

I consider it a parenting success that DD loves hip hop. That might sound weird, and I'm sure some of it is genetic as Dan loved music and hip hop. But I play it for her, sing it to her. She has this toy guitar that has a hip hop setting; it plays the lamest version of Shoo Fly you've ever heard. I'm like nice try, my kid listens to KRS-One.

MrsDan I agree that this didn't become as popular as the other thread because we do often view our parenting successes as the same as our children's accomplishments.

Also, I too consider it a parenting success that my children love the music my husband and I love. They love his favorite band (System of a Down) and one of my favorite bands (Bad Religion). They are doomed to be trouble ;D

Sorry I didn't read this sooner. If the deed has not yet occurred I would recommend some liquid courage. It often helps me do things I would otherwise be too nervous or scared to do. Just remember not to get too drunk, because those who get hammered aren't going to get nailed (bad joke I know).

If I don't get a break soon I feel I will snap. I have graduation, bar prep, exams, work, kids, everything boiling up and I feel I am failing in all of these areas.

I think I am in desperate need of some action. I haven't started dating because between school, kids, work, and bar prep I just haven't had the time. it is starting to seriously affect my dreams though. I had the most wonderful (and graphic) dream about a lovely woman last night. 

It seems like it is a common theme in the parenting section is for us to blame ourselves for all our failures. I do not know how many times I have broken down feeling like a complete failure as a parent. I just wanted to try this thread out to have a place for anyone who wishes to post about any parenting successes big or small. Some of the time it is easier to focus on the negative, I hope this thread forces me (and maybe others) to see the positive.

My success statement of the day is not really a success so much as a hopeful predictor of the future. I think I will make it as an only parent because I am a geeky tomboy who loves princesses. My disregards for social norms also allows me to permit my children to be as wholly silly as they like. Lets hope this is a good thing

Anyone else wish to share?

Sadly this year I am too exhausted and busy to take my picks seriously.  :-\