I’m approaching the 6 month mark of losing my fiancé and can not imagine being expected to get over this. I honestly thought things were going to be easier since I watched him suffering not only mentally, emotionally and then physically weakening and dealing with his own grief in knowing he was dying. I thought I would be more at peace with it but I have learned that grief is not linear. It is not only the adjustment of not having his friendship and companionship and the loneliness, it is all of the things he did for me and the house that I have had to learn to do myself. This coupled with the additional stresses of the pandemic, almost losing my job of 15 years, adjusting to yet a new normal. Coupled with critical health issue with our Pomeranian where I thought I would lose her too. This last weekend we had a private memorial with the family and scattering of his ashes to mark his 42 birthday. It brought back high waves of emotions but felt like a huge step. Up until now I haven’t been able to go through his things but have gained enough strength to start organizing them. For the past 5 months his room was exactly how he left it. It was difficult but I feel like this last week has been huge steps in my grieving.