Bluemoon15

:) :) Thank you all for such a warm welcome! :) :)

Mac, that was a wonderful read - thank you so much for sharing! It turns out we have a few things in common. My husband and I were married for 27 years and best friends for 38 years. I, too, am a writer and I really like your wife's style. As a non-fiction writer I can relate to it. And Munson - REO Speedwagon! Our song was, "I Can't Fight This Feeling". (Well, our first song - we had so many over the years.) Thanks to both of you for making this big, new, strange world a little bit smaller.

Yes, Jen, I too am part of the writing tribe! As a non-fiction writer, I started with pen pals in grade school. Later, I would help my friends write their high school essays. In fact, one of my besties just reminded me of that recently. My writing has continued without a huge gap since Lee passed, in part for therapeutic reasons and in part because I have a blog to keep going and a book to promote. I've always admired fiction writers like yourself - It takes an incredible talent and imagination. I simply write what I know, which is overcoming adversity and finding the blessings in it. As a former nurse, I used to heal with my hands. Now, I try to heal with my words. ((((Jen)))) - Back to you! Rebecca

Hi Sandy, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I am only nine weeks out, and I, too, have been concerned about my so-called progress. I don't cry anymore. Instead, I just stuff it somewhere and soldier on. I just joined the board today, and everyone here has been there and is offering not just good advice, but also their hearts. Together, we will all find our own way. Blessings, Rebecca

Thank you so much for sharing this!

Hi Jen, Thanks so much for your lovely reply. It's good to finally be here. I've been writing since I could put pen to paper, but it's only been my chosen profession during the last four years. (Emphasis on "profession" - I'm still a starving artist.) I'll probably end up being a fairly active poster. Certainly seeing your smiling face and feeling the warmth of your heart made my first day easier. Blessings to you.

Thanks for the warm welcome and words of wisdom, Jason. I so appreciate it. Yes, my writing has helped me a great deal. I express myself better in the written word than the spoken word, so it works very well for me. I am so glad your daughter found that it works for her, too. God Bless you both. You will be in my prayers.

Thanks for reaching out to me Tweety. I have not had any other out-of-body experiences or suicidal thoughts. What happened next was panic attacks so severe that I had to be medicated. My doctor also put me on Abilify to work with the Cymbalta that I take for fibromyalgia nerve pain and it seems to be working pretty well. I also pray a lot! You will be in my prayers.

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to write such supportive and informative posts. Blessings to you all!

I am a relatively new widow, having lost my beloved just nine weeks ago. My husband of 27 years, my best friend for 38 years, passed in his sleep during the early hours of January 3. When I awoke, he was gone. While Lee had a long list of health issues that go as far back as 1993, he was stable. Losing him at 51 was a complete shock. I had last spoke to him, by phone, the afternoon before, and I am so grateful that we always told each other we loved one another before we hung up. It was my last conversation with him. Upon arriving home a few hours later, I found him sleeping on the living room couch. He would arouse and then go right back to sleep. This was nothing out of the ordinary, due to all the medication he was on. I sat up with him until 3:00 a.m., before going to bed. He never did join me. Instead, his tired heart simply stopped beating. When I found him, I didn't want him to go without me, and I found myself having an out-of-body experience. I was looking down on both of us, Lee on the sofa and me kneeling on the floor next to him with my arms wrapped around him. But, just as I had no control over leaving my body, I didn't have any control over coming back. After telling our only child, our 23-year-old son who described his father as his best friend, the pain was even more gut-wrenching as I watched him grieve. The first month is a blur, and I found that I no longer had any dreams when I managed to get any sleep at night. I had no dreams that I could recall for six weeks. Now when I awake, my heart is filled with crazy, disjointed dreams, where I am either looking for him or beginning a new life without him that scares me. I don't know if this is a typical response, but I feel as though I haven't had enough time to grieve. My husband was my sole source of financial support, as I, too, have health issues and I spent my time taking care of him and my elderly mother. Lee did not have life insurance either. I became a task-oriented robot, focused on the business of survival. At nine weeks out, the shock is starting to wear off and when waves of deep sorrow, pain and fear set in, I stuff it somewhere else. I am afraid to cry anymore, because I have fibromyalgia and crying simply exacerbates my symptoms of pain, fatigue and what we call fibro fog. It's like widow brain. Having both is simply too much of a challenge, especially since I still have family members who depend on me. As Valentine's Day approached, I decided to devote my time to buy gifts, or give gifts of labor, to all those in my inner circle. It was helpful for me to get out of my own head and focus on someone else, a trick I learned when going to nursing school. I then decided to post the story of my Valentine's Day adventure on my blog, which focuses on the gifts of adversity, and much to my delight, it was well received. I am looking forward to getting to know everyone here, and I hope to be able to contribute something positive for all.