MCG

I really appreciate the responses. You might be surprised how willing guys are to just come out and ask how J died, even early on in starting to talk. Which then puts me in the position of having to be or seem evasive. I try not to set people up for that but it has happened on multiple occasions where I think I’m walking the line (dribs and drabs as you say, Mike) and not offering too much or steering the conversation in that direction and then WHAM the guy will just directly ask how my husband died. I think that’s pretty bad form but it has happened so many times I started to think it was normal. And then after asking the question and getting the suicide answer, they run. But yes, I will keep at it. And if more people ask me directly I’ll have to use a vague response and hope they don’t find it weird. It’s pretty tricky because if I say something like “I find it too difficult to talk about yet” I come off as not ready to date. I guess I can say something more like “It’s a heavy topic. Let’s save it for a time when we know each other better.” Thanks for helping me think through this.

I’m new to this forum. I lost my husband to suicide by a self-inflicted GSW last Mother’s Day. He was an army veteran who served 2 tours in Iraq. I was completely blindsided by what he chose to do. And he did it while my children and I were in the house. I have two kids under 5. I’m 35. I’m still struggling with grief and trauma but have reached a stage where I contemplate dating and remarrying. I want to find a good partner for myself and solid man to be step-father for my girls. However, I’m not sure this is even possible because of the stigma attached to suicide. Virtually every time I have revealed the cause of J’s death to a guy I’m interested in on a dating site I get ghosted. I fully understand that the prospect of dating someone who has “baggage” let alone the “baggage” of the suicide of their spouse is complicated and potentially heavy. But it seems unfair that for most people it’s a complete non-starter. I know I could choose not to reveal how my husband died for a while but eventually it’s going to have to be addressed. I have tended to be upfront about it fairly early on just because to hide it and later have to explain, seems to further incriminate me. I have struggled with immense guilt over J’s suicide. My children and I love him. We miss him every day. It seems that having to deal with all that is not enough. We get to be marginalized and robbed of a chance to rebuild because of people’s lack of understanding around suicide. Has anyone on here successfully navigated these issues? Have you dated or remarried? How did you handle it in the early phase of getting to know someone?