November

Southern California

No matter how busy I try to keep myself in the end it's STILL a lonely 4th of July...

I pure, straight, hate my job.

Sometimes I do too! I saw this quote on FB: "I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!" ;D

Count me in! I live about 3 hrs from Disneyland.

My birthday is coming up next week and I'm going to Las Vegas it's an all girls trip and I want to wear a shirt that says "spank me it's my birthday"  ;D

My 9 yr old tells me all the time that he isn't scared to die anymore because he knows his dad will be there.

I hate doing homework with my kids. I just want to get home from work take off my work clothes put on pj's and watch TV... (sigh)

I hate going to bed alone too but hate more waking up to an empty bed!

In a 24hr period I broke my ceiling fan, the doors under the kitchen sink one broke, my dryer isn't working & my maintenance required light on my car came on...FML!

Please someone make it stop!!!!

Day 7 of 21 day Fix but still not getting up early in the morning for that extra workout! :-\

Day 3 of 21 day fix and feel pretty good this morning!

Day 2 of 21 day fix and very sore!  Still not getting up in the morning to get that extra workout but will try again tomorrow.

Thank you all for your responses.  It gives me great comfort to know that you guys get me.  Thanks

I go to the cemetery twice a week and I go during my 30min. lunch.  Cemetery is only 10 mins away from my house and work.  I go during my lunch because my kids don't like going.  Lately I've noticed that I really don't want to go, I've notice that the visits depress me so much but I push myself to go anyways. Sometimes I feel like I owe him that- those visits. 

Today I have decided that I will not go any more.  I picked up his flowers-  a pot of flowers that the kids picked out which also has a solar light that my kids put in so he wouldn't be in the dark and I'm not taking them back....not for now.  Now I can't shake the feeling that I'm abandoning him. This is something I no longer want to do.....so why do I feel so horribly sad? 

Did day 1 of the 21 day Fix. But my goal is to get up early in the morning so I can do Zumba at night.

Social life?

will someone please remind me what social life means?

Yes please someone tell me what it means... my are 5, 9, & 13.  I'm lucky to get 15 mins to myself.

For me it's cooking.  I go to the grocery store and buy all this food because today is the day I'm going to start cooking and NO more eating out.  Then I just don't do it...Can't even give you a valid explanation why I just don't and end up throwing it all away because it goes bad and we end up eating out on most days. 

Oh and I haven't cleaned my shower... I just don't care to do that.

Yesterday there was a softball meeting (my daughter plays softball) and all the parents were there... I'm talking on the side to a parent which recently separated from her husband and I'm telling her we should get together for drinks on Saturday and thought I'd be cute and called it "Zippy Saturday".  My 9yr old whom I thought was not paying attention to what I was talking about looked up and said loud enough to have all eyes on me "Mom your adding another day you already have  Tipsy Tuesday, Wine Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and now Zippy Saturday"... I wanted the ground to open up swallow me and spit me back up on a beach...

My MIL stayed at my house over the weekend and in one of our conversations stated that she had recently found out that she had rights to my husbands money and asked if I could give her what is rightfully hers...WTF!!!! WHAT MONEY I asked her, husband didn't have life insurance nor did we have money in the bank, only thing I'm getting is SSN for my kids and that's why I'm working... I wanted to tell her to get the F*** out of my house, but didn't because of my kids. 

I ask my daughter for fashion advise way too much!!  What can I say she has good taste.

then hire bodyguards to kick out those who do not act like adults and behave??

But I like the idea of 2 small parties..

And yes you can kick my BIL.

Thanks

My son will be 5 years old next month and he is already telling me wants a party with a jumper, cake, candy and music from the radio.  I think I can handle a little birthday party.  What I can't handle is our families (hubby and mine) they have never really gotten along.  So every gathering Rigo would host his side and I would host mine  Well I kinda of feel obligated to invite them if I decide to have this party for my son.... But I already feel overwhelmed at just the thought of having both families there.

I have already heard rumors coming from my BIL that I'm not letting them see the kids and saying I've changed.  I've tried to explain myself (work, kids sports, homework, house, etc) and they still dont understand why I can't have them at my house whenever they feel like it.  Sometimes I don't post anything on facebook because I just don't want to hear what they have to say and yesterday I received a text from that same BIL where he tells me "that it's so sad not being able to have contact with his nephews and that he hopes his brother in heaven isn't mad at him but he understands I need my space...(WTF!! I really wanted to text back- F***you, You stupid son of B----) but I didn't text anything back.  Not all of my husband's side of the family is like that, my MIL and 2 other BIL's are cool and seem to want what's best for me and my kids.  But this one and another sister --oh man.  They twist everything I say even when I don't talk.

Sorry I got off topic a little bit:) Back to my son's party, in that family if you invite one they feel they need no invite they just show up.  So it's either I invite them all or none at all.

What should I do invite them or not?

I visit the cemetery twice a week Wednesdays and Thursdays and have done this since he died which was 8 months ago.  Truth is I have this weird feeling that I owe him that- to go every week and feel guilty for having this feeling because sometimes I really don't want to go.  I go on those days because on Wednesday the cut the grass so I pick up his flowers and go put them back on Thursday.  I also go during my lunch breaks because my kids don't like to go.  I don't like going on holidays and I don't want to go on the anniversary of his death-- that's actually a date I will not celebrate, in fact I want to forget.   

Yesterday my 9 year old son got mad because I didn't cook (again)... he told me he is tried of eating peanut butter sandwiches and cup o noddles.  I am gonna make more of an effort to cook more often.  He made me feel like I was an unfit mother:(

Yesterday I added heavier weights to my workout.