Thank you to you both. Its reassuring that others feel that way, not caring if you do die. I am waiting on counselling from loros, so that is a plus. I will start on the water, I focused so much on my husband, as we all do. I am going to try and do something every day, friends are encouraging me to go back to cooking again, I have two grown up sons with me, my youngest is going back to college next week. I know how fortunate I am to have them, it's when the cold thoughts come into my head. Bless you both x