Kevin Z

I was on the YWBB years ago and Joe's Lament really spoke to me as it put to words how I felt after caregiving for Jill and watching her slowly die. I ran across this post and thought I should share his poem in its entirety. It still is emotional for me 11 1/2 years later when I read it. Does anyone know how Joe is? My hope is he has experienced healing like I too have. "Robbed ? Joe?s Lament" Trying to take a breath Of the life that once lived in this house What is the next thing that will bring me down? A million dreams and hope itself died that December day As did I It?s not the way it?s supposed to go, you know You meet the love of you life Someone so innocent, pure I saw a world of wonder through her eyes - reborn We were not able to have children Robbed But it really did not matter ? I had her She made me a better person She gave me strength of purpose Sickness came ? but she was stronger As a couple we gritted our teeth and vowed This would not get the better of us God has a much better plan in mind Her job was lost but that was OK It was just temporary, right? She?d be back to work soon, we thought A minor setback Robbed Days at home waned Days at the hospital multiplied We were in our 20?s Other couples were out dining, dancing, celebrating Robbed Dec 31, 1996 ? Please God, Let 1997 be better than 96 Dec 31, 1997 ? Please God, Let 1998 be better than 97 Did I mention that we were in our 30?s now? Dec 31, 1998 ? Please God, Let 1999 be better than 98 And so it goes? 70 days in the hospital in 1999 2000 could not possibly be worse 107? The hope for a better year became The hope for a better month The hope for a better month became The hope for a better day The hope for a better day became The hope for a better moment One perfect island in an ocean of pain Through the windows of our struggle, We gained clarity of thought and perspective No more pettiness No more fighting No more thoughtlessness Just a knowing look A glance at one another with understanding eyes We?re different ? and we?re strong. Perhaps stronger than most The pinnacle of emotional bond Between 2 persons 2 persons barely 30 And now you are gone? Where do we go from here? I had a calling, a mission, a purpose Robbed Your shoes Your purse Your clothes Your teddy bear You were here, right? The pictures We were young, once, weren?t we? Wasn?t it all supposed to turn out different? I wallow in silence, burning in time Trying to conjure memories Of when we just knew It would all be just fine - we had a future together I tried so hard to lighten your load To bring some peace to your pain Where are you now? Why can you bring no peace to mine? I know you can Your world to mine is a lot closer Than my world to yours I cannot touch yours But can you send me a sign? Tell me that you are there Tell me that you are waiting I have to believe in the next world, This one has cheated me Given the greatest gift I have ever known And then taken so young I will walk the rest of my days alone I will grit my teeth and fix my gaze I will travel with clarity of purpose ? looking to her I will be the captain of my soul I will welcome death when it comes